Okay so I’m trying to accept it but it’s just making me feel depressed. I don’t want it. I want to be happy with my girlfriend again. She was the most important thing in my life and then the OCD hit back like it did when I was a child. And brought up all these insecurities that I had made piece with or hadn’t even realised I had. Now there feels like there’s a glass screen between me and her when she talks about our future I feel like a fraud. I hate ocd. Even if I have been in denial my whole life (which I didn’t think I was) I was happy and content and confident in myself. Now it’s all gone, and it feels like I have no choice but to just tell the ocd it was right all along and live that life because that’s what it feels like I want. But I don’t know what’s me and what’s ocd anymore (even saying that sounds like a lie).

I’ve honestly given up at this point. I mean, there’s just no way around this. I went to therapy. I’ve been on medication for 8 months. Yet, this topic is still the core of my thoughts every. single. day. It seems like I’m fighting something that’s true about myself. And, maybe acceptance will be the first major step to feeling better. Idk. I feel like maybe I’ve been bi my whole life, but was just focused on guys and now it’s developed into both if that makes sense. Like maybe it was always in me, but I didn’t realize until now. So many bi people talk about this. They talk about feeling ashamed (me too) and always liking one sex before and then it changed. I know I have OCD, but, I’m not sure that this is a subset I have anymore. Everything is too real. I’ll miss the way I was before, but maybe I was never that girl before. It’s time to just accept I guess. No matter how heartbreaking it is.

Feeling so lost and overwhelmed. My ocd has been focused on my boyfriend for the past year. We had a rough patch and he made some new friends at work. I then became obsessed he fancied one of them and went through all his messages and obsessively questioned him. He has stood by the fact he didn’t like her like that and other people who speak to him about it think he didn’t. He’s spoken to my therapist and tried to help, but I just can’t get it in my head he’s not lying. The things I believe to be ‘evidence may aren’t really telling. I found out they were still chatting on insta once she left his company but the convo was fairly platonic - they were just talking about work and the new people. She did make a comment it would be more fun if I was still there, but she is french so there is a slight language barrier (I thought this sounded flirty). She also messaged him about a festival she was at with her boyfriend. He said they are very in love and moved in together and from her social media they seem that way. I also once came home and picked up his phone and it opened onto a video of her he’d been watching which he’d filmed of her falling asleep in the office. He said he’d just been flicking through his videos but I became obsessed he was really missing her. All my family and friends think he’s telling the truth. He’s taken me to doctors appointments and keeps telling me the power is in my hands. I told him the other day I’ve spent the past year imagining the things I believe to be true and negatively reinforcing it and said it’s hard to unlearn. He was upset by this and said why have you done that when I’m not lying. He said that if what he’s told me isn’t enough that’s okay. Maybe I can’t get over the fact he had this friend and I can’t trust what he said. Prior to this we’d been together happily for 5 years. He’s now said we’ve spent a year unhappy, me not trusting him and breaking down. He said he wants to really move on with life, start saving for a house etc and has asked me to draw a line under this. He’s broken up with me 3 times in the past to give me a wake up call that he cannot take the questioning and yet I still feel I don’t believe him. I was cheated on in the past and I think that’s really traumatised me. I don’t want my ocd to force me to leave him. It’s seems so unfair, had I not had ocd I wouldn’t have viewed it like this. But maybe I can’t get over it - even though nothing has happened. I feel so bad for putting him through this and so bad I’m not helping myself either. Just want some kind words. Has anyone else ever had their ocd stop them from being able to see things clearly or how other people do?

Why do I feel like I’m going through something different to everyone else on here. I used to relate to everyone’s posts so much and now I just don’t. Everyday gets harder but none of it makes sense, I genuinely feel my sexuality has been altered by OCD. I was perfectly happy and content with my life and then bang the ROCD and HOCD kicked in like a huge brick coming to ruin everything. And the worst part is it makes me feel so convinced, like I want it, sometimes I can’t even tell if it’s made me happy or depressed, sad or angry, anxious or excited. I feel like I’m in the deepest denial