- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
That doesn’t really sound right it could just be her trying to leave you with uncertainty
- Date posted
- 6y
I have HOCD and the LGBTQ community doesn’t go against my values I don’t have any problems with people being lesbians. The reason I have HOCD is because the thought of living out a homosexual lifestyle makes me feel uncomfortable and feels unnatural to me
- Date posted
- 6y
@ta but then it sucks because then you start to think after a while “what if internally I want to be with a women but I just don’t realize it yet” and you freak out you can’t win haha
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm bi and have HOCD so she's not entirely wrong in that they can overlap - but you have to try and see your orientation and your intrusives as what they are - completely separate things. All HOCD means is that, for whatever reason, the thought of not being straight is distressing to you. That can be the case whether you're straight or not. If the reason it distresses you is that it feels "not you" though, or you feel you know who you're attracted to and these intrusives are going against that/against your sense of identity, then I'd say it's a fair bet you're straight - but I can't tell. Deep down, you know who you are - don't let your fears try to tell you you're someone you're not.
- Date posted
- 6y
@gonzalmac In the end it comes down to any kind of attraction feeling intensely "wrong"/listing potential consequences, because everything feels overwhelming and uncertain. I've spent too long doubting to dislodge it now.
- Date posted
- 6y
Maybe she just wanted you to accept the uncertainty because you never know for sure anything in this life?
- Date posted
- 6y
Meaning fear of being gay and actually be gay. The fear would have to deal with coming out or it goes against your values or anything else.
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t know :( Thank you girls so much for responding?? I’m so upset right now and left her office crying. That is not something I was aware of either but she has me so confused I just hope she is wrong.
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 6y
That sounds like trying to avoid giving reassurance. Is your therapist an OCD specialist?
- Date posted
- 6y
Is she an OCD specialist?
- Date posted
- 6y
Tolly537- she legit said it’s possible and even gave me examples of how. Like it goes against your values and such.
- Date posted
- 6y
Because one time I asked the same thing (can an ocd topic end up being true regarding HOCD) and she just said “I don’t know maybe” and it was definitely her trying to avoid giving me reassurance
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes she is :(
- Date posted
- 6y
I would say next time you talk with her explain how much anxiety it gave you and tell her WHY you don’t want those things to be true you don’t want her to think it is because of family values or anything
- Date posted
- 6y
She knows how much anxiety it gave me ( I would think) I began to cry and have a mini panic attack. And stayed in her office for another 15 min...
- Date posted
- 6y
What did she say after that happened?
- Date posted
- 6y
Well I asked again if I could in fact be gay and have HOCD and she said yes. I told her I felt like i was back at square one... and I left.
- Date posted
- 6y
Now I’m wondering if the reason I don’t want to be gay are deeper more rooted issues... like values. Truth is I already told my family I thought I was gay because I thought that is what I needed to get off my chest to feel better and close friends but now I don’t know.
- Date posted
- 6y
No, not I
- Date posted
- 6y
Was asking the person who posted the thread.
- Date posted
- 6y
@ double check- would you be willing to share what your intrusive thoughts are? Like is it afraid of only being straight? Or only being gay?
- Date posted
- 6y
These are diffefent things. The lgbt community even if they have doubts sometimes, they know how they feel and who they want to be. Their sexuality, and their identity make them happy and finally complete. They are afraid of not being understandood or listened or even hurt from other people, people who love them too, if they come out as who they really feel, as who they want to be. HOCD makes you feel angsty about everything sexual, romantic or whatever happens in your life. HOCD doesnt let you live the present, it makes you sick and desperate and out of yourself. First, fight the intrusive thoughts. Your obssesive condition about every doubt. And then, when you feel stronger. You'll know what do you want to do. Because whatever you choose, the way you are living now is just a nightmare.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 15w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
- Date posted
- 12w
So I’m afraid that I have HOCD, but at the same time that I might also be homosexual. Is that possible? I have all the typical compulsions… checking for attraction, analyzing thoughts, analyzing the past, analyzing emotions, searching the internet. Is it really HOCD? When I see anything related to LGBT, I get strongly triggered. Sometimes I observe how my body reacts around people, but most often I check with ChatGPT to calm myself down, although it doesn’t last long—it depends. I also compare myself to other straight women who look like lesbians, or to lesbians who look like they’re straight. I had a phase where I was analyzing my body… whether I have too much hair, whether I have an Adam’s apple, whether I act like a lesbian without realizing it. I also have the typical intrusive thoughts like “did something from the past actually mean something, or is it a sign?” “am I just lying to myself?” “what if I’m in denial?” “what if I’ve ignored signs my whole life and lied to myself?” “what if I’ll never be able to fall in love with a guy?” “what if there are too many signs and proofs and it’s true?” “what if it’s not HOCD at all?” And much more. But now I’m scared that it’s both—that I have HOCD and that I’m homosexual. I’ve cried multiple times because of this and it’s been going on for 7 months. Some days are better, some are worse. And there’s so much ‘evidence’ that I won’t even list now—over these seven months I’ve found so many things from my past and dreams that I feel like there has to be something to it. I’ve also had around four panic attacks because of this. And I truly believe I have HOCD and that I’m also homosexual, which is killing me and it feels horrible. I just want to be sure that im straight and be at peace. When im doubting and thinking that im a lesbian i feel like im not at peace and i hate it. But u feel like i just need to accept it but i don’t want to and i just want to have a boyfriend, kids but im scared that it’s not possible for me because im lesbian and i actually just think that i want a boyfriend but in reality i don’t. Ughhhh help me.
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