Samuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
Jenna OverbaughJenna Overbaugh
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! This can be so difficult and is a question I get a lot when working with people who have ROCD. I think the biggest red flag for me and OCD's giveaway is a sense of urgency and wanting to know 100%. Remember, it is normal for people in relationships to have waxing and waning feelings as well as feelings of unattraction, wanting to break up, etc. OCD will make you misinterpret these normal feelings in a way that makes you feel that somehow they are more important, more significant. Try to move forward with your relationship AS THOUGH You did not have doubts, AS THOUGH you did not have these thoughts - act behaviorally as though you do not have ROCD which i know sounds so much easier said than done - but you can do it. good luck
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
Okay thank you!
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong The therapy session went well and was helpful. Just hearing her say it’s ocd took away some of the anxiety from it
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 That’s great to hear! I can’t remember if I told you but I haven’t been diagnosed yet but my appointment is next Monday so I’m hoping I get it, I don’t want it but I don’t want my relationship being taken either.
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Hey sorry to bother you but I was hanging out with my girlfriend today and I got a thought telling me that I’m too young for a serious relationship but I’ve never thought about that before and i don’t actually think that but it kind of ruined my mood for the day and it made it so that I have that weird anxiety but not anxiety feeling. It sucked. I’m pretty sure it’s an intrusive thought just from the way it makes me feel but it’s so hard. I need help but I don’t know what to do
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong I do something similar. I’ll have negative things pop into my head about my relationship or things that aren’t necessarily ideal about it. Just know that you’re not too young for a serious relationship! Live day to day, and remember when it comes to overcoming ocd and anxiety, a wall is built 1 brick at a time, so it takes woek and dedication but the end result is worth it
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Okay thank you
Jaden5Jaden5
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
My therapist used a really good analogy for me the other day that may help you: Imagine the times in your life when you knew that there was a problem that you had to fix. How did you go about fixing it? Was there this back and forth in your mind that came to no solution? Or did you have a straight answer and got to it. That’s how you know it’s OCD talking when you are on a wheel and it offers no solution
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
Well there’s a solution which would be breaking up with her but I don’t want to. Thank you for that it kind of helps me, I’m just worried because I know I can just give into the thoughts and break up with her and it will probably go away but I love her and she’s my best friend I don’t want to. But today I’ve gotten the urge to break up with her and it’s really strong but I don’t want to do it and I don’t think I’ll bring myself to do it either. I just want it to go.
Pepperonimuffin420Pepperonimuf...
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s def ROCD you know by the “what if’s” for me it’s like “what if I downloaded tinder and cheated on my bf” that’s my theme .
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
Okay, but sometimes instead of thoughts I get feelings, like sometimes I feel empty talking to her or numb or anxious. Sometimes my mind finds a reason for me to feel guilty even though I don’t have any
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Not the kind of guilt from the thought of cheating or anything like that
Pepperonimuffin420Pepperonimuf...
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong I get feelings too , anxiety connected with OCD can be very physical . There is a huge list of physical side effects of anxiety . I get the guilty chest feeling like I’ve done something wrong . And will check messages look at dates to make sure it was before we dated . Even message people to give me reassurance that nothing happened . Just because it’s physically effecting you too Dosent mean it’s true . Our minds are powerful .
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@Princessbubblegum Okay thank you
Pepperonimuffin420Pepperonimuf...
- Date posted
- 3y
You said it yourself you love her , that’s that. The only thing beyond that Is your mind messing with ya.
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve been doing through exactly this lately too. It came and lasted a few weeks, then went away for a few week then i got super stressed out last weekend and it came back. It sucks and it hurts, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too.
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
Going through *
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah sorry you’ve been going through it too. Do you ever wake up with an empty feeling in your stomach like you’ve lost feelings completely?
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Every single day lately. My anxiety and ocd seems to be the worst in the mornings
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Do you ever get a really strong urge to end things with your partner?
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong That’s what my anxiety is from. A super strong urge to just pack up and run. And is like i know i don’t “want to”. And having the urge makes feel so bad and so scared
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong But it feels so real sometimes it makes me question my own sanity
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Yeah it does feel super real sometimes and that’s when it’s the hardest
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be going through this just because I’m so young and that just makes me think I should just end it but I don’t want to
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong It’s such a struggle. We deserve to be happy and be with our person that we choose. We can’t let ocd ruin our lives and relationships. If you let it ruin this one it’ll ruin any future ones too, don’t let it win
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Okay I won’t let it ruin it. Thanks for helping me
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Of course! You honestly helped me too cause i thought i was so alone in this
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 That’s great! I’m really glad! It’s so much easier knowing that someone else feels the same way and it feels like it weakens the thoughts feelings and urges also
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong 100%!! And someone experiencing the same exact thing shows that it IS ocd and isnt us being in denial
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Yes exactly! Sorry one more question but when you’re around your partner do you get this weird feeling it’s kind of like anxiety but without the stomach ache? I’m not sure how to explain it
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong When my anxiety is bad i get almost a hollow feeling sometimes, like i feel numb. And when i think of something that makes me feel bad, my stomach drops.
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong And don’t apologize for asking questions! I’m more than happy to answer anything at all!!!
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Okay thank you!!
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong I’m going to do my first NOCD therapy session today for it. I will let you know how it goes!
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Okay I do want to here about it
lbarton04lbarton04
- Date posted
- 3y
@Samuel.deJong Do you have Facebook or Instagram? (And are we allowed to exchange social media on here?) lol
Samuel.deJongSamuel.deJong
- Date posted
- 3y
@lbarton04 Yeah I have Instagram but just so you know I’m 17. My Instagram is Samuel.de_jong
Related posts
Angel1717
- Date posted
- 22w
ROCD or DENIAL?
So I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but I’ve kinda self-diagnosed myself because of my repeated thought patterns and my way to escape them by searching for answers online (“signs I love her” or taking “do I love her or am I attached/codependent” quizzes) and asking loved ones how they knew they were in love. But recently I started to question this symptom of ROCD, wouldn’t someone in denial about loosing feelings for their partner do the same thing? (try to look for reasons that they do love their partner) I started to feel emotionless and apathy for my partner around the 3 month mark but as we grew closer and had real and emotional talks I started to regain my feelings. But sometimes when we are cuddling i’ll get this sudden emotionless feeling and it gives me anxiety. (It also scares me to think this started at the 3 month mark due to the 3 month rule phenomenon I see on social media) Our relationship has always been soo healthy, I really love my girlfriend and I know it but Im not to sure if i’m actually “IN LOVE.” I sometimes get intrusive thoughts about her looks and feel like im in love with her physical potential rather than how she looks now and that feels so wrong but don’t get me wrong either I still still think she’s beautiful regardless of how she looks. I love everything else about her like her personality, kindness, generosity, and loyalty. She’s my first girlfriend so I don’t know how to distinguish between loving someone and being in love with someone. I also don’t know how to or how it feels to move on from someone after so many emotional/special moments with them and the thought about starting a new relationship makes me feel uncomfortable and is just something I don’t want, hence the feeling that I might just be attached/codependent. I feel so uncomfortable when thinking that if we break up I might never see her again and we’ll never get to rejoice in sharing these emotional, special, and beautiful moments. I want it to be her that I spend the rest of my life with so badly but I feel like my mind is stopping me from picturing a future of us together even though that’s what I really want. (writing this sentence^ I got the intrusive thought of “are you sure that’s what you really want” and now i’m questioning myself) I also can’t help but feel this intense anxiousness in my chest and an inner gut feeling/voice telling me to break up with her without any reason other than because I have a strong feeling she isn’t the one. I haven’t acted on this feeling because In the case that I do have ROCD I know this gut feeling/intuition cannot be trusted. I also read, in the case that I do have ROCD the way to treat it is to endure the anxiety and face uncertainty but I feel like there is no uncertainty about my relationship. I feel 100% safe with her and that she won’t cheat on me, so why do i feel like this!!! I don’t want to endure this anxiety forever, I’m so confused! I’m currently looking for therapy to help decipher my feelings correctly and see if I’m experiencing ROCD. But according to what i’ve explained.. Is this ROCD or DENIAL about losing feelings?
isabella123456
- Date posted
- 21w
Rocd
Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.
Ferrety
- Date posted
- 19w
I don't want to break up with my girlfriend but..
I keep having this overwhelming thought of "I need to break up with her," however I really don't want to. It causes me so much anxiety when I try to fight the urge to the point that I'm bed ridden and unable to work. Is this normal for ROCD or am I just fighting my actual feelings?
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