- Username
- BradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
One thing I've been reflecting on is that obsessive thinking is probably a really normal way of thinking about things. So much great art and music has been written by people who were obsessive. A lot of beauty is there. I have the same feeling about my own thoughts lately. What's me and what's ocd but I've come to realize that I'm a pretty ok human, people like me, and I'm going to try not to obsess too much about what parts of me are the OCD and what is the "real me". I want to understand the way in which the OCD is screwing things up for me but I'm sure that it's affected me in positive ways too and plus, it's here to stay.
Yeah but surely thinking about the same thing that just makes you anxious and depressed every second of every day isn’t normal?
I was mostly just reflecting on your last sentence. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I have some other forms of ocd but I think I have some Rocd too. But I'm older now and dating someone who is just lovely and also knows about my ocd. She told me she liked me when we met because I was anxious and funny which was pretty funny because I am anxious and funny. Anyway I've been reflecting that some Rocd has probably hindered relationships in the past and I'm not saying you shouldn't seek treatment and try to relieve yourself of it. I'm just saying I'm accepting my brain for the brain I have. It has good and bad parts. But plenty of people without ocd have all sorts of relationship problems and you absolutely don't know what's going to happen in the future. You may find that having lived with ocd will have made you a kinder person and in this or another relationship your understanding of yourself through OCD becomes the thing that actually helps you have a loving relationship. I was not expecting love in my life in this way.
Great perspective here Sully. I am an old guy too and I have found that your perspective is one of the keys to recovery: accepting my brain, knowing OCD can be a blessing (in some ways), and simply letting things be as they are. Maybe it’s like Anthony De Mello’s concept of awareness and acceptance. Happy thanksgiving to all.
That last sentence is standing out to me too. My main theme is ROCD. And I had the worst episode Monday night and I literally said to my bf I don’t know what’s real. Recently my therapist helped me put together a fear script that I listen on repeat daily 30 min to hour. It made me want to vomit for the first three days but it’s the only thing that calms me and helps me accept the possibility where I feel grounded enough to feel what’s real. Actually I still get very anxious and sick feeling when I begin to listen but by 30 minutes or so I’m better. I’m sure if it’s something that works for everyone but it’s really been helpful to me
*im not sure*
Hi there, BradOCD! Thank you so much for reaching out on here. I’ve been exactly where you are, and it sucks. One of my favorite things my therapist ever told me is that OCD attacks the things you care most about in the world. Your obsessions mean that you care for your girlfriend so deeply (as ironic as that is). Have you brought this up with your therapist? Working on ERP exposures around this will really start decreasing your distress in the long run. You’re doing an incredible job. You’re stronger than you know. Keep it up.
I’ve honestly given up at this point. I mean, there’s just no way around this. I went to therapy. I’ve been on medication for 8 months. Yet, this topic is still the core of my thoughts every. single. day. It seems like I’m fighting something that’s true about myself. And, maybe acceptance will be the first major step to feeling better. Idk. I feel like maybe I’ve been bi my whole life, but was just focused on guys and now it’s developed into both if that makes sense. Like maybe it was always in me, but I didn’t realize until now. So many bi people talk about this. They talk about feeling ashamed (me too) and always liking one sex before and then it changed. I know I have OCD, but, I’m not sure that this is a subset I have anymore. Everything is too real. I’ll miss the way I was before, but maybe I was never that girl before. It’s time to just accept I guess. No matter how heartbreaking it is.
Feeling so lost and overwhelmed. My ocd has been focused on my boyfriend for the past year. We had a rough patch and he made some new friends at work. I then became obsessed he fancied one of them and went through all his messages and obsessively questioned him. He has stood by the fact he didn’t like her like that and other people who speak to him about it think he didn’t. He’s spoken to my therapist and tried to help, but I just can’t get it in my head he’s not lying. The things I believe to be ‘evidence may aren’t really telling. I found out they were still chatting on insta once she left his company but the convo was fairly platonic - they were just talking about work and the new people. She did make a comment it would be more fun if I was still there, but she is french so there is a slight language barrier (I thought this sounded flirty). She also messaged him about a festival she was at with her boyfriend. He said they are very in love and moved in together and from her social media they seem that way. I also once came home and picked up his phone and it opened onto a video of her he’d been watching which he’d filmed of her falling asleep in the office. He said he’d just been flicking through his videos but I became obsessed he was really missing her. All my family and friends think he’s telling the truth. He’s taken me to doctors appointments and keeps telling me the power is in my hands. I told him the other day I’ve spent the past year imagining the things I believe to be true and negatively reinforcing it and said it’s hard to unlearn. He was upset by this and said why have you done that when I’m not lying. He said that if what he’s told me isn’t enough that’s okay. Maybe I can’t get over the fact he had this friend and I can’t trust what he said. Prior to this we’d been together happily for 5 years. He’s now said we’ve spent a year unhappy, me not trusting him and breaking down. He said he wants to really move on with life, start saving for a house etc and has asked me to draw a line under this. He’s broken up with me 3 times in the past to give me a wake up call that he cannot take the questioning and yet I still feel I don’t believe him. I was cheated on in the past and I think that’s really traumatised me. I don’t want my ocd to force me to leave him. It’s seems so unfair, had I not had ocd I wouldn’t have viewed it like this. But maybe I can’t get over it - even though nothing has happened. I feel so bad for putting him through this and so bad I’m not helping myself either. Just want some kind words. Has anyone else ever had their ocd stop them from being able to see things clearly or how other people do?
Why do I feel like I’m going through something different to everyone else on here. I used to relate to everyone’s posts so much and now I just don’t. Everyday gets harder but none of it makes sense, I genuinely feel my sexuality has been altered by OCD. I was perfectly happy and content with my life and then bang the ROCD and HOCD kicked in like a huge brick coming to ruin everything. And the worst part is it makes me feel so convinced, like I want it, sometimes I can’t even tell if it’s made me happy or depressed, sad or angry, anxious or excited. I feel like I’m in the deepest denial
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