Don’t mind me just riding out a massive anxiety attack after a few rough weeks of actual health issues. I have major health anxiety and I’ve had 2 awful asthma attacks recently due to wildfire smoke coming into our area. I hate having asthma because I didn’t know I had it for so long. And I never really know if my shortness of breath is anxiety or asthma 😭😩 It freaks me out whenever I have to get treatment for it because they always run an EKG to make sure my heart is fine. After having COVID last year (then getting the vaccination) one of my new anxieties is developing random blood clots despite being physically healthy. I go on Twitter for the memes then the next second I’ll see someone’s personal story about how someone they knew dropped dead randomly from the shot. It freaks me out so bad. Like what?? I don’t want to stop using Twitter either because I like it and don’t want to avoid any triggers. Back to health, they took an X-ray of my lungs the other day as a part of protocol because I couldn’t breathe that well (because I was having an asthma attack 😩) and it freaked me out so bad. Everything came back clear but my discharge papers said to get my heart checked out just in case. My resting heart rate is generally higher because of anxiety anywhere from 75-85. I hate having health anxiety on top of actual health problems. My doctors tell me I’m healthy despite asthma and allergies. Every day is a battle with health anxiety. Sometimes I can’t even workout because I’m so focused on my heart rate or breathing. Like I’m genuinely convinced I’ll die of a random disease I don’t know I have. AnywAY, health anxiety OCD is something I’ve had since I had my first panic attack. As most of you know that anxiety can manifest itself in so many ways it’s horrifying sometimes. Hopefully I feel better again soon bc this ain’t it chief!! 🥺

I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.

Starting to think I have unresolved childhood trauma unfortunately. Health OCD is also driving my absolutely crazy but I'm too scared to go to my doctor. I worry about diabetes, illnesses, cancer, skin problems, etc. I just hope everything works out in the end. Right now I just can't do the things I love doing because I'm constantly worrying about everything. All of my worries are exacerbated and I just can't keep them away. They only come back.

I am trying to see if there are others like me. For the past 12 years, I’ve had crippling Anxiety that leads to intense panic attacks. I’ve been in and out of Ambulances and ER rooms and have called 911 several times. The panic is that intense. I can be just driving down the road and out of no where, BOOM! Hit by the anxiety bus. Most of the time it leads to me panicking, thinking I’m going to die or something is fatally wrong with me. The fear is so intense that I can only find a fraction of calmness by consistently checking my blood pressure, putting on a pulsometer and even checking my blood sugar until it passes. I’m not even a diabetic. I’m always having intrusive thoughts that doctors can’t even fix me. I’ve never met anyone else like me. I feel so scared sometimes that I’m going to loose my mind and that I’m going crazy and will end up in a straight jacket. Then I get another attack just thinking about that as well. Starting new medications freak me out too. If I experience ANY minor side effect, I immediately panic and freak out. I’m being so held back by this . This is a constant obsession that I can’t shake. It’s like I walk hand in hand with Anxiety and panic. Anyone else ever had these issues?