I'm way too hard on myself. It's affecting the way I think, the way I feel about myself, and my sleep. 3 days in a row I've been completely unable to sleep on time because of these thoughts. The good thoughts are never here and the bad ones are the ones that get the most attention. Everything feels boiled up inside. Any praise that I feel in myself seems short lived and the long term bad that come from events years and years ago seem to overwhelm me. Why can't I put this behind me? Why can't I just be at peace? Why is it that every day that passes I think about the fears that come with these intrusive thoughts? Is ERP seriously the only way? I can't stand this anymore. It never used to be this way before the pandemic hit. It never used to be this complicated, which is a word I despise saying.

Whatabtme

Date posted: 4y

I'm with you 100 percent, ocd flipped my life upside down. I will say that I am not completely healed, far from it, but I have made some progress, and it didn't happen until I began erp and committed to trying it consistently for at least a week or so. Erp is freaking terrifying, it still scares me, but I found that once I had done it for several days consistently, I noticed how when you do the scary thing, nothing bad actually happens except for a feeling of discomfort within you, which goes away eventually. It takes practice and I think a big part of it is a leaped faith, be willing to take the risk with erp, cause if you go into it unwilling, it won't work as well.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

I just don't understand ERP for real event because these things really happened. I get false memories too. I just don't know how to do it and when I do it'll be terrifying.

Whatabtme

Date posted: 4y

@BigGip09 The point of erp is really to expose you to fears, whether it's real event or any other theme. Even though it may be real event ocd, the fact remains that it gives you fear and anxiety, so by exposing yourself to that thing or the thought of it, you're desensitized your nervous system to the fear you normally associate it. The point of erp is not to disprove the fear, it's to live with the fear without that fear controlling us with the obsessive compulsive cycle. Hope that makes sense a little better

nervousbeans

Date posted: 4y

@Whatabtme This!!! I'm also dealing with false memory and real event. It's so tough just letting things be you know? I needed to read this. Thank you for the words of encouragement.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

@Whatabtme What if after all of that work it actually comes true though?

nervousbeans

Date posted: 4y

The last paragraph struck me hard. This is so hard :( I'm sorry were going through this, but there's a way through. I'm not quite there yet, but I believe in both of us!

Link

Date posted: 4y

I feel you. Its so hard to give ourselves grace. Its not our faults that we have these thoughts. Its a brain issue but we can live life despite it given the right tools. I know it may seem hopeless but having OCD isnt hopeless. You will find your way and you will find freedom from porn as well. Im trying to free myself from that too. Its a topic im trying to focus on with my therapist soon. Best of luck to you

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