- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! This can be so difficult and is a question I get a lot when working with people who have ROCD. I think the biggest red flag for me and OCD's giveaway is a sense of urgency and wanting to know 100%. Remember, it is normal for people in relationships to have waxing and waning feelings as well as feelings of unattraction, wanting to break up, etc. OCD will make you misinterpret these normal feelings in a way that makes you feel that somehow they are more important, more significant. Try to move forward with your relationship AS THOUGH You did not have doubts, AS THOUGH you did not have these thoughts - act behaviorally as though you do not have ROCD which i know sounds so much easier said than done - but you can do it. good luck
- Date posted
- 3y
Okay thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong The therapy session went well and was helpful. Just hearing her say it’s ocd took away some of the anxiety from it
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 That’s great to hear! I can’t remember if I told you but I haven’t been diagnosed yet but my appointment is next Monday so I’m hoping I get it, I don’t want it but I don’t want my relationship being taken either.
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Hey sorry to bother you but I was hanging out with my girlfriend today and I got a thought telling me that I’m too young for a serious relationship but I’ve never thought about that before and i don’t actually think that but it kind of ruined my mood for the day and it made it so that I have that weird anxiety but not anxiety feeling. It sucked. I’m pretty sure it’s an intrusive thought just from the way it makes me feel but it’s so hard. I need help but I don’t know what to do
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong I do something similar. I’ll have negative things pop into my head about my relationship or things that aren’t necessarily ideal about it. Just know that you’re not too young for a serious relationship! Live day to day, and remember when it comes to overcoming ocd and anxiety, a wall is built 1 brick at a time, so it takes woek and dedication but the end result is worth it
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Okay thank you
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
My therapist used a really good analogy for me the other day that may help you: Imagine the times in your life when you knew that there was a problem that you had to fix. How did you go about fixing it? Was there this back and forth in your mind that came to no solution? Or did you have a straight answer and got to it. That’s how you know it’s OCD talking when you are on a wheel and it offers no solution
- Date posted
- 3y
Well there’s a solution which would be breaking up with her but I don’t want to. Thank you for that it kind of helps me, I’m just worried because I know I can just give into the thoughts and break up with her and it will probably go away but I love her and she’s my best friend I don’t want to. But today I’ve gotten the urge to break up with her and it’s really strong but I don’t want to do it and I don’t think I’ll bring myself to do it either. I just want it to go.
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s def ROCD you know by the “what if’s” for me it’s like “what if I downloaded tinder and cheated on my bf” that’s my theme .
- Date posted
- 3y
Okay, but sometimes instead of thoughts I get feelings, like sometimes I feel empty talking to her or numb or anxious. Sometimes my mind finds a reason for me to feel guilty even though I don’t have any
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Not the kind of guilt from the thought of cheating or anything like that
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong I get feelings too , anxiety connected with OCD can be very physical . There is a huge list of physical side effects of anxiety . I get the guilty chest feeling like I’ve done something wrong . And will check messages look at dates to make sure it was before we dated . Even message people to give me reassurance that nothing happened . Just because it’s physically effecting you too Dosent mean it’s true . Our minds are powerful .
- Date posted
- 3y
@Princessbubblegum Okay thank you
- Date posted
- 3y
You said it yourself you love her , that’s that. The only thing beyond that Is your mind messing with ya.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve been doing through exactly this lately too. It came and lasted a few weeks, then went away for a few week then i got super stressed out last weekend and it came back. It sucks and it hurts, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too.
- Date posted
- 3y
Going through *
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah sorry you’ve been going through it too. Do you ever wake up with an empty feeling in your stomach like you’ve lost feelings completely?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Every single day lately. My anxiety and ocd seems to be the worst in the mornings
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Do you ever get a really strong urge to end things with your partner?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong That’s what my anxiety is from. A super strong urge to just pack up and run. And is like i know i don’t “want to”. And having the urge makes feel so bad and so scared
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong But it feels so real sometimes it makes me question my own sanity
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Yeah it does feel super real sometimes and that’s when it’s the hardest
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be going through this just because I’m so young and that just makes me think I should just end it but I don’t want to
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong It’s such a struggle. We deserve to be happy and be with our person that we choose. We can’t let ocd ruin our lives and relationships. If you let it ruin this one it’ll ruin any future ones too, don’t let it win
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Okay I won’t let it ruin it. Thanks for helping me
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Of course! You honestly helped me too cause i thought i was so alone in this
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 That’s great! I’m really glad! It’s so much easier knowing that someone else feels the same way and it feels like it weakens the thoughts feelings and urges also
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong 100%!! And someone experiencing the same exact thing shows that it IS ocd and isnt us being in denial
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Yes exactly! Sorry one more question but when you’re around your partner do you get this weird feeling it’s kind of like anxiety but without the stomach ache? I’m not sure how to explain it
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong When my anxiety is bad i get almost a hollow feeling sometimes, like i feel numb. And when i think of something that makes me feel bad, my stomach drops.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong And don’t apologize for asking questions! I’m more than happy to answer anything at all!!!
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- 3y
@lbarton04 Okay thank you!!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong I’m going to do my first NOCD therapy session today for it. I will let you know how it goes!
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Okay I do want to here about it
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Do you have Facebook or Instagram? (And are we allowed to exchange social media on here?) lol
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Yeah I have Instagram but just so you know I’m 17. My Instagram is Samuel.de_jong
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Struggling really hard right now, going through a lot of changes in my relationship with decisions for grad school coming out for both of us, I can’t tell if it’s my ocd or if it’s real anymore. I love her so much but sometimes I cant really see the future like I can see 6 months in advance but that’s about it I’m scared of what it means to see a future. I don’t want to be with anyone else and I am okay with being alone but I couldn’t stand to lose her.
- Date posted
- 23w
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.
- Date posted
- 18w
So I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but I’ve kinda self-diagnosed myself because of my repeated thought patterns and my way to escape them by searching for answers online (“signs I love her” or taking “do I love her or am I attached/codependent” quizzes) and asking loved ones how they knew they were in love. But recently I started to question this symptom of ROCD, wouldn’t someone in denial about loosing feelings for their partner do the same thing? (try to look for reasons that they do love their partner) I started to feel emotionless and apathy for my partner around the 3 month mark but as we grew closer and had real and emotional talks I started to regain my feelings. But sometimes when we are cuddling i’ll get this sudden emotionless feeling and it gives me anxiety. (It also scares me to think this started at the 3 month mark due to the 3 month rule phenomenon I see on social media) Our relationship has always been soo healthy, I really love my girlfriend and I know it but Im not to sure if i’m actually “IN LOVE.” I sometimes get intrusive thoughts about her looks and feel like im in love with her physical potential rather than how she looks now and that feels so wrong but don’t get me wrong either I still still think she’s beautiful regardless of how she looks. I love everything else about her like her personality, kindness, generosity, and loyalty. She’s my first girlfriend so I don’t know how to distinguish between loving someone and being in love with someone. I also don’t know how to or how it feels to move on from someone after so many emotional/special moments with them and the thought about starting a new relationship makes me feel uncomfortable and is just something I don’t want, hence the feeling that I might just be attached/codependent. I feel so uncomfortable when thinking that if we break up I might never see her again and we’ll never get to rejoice in sharing these emotional, special, and beautiful moments. I want it to be her that I spend the rest of my life with so badly but I feel like my mind is stopping me from picturing a future of us together even though that’s what I really want. (writing this sentence^ I got the intrusive thought of “are you sure that’s what you really want” and now i’m questioning myself) I also can’t help but feel this intense anxiousness in my chest and an inner gut feeling/voice telling me to break up with her without any reason other than because I have a strong feeling she isn’t the one. I haven’t acted on this feeling because In the case that I do have ROCD I know this gut feeling/intuition cannot be trusted. I also read, in the case that I do have ROCD the way to treat it is to endure the anxiety and face uncertainty but I feel like there is no uncertainty about my relationship. I feel 100% safe with her and that she won’t cheat on me, so why do i feel like this!!! I don’t want to endure this anxiety forever, I’m so confused! I’m currently looking for therapy to help decipher my feelings correctly and see if I’m experiencing ROCD. But according to what i’ve explained.. Is this ROCD or DENIAL about losing feelings?
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