- Username
- BradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
One thing I've been reflecting on is that obsessive thinking is probably a really normal way of thinking about things. So much great art and music has been written by people who were obsessive. A lot of beauty is there. I have the same feeling about my own thoughts lately. What's me and what's ocd but I've come to realize that I'm a pretty ok human, people like me, and I'm going to try not to obsess too much about what parts of me are the OCD and what is the "real me". I want to understand the way in which the OCD is screwing things up for me but I'm sure that it's affected me in positive ways too and plus, it's here to stay.
Yeah but surely thinking about the same thing that just makes you anxious and depressed every second of every day isn’t normal?
I was mostly just reflecting on your last sentence. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I have some other forms of ocd but I think I have some Rocd too. But I'm older now and dating someone who is just lovely and also knows about my ocd. She told me she liked me when we met because I was anxious and funny which was pretty funny because I am anxious and funny. Anyway I've been reflecting that some Rocd has probably hindered relationships in the past and I'm not saying you shouldn't seek treatment and try to relieve yourself of it. I'm just saying I'm accepting my brain for the brain I have. It has good and bad parts. But plenty of people without ocd have all sorts of relationship problems and you absolutely don't know what's going to happen in the future. You may find that having lived with ocd will have made you a kinder person and in this or another relationship your understanding of yourself through OCD becomes the thing that actually helps you have a loving relationship. I was not expecting love in my life in this way.
Great perspective here Sully. I am an old guy too and I have found that your perspective is one of the keys to recovery: accepting my brain, knowing OCD can be a blessing (in some ways), and simply letting things be as they are. Maybe it’s like Anthony De Mello’s concept of awareness and acceptance. Happy thanksgiving to all.
That last sentence is standing out to me too. My main theme is ROCD. And I had the worst episode Monday night and I literally said to my bf I don’t know what’s real. Recently my therapist helped me put together a fear script that I listen on repeat daily 30 min to hour. It made me want to vomit for the first three days but it’s the only thing that calms me and helps me accept the possibility where I feel grounded enough to feel what’s real. Actually I still get very anxious and sick feeling when I begin to listen but by 30 minutes or so I’m better. I’m sure if it’s something that works for everyone but it’s really been helpful to me
*im not sure*
Hi there, BradOCD! Thank you so much for reaching out on here. I’ve been exactly where you are, and it sucks. One of my favorite things my therapist ever told me is that OCD attacks the things you care most about in the world. Your obsessions mean that you care for your girlfriend so deeply (as ironic as that is). Have you brought this up with your therapist? Working on ERP exposures around this will really start decreasing your distress in the long run. You’re doing an incredible job. You’re stronger than you know. Keep it up.
Does anyone else’s OCD try to tell you if you don’t ruminate you are just suppressing the “real you”? To just admit x,y,z to your self? These things just don’t feel right in my soul. I’m really struggling and I hate this illness. I just want my happy back so bad. I don’t want to feel like I’m loosing myself to this illness.
I’ve got a point where I feel like I’m leading my girlfriend on with my HOCD. If we ever have an argument (which is rare anyway) it adds to my OCD evidence. Every time I read a coming out story I find a little nugget in it I relate to but it still just doesn’t make any sense to me. I feel like OCD has stripped me apart and changed me into something I don’t want to be, but I have no choice but to go along with it. I keep going back over my past and finding evidence that I was in denial I all along and it’s just getting too much because the evidence doesn’t make me feel better, or feel relieved it just makes me feel awful. As if I have no choice in the matter and I just have to do what my brain tells me it wants. This all started when my ROCD was really bad and I literally just heard someone mention the word “gay” on the TV and that became my latest obsession and now I’m starting to think maybe this isn’t OCD at all maybe I’m just gay and in denial but I don’t want to be, but it feels like I have no choice. I was so in love before all of this and it’s taken it all anyway.
HOCD I’m so done with you. You’ve taken everything away from me and every day you make it harder to disbelieve you. I was so happy in my relationship, I was happy with my career. Now I wake up anxious and just don’t want to face the day. Now every little action that goes on in my life is sexualised. It’s become my life… just checking. And the worst thing is all I’ve got left is my compulsions. Because if I didn’t have them I’d probably fully believe you. People on here talk about suppressed sexuality/fluidity. Well I don’t want mine to change, I was perfectly happy going through my life with confidence, OCD was manageable to the point I forgot I had it. And the worst part is you’ve dug up all this stuff that I don’t even see how I can to back to how things were. How will I ever have my old life back when you’ve convinced me it was all one big lie! I had just got to the happiest stage of my life, ready to settle down, I wanted it so badly. And now You’ve taken that away as well, I don’t even know if I want it anymore. Sometimes you even make me resent my partner, telling me that if she wasn’t there I could go and live my ‘gay life.’ Well I never asked for that and never wanted it, had never thought about it. But months of HOCD later it’s all I can think about, now it feels like I do want that, like I do resent my partner. I can’t even kiss her anymore without you filling my head with thoughts. I want to be intimate with her but I can’t, I want to find the excitement and spark again but I can’t and yano what I’ve given up on it coming back! Thanks a bunch brain
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