- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
One thing I've been reflecting on is that obsessive thinking is probably a really normal way of thinking about things. So much great art and music has been written by people who were obsessive. A lot of beauty is there. I have the same feeling about my own thoughts lately. What's me and what's ocd but I've come to realize that I'm a pretty ok human, people like me, and I'm going to try not to obsess too much about what parts of me are the OCD and what is the "real me". I want to understand the way in which the OCD is screwing things up for me but I'm sure that it's affected me in positive ways too and plus, it's here to stay.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah but surely thinking about the same thing that just makes you anxious and depressed every second of every day isn’t normal?
- Date posted
- 3y
I was mostly just reflecting on your last sentence. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I have some other forms of ocd but I think I have some Rocd too. But I'm older now and dating someone who is just lovely and also knows about my ocd. She told me she liked me when we met because I was anxious and funny which was pretty funny because I am anxious and funny. Anyway I've been reflecting that some Rocd has probably hindered relationships in the past and I'm not saying you shouldn't seek treatment and try to relieve yourself of it. I'm just saying I'm accepting my brain for the brain I have. It has good and bad parts. But plenty of people without ocd have all sorts of relationship problems and you absolutely don't know what's going to happen in the future. You may find that having lived with ocd will have made you a kinder person and in this or another relationship your understanding of yourself through OCD becomes the thing that actually helps you have a loving relationship. I was not expecting love in my life in this way.
- Date posted
- 3y
Great perspective here Sully. I am an old guy too and I have found that your perspective is one of the keys to recovery: accepting my brain, knowing OCD can be a blessing (in some ways), and simply letting things be as they are. Maybe it’s like Anthony De Mello’s concept of awareness and acceptance. Happy thanksgiving to all.
- Date posted
- 3y
That last sentence is standing out to me too. My main theme is ROCD. And I had the worst episode Monday night and I literally said to my bf I don’t know what’s real. Recently my therapist helped me put together a fear script that I listen on repeat daily 30 min to hour. It made me want to vomit for the first three days but it’s the only thing that calms me and helps me accept the possibility where I feel grounded enough to feel what’s real. Actually I still get very anxious and sick feeling when I begin to listen but by 30 minutes or so I’m better. I’m sure if it’s something that works for everyone but it’s really been helpful to me
- Date posted
- 3y
*im not sure*
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi there, BradOCD! Thank you so much for reaching out on here. I’ve been exactly where you are, and it sucks. One of my favorite things my therapist ever told me is that OCD attacks the things you care most about in the world. Your obsessions mean that you care for your girlfriend so deeply (as ironic as that is). Have you brought this up with your therapist? Working on ERP exposures around this will really start decreasing your distress in the long run. You’re doing an incredible job. You’re stronger than you know. Keep it up.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
- Date posted
- 23w
i hate ocd so deeply. just a few months ago the idea of moving in ( in the future ) with the love of my life was comforting and it kept me going. the idea of sharing our lives was everything i needed. now because of ocd it feels like a nightmare, im not excited anymore. ocd makes me doubt that im a bad lover, that i wanted to deeply hurt my lover in the past and that i forgot about it. our relationship was the most comforting thing in my life, genuinely a safe place where i could rest, i felt normal around my lover i could let go of the feeling that I'm a monster. now it's terrible, it's all ruined, i feel like we shouldn't be together, it's a genuine nightmare, and it's not because of them, i love them so much they are the most beautiful person i ever met. it's just that not knowing if i wanted to hurt them or not makes me feel like i shouldnt be around them, so insisting on being in their life makes me feel horrified. my therapist says i shouldn't break up with them because this is all ocd. my lover wants to be with me, they always tell me about how they can't wait to live together, i think they r happy and feel loved in this relationship but it doesn't change how i feel. i Just wish i could go back in time idk what to do anymore. this is what i cherished most in my life and i don't have it anymore and i don't know if ill ever get it back
- Date posted
- 20w
2 months ago I started suffering from ROCD. I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 6 years and everything has always felt so effortless and safe. I didn’t know that I had OCD when this started and I felt like something had taken over my mind. Out of nowhere I was questioning everything. Weather I was attracted to him or not, if I loved him, watching every single thing he does and says and micro analyzing if I like it or not. At first when I realized I had OCD i felt relief. But ever since then its just felt like the thoughts have gotten more complicated and confusing. After learning it was OCD I realized that I had been experiencing it since at least the age of 11. It started with SOCD which was debilitating for months to the point of having emotional breakdowns every night. I was eventually able to let it go but my sexuality since then has always been something I fill unsteady in. I also suffered from POCD after learning my grandfather had sexually touched one of my cousins. Even though I had never thought of a child in that way I became consumed with the fear that I could be capable of something like that. Me and my fiancé have always planned on having kids but I no longer feel excitement towards having kids because of the fear that I could hurt them. Since the ROCD surfaced the SOCD had come back full force. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. There has been so much ruminating. I’ve noticed I do a lot of mental checking on my past and our past together and it’s made it all feel gloomy because my OCD only focuses on the bad. That has made me question if I ever truly loved him or liked being around him which is terrifying. He has been so loving and has been trying hard to understand but I still feel completely in my head whether he is around or not. I have put my fiancé through so much and I hate myself for it. One of my compulsions is word vomiting my every thought which has been scaring for him and me. I’ve tried to rein that in and I’ve gotten a little better at not doing that. I just feel so uncertain of everything. I am constantly having panic attacks about not knowing who I am and I hate it. Our wedding is coming up in October and when I think of it I feel scared instead of excited. I have put the planning on hold because I want to have some sort of handle on this first but my brain is trying to convince me it’s just because I don’t love him and I don’t want to be with him forever. Sometimes I even feel like it’s impossible. Like I don’t even have a choice in the matter. That it is going to end badly no matter how hard I am trying. Every single little problem we had before this (there isn’t many) feels huge. I started with an NOCD therapist a couple weeks ago but we only just started on ERP therapy today that focuses on the SOCD. She is having me look at naked women to see how I feel and gage my anxiety. I made myself look at naked women and men and felt some arousal from both. I know logically I don’t want to be with a woman in that way and the thought of physically being with one isn’t appealing, so that is also confusing. I kept looking up photos until I felt numb to them all. Afterwards for a second it almost felt silly to have been stuck on something that felt so superficial. I know I find women beautiful but I have never felt any desire to be with one sexually or had a crush on one. I’ve only ever had feelings like that for a man. When I was done I came out excited because I felt the freedom to choose the man I am with. I know I love him and I want to be with him but after a couple of hours I feel like all I can focus on is the fact that I felt any sort of arousal towards a picture of a woman. It almost makes me feel like my OCD was right all along and I am just in denial about everything. Even when I am feeling some peace, or like I am myself again I am just terrified of when the thoughts will come back. Everything I do or say I question whether it’s me who is doing or saying that thing or if I’m just doing it because of the OCD. I feel like I have completely lost my mind. I feel like my OCD has stripped me of so much of my identity and dreams and has started to strip me of my sanity. I almost just want to quit but I know how I felt and who I was before all of this and I know this isn’t me. I can’t let it have another win. I really don’t want to loose him.
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