Okay so I’m trying to accept it but it’s just making me feel depressed. I don’t want it. I want to be happy with my girlfriend again. She was the most important thing in my life and then the OCD hit back like it did when I was a child. And brought up all these insecurities that I had made piece with or hadn’t even realised I had. Now there feels like there’s a glass screen between me and her when she talks about our future I feel like a fraud. I hate ocd. Even if I have been in denial my whole life (which I didn’t think I was) I was happy and content and confident in myself. Now it’s all gone, and it feels like I have no choice but to just tell the ocd it was right all along and live that life because that’s what it feels like I want. But I don’t know what’s me and what’s ocd anymore (even saying that sounds like a lie).

Sully75

Date posted: 3y

One thing I've been reflecting on is that obsessive thinking is probably a really normal way of thinking about things. So much great art and music has been written by people who were obsessive. A lot of beauty is there. I have the same feeling about my own thoughts lately. What's me and what's ocd but I've come to realize that I'm a pretty ok human, people like me, and I'm going to try not to obsess too much about what parts of me are the OCD and what is the "real me". I want to understand the way in which the OCD is screwing things up for me but I'm sure that it's affected me in positive ways too and plus, it's here to stay.

BradOCD

Date posted: 3y

Yeah but surely thinking about the same thing that just makes you anxious and depressed every second of every day isn’t normal?

Sully75

Date posted: 3y

I was mostly just reflecting on your last sentence. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I have some other forms of ocd but I think I have some Rocd too. But I'm older now and dating someone who is just lovely and also knows about my ocd. She told me she liked me when we met because I was anxious and funny which was pretty funny because I am anxious and funny. Anyway I've been reflecting that some Rocd has probably hindered relationships in the past and I'm not saying you shouldn't seek treatment and try to relieve yourself of it. I'm just saying I'm accepting my brain for the brain I have. It has good and bad parts. But plenty of people without ocd have all sorts of relationship problems and you absolutely don't know what's going to happen in the future. You may find that having lived with ocd will have made you a kinder person and in this or another relationship your understanding of yourself through OCD becomes the thing that actually helps you have a loving relationship. I was not expecting love in my life in this way.

Date posted: 3y

Great perspective here Sully. I am an old guy too and I have found that your perspective is one of the keys to recovery: accepting my brain, knowing OCD can be a blessing (in some ways), and simply letting things be as they are. Maybe it’s like Anthony De Mello’s concept of awareness and acceptance. Happy thanksgiving to all.

LisaP99

Date posted: 3y

That last sentence is standing out to me too. My main theme is ROCD. And I had the worst episode Monday night and I literally said to my bf I don’t know what’s real. Recently my therapist helped me put together a fear script that I listen on repeat daily 30 min to hour. It made me want to vomit for the first three days but it’s the only thing that calms me and helps me accept the possibility where I feel grounded enough to feel what’s real. Actually I still get very anxious and sick feeling when I begin to listen but by 30 minutes or so I’m better. I’m sure if it’s something that works for everyone but it’s really been helpful to me

LisaP99

Date posted: 3y

*im not sure*

kaylanicole01

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Hi there, BradOCD! Thank you so much for reaching out on here. I’ve been exactly where you are, and it sucks. One of my favorite things my therapist ever told me is that OCD attacks the things you care most about in the world. Your obsessions mean that you care for your girlfriend so deeply (as ironic as that is). Have you brought this up with your therapist? Working on ERP exposures around this will really start decreasing your distress in the long run. You’re doing an incredible job. You’re stronger than you know. Keep it up.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

findingmyway1

Date posted: 19w

Never thought I would be writing this.

Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.

LizM99

Date posted: 7w

Is this something OCD does?

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

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