- Username
- cIumsy
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I was diagnosed for the first time about 5 months ago and while I could see that my symptoms were OCD, being diagnosed professionally made me feel so much relief. And being on this app and researching more has taught me that all of those things that made me feel ‘weird’ and like there was something wrong with me were the OCD too, but just manifesting in a different way.
yes yes yes. I’ve had obsessions for as long as I can remember and always knew that I was a ‘worrier’ but now I can see that it was alllll textbook OCD. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me said that it’s common for onset to be around age 7. But I completely get what you mean. It’s sad to think that we didn’t get to have a childhood without such debilitating fear. And I feel like i’ve built my identity around OCD (and compulsions) to the point that I literally do not know who I am without it. But I think it’s important to remember that having OCD, while horrible, has taught us other things that some people may not have had to learn, like resilience, courage, coping skills, empathy, etc. I think it’s possible to recognize that our OCD has affected our lives completely (and unfortunately it will always be there to some degree), but that it doesn’t need to control our lives going forward as we recover. I try and remind myself that I can get rid of the bad parts of OCD but hold on to those positive traits that it has left me with.
I completely relate to you and the last comment! Unfortunately, I didn’t realize what having ocd really meant until the last year or so, I am 20. That is what I mean myself when I refer to before, before I knew, before the label. It took me being hospitalized for anorexia and attempted suicide multiple times as well explaining to doctors that it was a control issue more than anything. Of course I do have OCD in connection to body dysmorphia, I chose to starve myself over other methods because of the fact that I could control my food /calorie intake. Realizing now that a lot of my anxiety/depression/body dysmorphia is a result of my OCD rather than individual conditions has been really hard to me and I have experience really similar feelings myself recently. It is important to remember that while OCD may be a part of your life and everyday battles, it is not a part of you and does not define you. You are you, and who you choose to be is determined by your choices and your actions, not your thoughts. Love yourself, be yourself and do your best to find ways to be happy in just that, by whatever (healthy!) means necessary. Everything else will fall into place, remember to believe in yourself! Your strength has gotten you this far, a label does not change the battles you have fought and won (or lost and learned from) thus far. As a fellow person, and OCD affected, I know you are strong and you can keep going. I believe in you!
Also, yes I do remember that! It was like everything connected all of a sudden and while it could be overwhelming at times, it was a relief to know there was one roof cause to address, rather than several.
both these replies have been really helpful. I had a similar experience where it took a hospitalization for me to finally get help and realize ocd had been the underlying cause of a bunch of different issues I experienced. often times I feel like I lost my childhood to ocd. But in the end I can’t change that anymore and I need to remember that my struggle has also been a learning experience, and that ocd doesn’t define me. thanks guys :’)
on another note: do you all remember that moment when you were finally diagnosed and suddenly everything made sense?? esp with early onset its like ‘oh, so I wasn’t just a freak kid’ lol
Of course, I’m glad I could help and good luck!
Root*
How old was you when you got your ocd. Is it even possible to get it at 34? Someone I knew was involved with something that seemingly triggered me. I am a dad and was normal in September, how can your life feel like it’s been stolen from you. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. Please can we have a discussion of how you best deal with it. People that have beaten it? I don’t want this ever.
How has everyone else's OCD progressed throughout their lives? Has everyone else always had severe OCD or did you live regular lives beforehand and encounter one point where it went from 0 to 100. Where are you now in your OCD Journey? I'm very curious as to everyone else's stories and have left mine below if you’d like to read it. From what I can remember, I went relatively undisturbed by OCD the majority of my middle/late childhood, only having about 1-3 thoughts a year that weren't super bothersome but did create a level of distress uncomparable to regular intrusive thoughts. They were mainly about my health and about my parents safety & wellbeing. The earliest memory about my OCD that really stood out was back in 5th Grade, when I hit my head on a swing set and immediately began reciting every moment leading up to injury as well as every math equation I knew to make sure my memory was still intact. The greater part of my adolescence was essentially the same and resembled what I believed to be a normal life, just with a couple of OCD thoughts sprinkled throughout it. I was able to function pretty well albeit depressed and somewhat anxious. It wasn't until I was close to my highschool graduation that I experienced the worst panic attack(at the time) at the idea that I would hurt my parents. It was so distressing because the thought felt so loud that I believed it was genuine which only caused more distress. I was so scared that I would act on the thought that I discarded all of my sharp objects and locked myself in my room. That was my first ever severe reaction I experienced due to OCD and was back in May of this year. I actually learned what OCD was the same night and realized that many of my newly found fears including mold growing in my walls and my parents disliking me were also caused by the OCD. Unfortunately learning that it was probably OCD wasn't enough to quell my fear and I engaged in a bunch of compulsions in the months to come, worsening my OCD In the process. June was alright. July was worse(I only had like three topics for obsessions which sounds great now). Late July-Early August was my tipping point . Things went from worse to profoundly terrible in a short period. I found this app late August which was great because I had grown exhausted. September was pretty bad but not as bad as August. Now it's October and life is somewhat good now. I've become more knowledgeable of OCD (big thanks to this app and my therapist) but I'm very far from done. There's still this looming sense of anxiety that follows me everywhere. I have like 20 obsessions now, some being larger and scarier than others but those smaller ones are still apparent. But, the fear has decreased as well as the mental compulsions that came with it. My mind is quieter now. However the anxiety has stayed the same. My heart still drops whenever my worst obsession is triggered. Headaches, brain fog, sweating, rapid heart rate, sense of being paralyzed, racing mind are commonplace in my life but I've learned to sit with the physical discomfort (not that it makes it any less terrifying). Anyways, I'm here now which is cool. I’d like to listen to others' experiences to get a better understanding of OCD and maybe feel a bit less alone. feel free to ask any questions.
I had never really had OCD symptoms like this a few months ago. I had struggled a little bit with anxiety and had always had a fear of uncertainty but I’ve never felt a 24/7 pain anxiety, guilt and fear like this. I was pretty happy😭 Have others had this experience as well? Did it just show up randomly from one intrusive thought that you couldn’t brush off? Is it possible to get back to how you were before or will I have to “manage” for the rest of my life?
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