- Username
- Pepperonimuffin420
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’m in a very similar situation. I periodically confess to my boyfriend and there’s never any problem. I don’t know what to say to you because I’m not qualified af all, but just know that there are others going through the same thing ans you’re not alone!
I’ve done more than this too I’ve downloaded many online games and apps and joked with people and talked to them etc etc I even gave these guys my Instagram because they kept harassing me I was a guy . And had short convos with both afterwords and never talked to them again . I even messaged the guy for the messages back in January . But I don’t remember the other guys name and will obsess I said something sexual etc etc . . It’s really bad I try to avoid talking to men now . And don’t use social media besides this and Reddit . I’m very sorry and I hope yours gets better I’m also sorry for writing a book. I’m panic texting .
@Missemily Oof I avoid men too which is super exhausting but I couldn’t imagine cutting myself off from social media! :( I can tell you right now that you don’t need to do that. That sounds very extreme and I promise you you are not being unfaithful just by being on social media. It sounds like it would be very helpful for you to be able to recognise compulsions and manage them. OCD and Anxiety is a very good YouTube channel with a super helpful host but be careful not to use it as a compulsion/confirmation that you have or haven’t cheated (“maybe it’s not OCD” for example). But it sounds like it may be helpful for you to understand compulsions more. I hope this helps!
Also he covers topics specifically like this one so don’t be afraid to check that out, it isn’t just a general ocd channel (whatever general ocd is). I hope things get better for you and you must really care about your boyfriend to worry this much, but take care of yourself too. I would strot recommend looking into healthcare ok? You totally deserve to be happy!! Also just a side note, try treating yourself how you would treat a friend, rather than “I did this thing, I did that thing, I’m such a bad girlfriend”. If your friend came to you with these worries would you respond like that? Probably not! You may begin to have doubts around that but I would go as far to say that that IS ocd. It’s totally anxious and horrible and preys on doubt. But yeah you got this!!! I’m cheering you on from England :D
Thank you for your help I really appreciate it . I’ve chatted with so many people random people boys and girls . And I’m just paranoid I did something bad like I said . I get random jealousy thoughts over other people like in my head I’ll be like “why is he talking to her I’m hotter” and I will take that thought and think it’s cheating and obsess over it . Like I am currently . I have a lot of attention seeking tendencies too maybe because of my family and the emotional abuse I have endured and no social life in real life . But I feel so bad for my bf and I’m trying to become a better person for him and it’s destroying me . But I will look him up on YouTube !! Thank you so much
@Missemily Genuinely to me it just sounds like you’re a social person, and your OCD is picking up on your doubts of whether or not you had bad intentions. It’s like a bully saying “why did you do that? You’re a bad person!”. The more you defend yourself the stronger the bully gets. It sounds like you are super self critical which is super unfair to yourself, and it sounds like you are trying to make connections between your perceived flaws and the act of cheating. Regarding the jealousy - thoughts are just thoughts. We give OCD the green light by giving them value and looking too deeply into them. Imagine how many people would have cheated if simply feeling jealous were enough! It is super late here in England so I am going to head off the app for now but I will read anything in the morning if you wanted to discuss anything else!
@philmitchellswag Also regarding the bully OCD really is like a bully you would face in school. The more you accept what they say, and give less of a reaction, the more they back off. Try and treat it like that, see if that helps? I got that from the YouTube channel too
@philmitchellswag I have agoraphobia meaning I don’t leave the house so social media is the only source of “interactions” I have . I also feel bad because they would label chat rooms stuff like “sexy club” or “strip club” or “dating & smoking” like stuff like that and I would convince myself I was looking for a boyfriend and not entertainment . And I also downloaded apps that were labeled as friend apps and will convince myself I found I guy on there and flirted etc etc . I’m so sorry for all of my examples . But yeah I feel very guilty . I hope you have a good night !! Thanks again
@Missemily To be honest, I can’t think of a reasons why all of a sudden you would do a U turn and completely change your character. It sounds like you were functioning normally and now you are over analysing the past. It may be worth seeing what thoughts/feelings or events may have caused this If you feel that you don’t deserve your boyfriend and the like, this may be where the OCD stems from but I’m not qualified so I can’t confirm! It sounds like your worries come from ocd (as they are obsessive, and I imagine you’ve done compulsions like trying to remember past convos and looking at past convos to make sure you didn’t do anything wrong) I too make the mistake of valuing “did I cheat?” Over recognising ocd and getting better. The harsh truth is that, even if you did, your ocd around this theme will continue. Often times people with relationship ocd are no more likely to cheat than someone who doesn’t, or someone who actually has, so it isn’t really to do with the question of whether or not you actually did or didn’t. Ocd thrives off of this questioning, and the actual theme of it (“did I cheat?”) doesn’t have a lot of real bearing, at least in my experience. It’s just an anxiety disorder and I don’t believe the actions your analysing are totally relevant to it! Agin though, I’m not a doctor
Try to treat this how you would any other OCD thought/theme - accept that it may be true. Reassurance and rumination will not help, as much as it can be tempting. It is okay.
I already did a complusive thing by messaging him and asking and all he said is that he Dosent know but it was probably basic and that I told him about my boyfriend . But my mind will still convince me of things . And it’s just never 100% but that’s how this mental illness goes . I feel like a bad person
@Missemily I understand! At the end of the day, you have to try and step away from doing the things you're used to doing - clearly our compulsions do not work, so despite the fear of trying an alternative, we have all the evidence we need to know intellectually what we need to do. Try to focus on acceptance rather than investigation, rumination and reassurance - they do not work! Acceptance is the key to all of OCD.
@Jay1421 Thank you it really sucks I feel like a evil cheater or something . It makes me not only obsess but also self-hate .
@Missemily In my opinion, self-hate is actually at the core of OCD, not the other way around (that OCD causes self-hate). Obviously it makes you feel worse, but I feel like the themes are often our minds way of trying to 'justify' a feeling that is already there. If we hate ourselves but don't know why, our mind creates these illusions (themes) to try and fill in the blanks. Once we begin to work on loving ourselves, by being compassionate, patient and calm with ourselves, 'OCD' slips away as it is no longer needed.
@Jay1421 Makes a lot of sense thank you for your help I’ll try to keep these in mind
I tried breaking up with my bf cuz I thought he deserves better . I’ve been in toxic relationships before were I couldn’t talk to any guy whatsoever . I’m not sure if it stems from that . And then I read stuff online about cheating and over a anaylize stuff I’ve done . And convince myself. Like I had apps to make friends and will convince myself I flirted with someone. I deleted every app with any possible trigger . And I have dating apps that my iPhone said I downloaded before me and my bf dated and will convince myself I installed them and made an account . And used it . It drives me insane lol.
My boyfriend says it's flirting to talk to someone if they are attractive. I'm paranoid I've talked to my new co worker because he is attractive. I am so anxious right now. I keep asking myself "did I talk to him because he was attractive" and I think I did. I've done this before and it's caused issues in my relationship, and I'm scared if I tell my bf he's gonna break up with me. I didn't say anything flirting it was just like "hey welcome to our job" and "you're going to really enjoy working with Cindy". I'm worried I said things to him because he was attractive. I would have said it to any other new Co worker but I'm paranoid I said something because he is attractive
3 years ago when my boyfriend and i were dating my best guy mate kissed my forehead when saying bye on my birthday I thought i was so weird but i didn’t overthink it as one of my other guy friends did this to us too (rarely) He did it again a few months later to me and my best friend when saying bye and it was again weird but we didn’t look into it too much and continued with our night Do i tell this to my boyfriend now? I feel so guilty i should’ve told my friend to back off He hasn’t done it since that time^ and im not close to him anymore Im on holiday with my boyfriend tomorrow and i feel so guilty
I’m kinda going through a crisis with real even ocd . So basically me and my now bf had started dating back in December of 2020 but that only lasted 2 or 3 days and then we eventually dated again in may of 2021 and been together ever since . Okay back to December of 2020 I was a cashier at dollar tree and this man asked me if I play call of duty . I honestly don’t rmeber how it went . The convo since it was 3 years ago . So I wrote down my gamer tag. I think he was trying to flirt with me I seriouksy don’t remember how the convo went but I think he was trying to get at me if you know what I mean . but all I know is I remember writing my gamer tag down and giving it to him but I did not add him back. I think I was fond of the gesture tho . But I’m trying to figure out did this happen while me and my bf was dating during only those 3 days . Back in 2020 of December . Bc I rmeebr it haponed around the same to but like did it happen before we decided to date even tho it only lasted 3 days . My cheating ocd is eating me up and guilt . I feel like I should break up with my bf . Mind you I have obessed with this and I think talked to my bf about this already and he said it’s fine don’t worry about it but what if it’s not really fine morally even tho I can’t remember when I gave that boy my Gamertag. And by dating I mean being in a relationship *********
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