- Date posted
- 3y ago
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi! This can be so difficult and is a question I get a lot when working with people who have ROCD. I think the biggest red flag for me and OCD's giveaway is a sense of urgency and wanting to know 100%. Remember, it is normal for people in relationships to have waxing and waning feelings as well as feelings of unattraction, wanting to break up, etc. OCD will make you misinterpret these normal feelings in a way that makes you feel that somehow they are more important, more significant. Try to move forward with your relationship AS THOUGH You did not have doubts, AS THOUGH you did not have these thoughts - act behaviorally as though you do not have ROCD which i know sounds so much easier said than done - but you can do it. good luck
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Okay thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong The therapy session went well and was helpful. Just hearing her say it’s ocd took away some of the anxiety from it
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 That’s great to hear! I can’t remember if I told you but I haven’t been diagnosed yet but my appointment is next Monday so I’m hoping I get it, I don’t want it but I don’t want my relationship being taken either.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Hey sorry to bother you but I was hanging out with my girlfriend today and I got a thought telling me that I’m too young for a serious relationship but I’ve never thought about that before and i don’t actually think that but it kind of ruined my mood for the day and it made it so that I have that weird anxiety but not anxiety feeling. It sucked. I’m pretty sure it’s an intrusive thought just from the way it makes me feel but it’s so hard. I need help but I don’t know what to do
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong I do something similar. I’ll have negative things pop into my head about my relationship or things that aren’t necessarily ideal about it. Just know that you’re not too young for a serious relationship! Live day to day, and remember when it comes to overcoming ocd and anxiety, a wall is built 1 brick at a time, so it takes woek and dedication but the end result is worth it
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Okay thank you
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
My therapist used a really good analogy for me the other day that may help you: Imagine the times in your life when you knew that there was a problem that you had to fix. How did you go about fixing it? Was there this back and forth in your mind that came to no solution? Or did you have a straight answer and got to it. That’s how you know it’s OCD talking when you are on a wheel and it offers no solution
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Well there’s a solution which would be breaking up with her but I don’t want to. Thank you for that it kind of helps me, I’m just worried because I know I can just give into the thoughts and break up with her and it will probably go away but I love her and she’s my best friend I don’t want to. But today I’ve gotten the urge to break up with her and it’s really strong but I don’t want to do it and I don’t think I’ll bring myself to do it either. I just want it to go.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It’s def ROCD you know by the “what if’s” for me it’s like “what if I downloaded tinder and cheated on my bf” that’s my theme .
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Okay, but sometimes instead of thoughts I get feelings, like sometimes I feel empty talking to her or numb or anxious. Sometimes my mind finds a reason for me to feel guilty even though I don’t have any
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong Not the kind of guilt from the thought of cheating or anything like that
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong I get feelings too , anxiety connected with OCD can be very physical . There is a huge list of physical side effects of anxiety . I get the guilty chest feeling like I’ve done something wrong . And will check messages look at dates to make sure it was before we dated . Even message people to give me reassurance that nothing happened . Just because it’s physically effecting you too Dosent mean it’s true . Our minds are powerful .
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Princessbubblegum Okay thank you
- Date posted
- 3y ago
You said it yourself you love her , that’s that. The only thing beyond that Is your mind messing with ya.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yeah
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’ve been doing through exactly this lately too. It came and lasted a few weeks, then went away for a few week then i got super stressed out last weekend and it came back. It sucks and it hurts, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Going through *
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yeah sorry you’ve been going through it too. Do you ever wake up with an empty feeling in your stomach like you’ve lost feelings completely?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong Every single day lately. My anxiety and ocd seems to be the worst in the mornings
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Do you ever get a really strong urge to end things with your partner?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong That’s what my anxiety is from. A super strong urge to just pack up and run. And is like i know i don’t “want to”. And having the urge makes feel so bad and so scared
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong But it feels so real sometimes it makes me question my own sanity
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Yeah it does feel super real sometimes and that’s when it’s the hardest
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be going through this just because I’m so young and that just makes me think I should just end it but I don’t want to
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong It’s such a struggle. We deserve to be happy and be with our person that we choose. We can’t let ocd ruin our lives and relationships. If you let it ruin this one it’ll ruin any future ones too, don’t let it win
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Okay I won’t let it ruin it. Thanks for helping me
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong Of course! You honestly helped me too cause i thought i was so alone in this
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 That’s great! I’m really glad! It’s so much easier knowing that someone else feels the same way and it feels like it weakens the thoughts feelings and urges also
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong 100%!! And someone experiencing the same exact thing shows that it IS ocd and isnt us being in denial
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Yes exactly! Sorry one more question but when you’re around your partner do you get this weird feeling it’s kind of like anxiety but without the stomach ache? I’m not sure how to explain it
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong When my anxiety is bad i get almost a hollow feeling sometimes, like i feel numb. And when i think of something that makes me feel bad, my stomach drops.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong And don’t apologize for asking questions! I’m more than happy to answer anything at all!!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Okay thank you!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong I’m going to do my first NOCD therapy session today for it. I will let you know how it goes!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Okay I do want to here about it
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Samuel.deJong Do you have Facebook or Instagram? (And are we allowed to exchange social media on here?) lol
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lbarton04 Yeah I have Instagram but just so you know I’m 17. My Instagram is Samuel.de_jong
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w ago
I'm really struggling atm w what I think is rocd. I know for an absolute fact that I love my boyfriend 100% with all my heart. I'm only 15 but I know that he's the person for me. We've been together for a year and a few months and I've been in love with him since I was 11. I'm almost 16. We've never had an argument, he's so incredibly supportive and he's very aware of the whole situation. I've been having horrible thoughts for about 6 months now that I'm not in love with him anymore. Obviously this upset me so so much but at the beginning I knew it wasn't real and I miss when my biggest issue was how to tell him and not upset him. Luckily I have the kindest most loving boy and he completely understood me and he is the only person who can fully comfort me. At the beginning I knew the thoughts weren't real but 6 months later and they're all i can think about I'm believing them and it's horrible. At one point about 3 months ago I came to the realisation that love is a choice, I loved being around him qnd kissing him and being his friend, and qt 15 that's basically all a relationship is. Since coming to that conclusion, and also telling myself that even if the thoughts were real and I really didn't love him anymore, then I would again because of who he is, and the sheer fact that I want to love him, the thoughts have changed into what if I dint like him and now I've convinced myself that I don't even like him and I don't want to love him again, and that's the worst part of it all because I believe it. He knows I believe them, and he's only 16 but he's handling it all so so we'll. He says that he knows that the thoughts aren't real, even if I don't know because he's got an outside perspective, but it's okay if I don't realise it because he'll wait for mw as long as I need. Some days I overthink so much I refuse to kiss him, and he's handled that so well, he'll always ask me if I want a kiss or a hug beforehand if I'm having q bad day, and he's gotten into the habit of watching Disney films with me ro help calm me. I don't understand why I don't think I want him in my life anymore. I miss feeling like i love him. I do have therapy, and she says that the thoughts aren't real qnd she knows this because of just the way I speak about him. My mum said she knows that they're not real, ans his mum says the same. For about 5 days last week the thoughts were gone. I felt like I loved my baby again. I was so so so happy because I loved him again and he was so proud of me. Then the thouhjts came back. I dint want this to be too long, im so sorry of you're still reading. Just any tips on how to love my baby again? I'll do anything except break up with him. I love being a part of his family qnd I miss how it was, but I'd much rather be so so sad ans scared all the timw with the thoughts then not have him at all. I've had very intrusive thoughts before but nowhere as bad as this. Maybe the intensity of the thoughts is mimicking the intensity of the love I have for him? I just want to love my jude again, my lovely boy :(
- Date posted
- 24w ago
One minute I’m like omg I like him so much I care so much about him this has to work out and the next minute I feel so detached and numb and I’m like do I even really want him
- Date posted
- 19w ago
Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond