- Date posted
- 3y ago
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hey guys! I’m sorry to see you guys struggling so much! I also suffer from SOOCD & ROCD. It’s been hell. I suggest you guys listen to the podcast The OCD stories episode #212 where Stephen Smith ( the founder of NOCD) talks about his struggles with SOOCD & ROCD! I know it seems like we can’t get there it but we can!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This monster is killing me inside 💔😭
- Date posted
- 3y ago
OMG! I needed to hear this...Im so convinced I'm gay it's not even funny. Every morning I wake up the first thought is "I'm gay" and I can barely get out of bed. Every day I want to tell my girlfriend I'm gay but I know there is no going back after that and I'm afraid of losing her... I just wrote my therapist. I'm so close to just wanting to end my life or end my relationship so I can go off and do all the gay things I need to do in order to be certain. I'm extremely afraid this isn't OCD and I'm just wasting my money being in denial. This has been an extremely rough morning for me. My thoughts are becoming more and more extreme
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Brad, I really want you to know that you're not alone and everything you wrote is how I feel also. I'm scared. But you helped me get out of bed this morning
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It is good to know that I’m not the only one. Im just so confused like whenever I have a thought about running off and doing these things I get so anxious like my whole Body starts to burn and I can’t breathe. But it feels like I still want to do it regardless? It’s like what is the OCD talking. When I think about staying with my gf I don’t get anxious, but it feels like a lie when I do.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yup! I get anxious around my girlfriend, I feel like everything I say to her is a compulsion (for the most part) and what is really freaking me out now is giving into the gay thoughts is giving me a mix of relief AND anxiety. Like I feel relief if I give into some extreme gay thoughts but would rather kill myself than give in
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It’s strange because I feel comfortable around my girlfriend and when I’m with her I want to do all the intimate things but I get so scared of the thoughts flooding in that I avoid it. If I try and think of ‘gay thoughts’ it feels like I want to but if I try to I can only do it for a few seconds because I have a panic attack? But the fact I may want to really bothers me and I don’t want to feel this way. But I don’t know if this all just one big compulsion to run away from my relationship like I often do when they get ‘good.’ Like is this all just my brain convincing me I need to run again. I’d like to think that’s what it is and it gives me slight relief thinking that but I don’t know if that’s just me hiding behind the OCD curtain
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yes, I've never puked due to the anxiety. I've also experimented with another boy when I was young like 8-10 years old. I don't always get anxiety like I said, sometimes the thoughts bring me a sense of relief although I don't want to agree with them. There are some similarities but also some differences. One of my big things is I'm always noticing guys first if there were a male and female walking down the street. I'm also able to find something attractive about any male yet struggle to find something attractive about almost any female.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This relationship I'm currently in is the best one I've ever been in and has the potential to go the distance. She's a unicorn. Thinking that my brain is doing its best to get me to run away is also a common factor for me. I've never had these thoughts EVER in my head...despite always being around my guy friends, drunk, high, on psychedelics, naked....
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yea! Same here. I really thought I had found ‘the one’ she was the first person I felt as if everything was going to be perfect with. Then my ROCD kicked in which was then followed by HOCD. I had never had same sex fantasies before. I had noticed if a guy was attractive when watching porn or something but the thought of ‘being with them’ had literally never crossed my mind. But now it’s all I can think about. I had had problems in the bedroom when I was younger due to medical reasons but again when I met my gf all of these seemed to go away (and again hence why I was so happy), I no longer had troubles in the bedroom and was always in the moment. I’d actually sometimes cry afterwards just at how in love I felt (sorry to get emotional). Then when the ROCD kicked in all my insecurities started coming up.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Don't apologize. I can't tell you how much I needed to hear your post this morning. I was close to ending it one way or another...and after reading your post I felt some strength to pull myself together even if for the moment and make it one more day. I wish we didn't have to go through this BS and could just have a normal relationship with our preferred gender without having to battle our mind.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
How old are you? I'm 31
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’m 20 but I’ve had OCD since I was around 10. Out of interest when you read posts on here, do you ever feel like your HOCD/OCD must be completely different to everyone else’s?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Oh yeah I get this. I literally was talking to an 80 year old man yesterday and my brain just went “see you find him attractive you want someone like this,” and it’s like literally anyone. I sometimes try and really take a closer look and realise I don’t find them attractive but even that sort of makes the OCD worse? It’s like it’s saying “well if you can have it… I’ll make you want it more.”
- Date posted
- 3y ago
My thing is, I have always gone against the grain my whole life. Never once gave a fuck about what people think about me. This is the first time something doesn't line up with what I truly want out of life. First time I've REALLY felt out of synch with my own beliefs. I also have NEVER found myself noticing men first...its been the most upsetting part of this whole thing....sure, I don't have to find every female attractive but shit, even that tattooed fresh out of prison dude who I know is not a great person is drawing my attention and it sucks.
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This is powerful and I'm glad you had the chance to get the feels out. This really demonstrates how debilitating OCD can get, how it just makes your world smaller and smaller until you have nothing left but the compulsions as you've said. OCD is almost like a drug or substance user disorder, you feel like you need it and you need it more and more until you have nothing left to make you feel better and its taken away everything. I hope you know that you aren't alone and I challenge you to take it one step at a time. Try out the free tools on our app if you haven't already. The SOS function is great. Our live Q and A webinars are also amazing resources for you if you need additional education or support. And finally we are always here if and when you are ever ready to take that step for treatment.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
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- Date posted
- 13w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
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