- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! I have been here. I don't want to give you an answer that will give you reassurance, but even in healthy relationships - it is normal to have doubts. When you start to have these thoughts and get anxious, just take time to sit with the thoughts. They don't need answers. ROCD will make you feel like you need to avoid your relationship and confess that you have these feelings. It makes you feel like you're a bad partner, but don't let it trick you! Give acceptance that you won't like your partner every day. Our brains are funny with chemicals and sometimes we just don't feel as drawn to them as we do other days. Accept that this will happen, accept that you will have days where it will feel as if it won't work, but that doesn't mean you have to find a compulsion to get out of the relationship. Soon enough, you'll look back and think about how silly it was that you got so anxious over these thoughts. You got this!
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi. I'm on this app for a while and you wrote exactly my same story. Distressing if you love him enough, If you're connected enough, keep questioning about your feelings, asking for reassurance... I don't have a diagnosis made by a professionist; but that sounds exactly rocd!!
- Date posted
- 3y
Remember that thoughts can't make you a bad person! They aren't nothing if you don't act on them! Also, if you keep searching for an answer, you will never find one! Because once you had find it; you will have to prove it to yourself! =more doubts! (So try to don't answer!!!) Most important, the more you want to feel something, the less you will be able to feel. If you keep thinking "what do I feel now, do I feel enough, let's see if I feel enough attracted, enough in love etc" that will "kill" your real feelings and bring only anxiety/ apathy!
- Date posted
- 3y
I saw this post and legit thought I was reading my own post for a second... At the time I thought maybe it was rocd but then it I thought it was relationship anxiety but recently I went to a psychiatrist and now I know I have OCD so that answers that question
- Date posted
- 3y
Sorry I forgot to answer your question, it sounds so much like my experience that it definitely sounds like relationship ocd!
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh man, I'm going through almost the exact same. Having a mind like that is quite unfair /: I don't know if it's OCD but it could be (I am u diagnosed too). This might as well be relationship anxiety as those two are almost identical. Try to stop asking people for reassurance, love is a choice. If u decide to be with him then stay, even if Ur head makes it feel like u don't want that to be your choice ( I suffer from this, but I know better than my feelings and emotions when I make this decision).
- Date posted
- 3y
I want to share my experience! I have like you, doubts on mine feelings about the rightness of the relationship etc. But I really wanted to be with this guy. I was in conflict with myself, I felt so guilty, and I was thrown in a spiral of doubt -> anxiety & guilt & sadness -> can't feel positive feelings -> more doubts! I started to be really depressed, because I thought exactly like you that if I have these doubts that already means that they are true. (Spoiler! They are not!) I kept proving myself, like "oh he is Hugging me, what do I feel? Do I feel enough?" And "if I think to him, I don't feel very much! So I probably don't love him enough, we should broke up"... I kept searching for answers; but that only worsened things! I came to the conclusion, that decisions in love, like in everything else, should be something that we do spontaneously, and most important don't cause anxiety and bad feelings! I used to think "if someone asks me if I want a glass of water, the answer is a yes o no, without even thinking about it! Every decision should be like that!!" So i started to searching for help me, and for me the game changer whas therapy + this app, when I finally understand everything! Now I'm still struggling sometimes, but I'm mostly happy, and i can enjoy back again my relationship.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.
- Date posted
- 9w
Okay. This might be a little long. Basically I’m just wondering if this is really ROCD or if I officially lost feelings for my current boyfriend. BACKGROUND ABOUT ME: I assume this might help whoever reads this, and that may explain my situation. Long story short I have bad anxiety and OCD about intrusive thoughts. I figured out about my anxiety from a therapist after it started to get really bad when I was in middle school. However I figured out about my OCD this year. Before middle school I started to get anxiety from my dad. My parents divorced and he was an emotional abuser and very narcissistic. So since I was little I was always careful on what I did and said. And then another topic is that I had an ex bf who acted close to him. He was very insecure so he was controlling over me and was narcissistic and also emotionally abusive towards me. Always played the victim, etc. So he kind of traumatized me because we fought daily and just the way he treated me. My current bf is a green flag to me. We don’t fight, he is kind, understanding, funny. He checks all my boxes. Me and him were friends for about a year before we considered being together. 2 MONTHS AGO: this is when it started. It was a Sunday and me and him were going to an event at my school. It was for seniors because we were graduating the Sunday coming up. And we hung out the past 2 days and from what I remember things were like they were. Me and him were about to hit 8months the up coming Monday and I did understand that’s the time where the “honeymoon” phase becomes more.. I’ll say realistic? Anyway, we were close to leaving and something in my gut was off. Idk what it was. Idk if I was nervous for the event or something. But I just had a weird feeling. Again I have bad anxiety and OCD so I was scared about all the kids that were there. I don’t know. Anyway we left and when got to about 3 minutes away from our location my bf turns to me in the car and tells me how lucky he is to have me and how much he loves me. Then the thought “idk if I love you the same anymore” came in my head. And my gut feeling worsened. It was unnoticeable before but after he said that and I thought what I thought it got so much worse. Like it was sickening for me. I I love you back immediately but that thought.. I didn’t let it go. I couldn’t enjoy the night at all. I tried to act like everything was fine but inside I was suffering. Later that night he took me home. And I couldn’t get rid of that thought in my head. We FaceTimed a bit later like we did almost every night but I couldn’t be on the phone. Every time I looked at him I felt guilty and that thought kept coming back that I lost my love for him. So about 5-10 mins later I told him I was tired, said our goodnights and hung up. I cried. I didn’t like what I was feeling and I didn’t know what it meant. It was hard to fall asleep but once I did I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the thought about my bf. I got up to splash water in my face to cool me off because I was sweating. I got ready for school and I was crying I was confused, worried, I didn’t even know. I cried to my mom later and she didn’t know what to say or do. I cried all day at school and my gut feeling was horrible. I’ve never had it as bad as I did the first few days after this started. PRESENT(2months later): I already typed a lot so I don’t want to make entire book. But now, it’s like the gut feeling is there but tolerable. I still get the thoughts and the gut feeling does worsen a bit when my bf texts me and I see his face in photos and such. Or even think about him. My main concern is that we are supposed to go on a trip together next month and before this happened I was so excited to go with him. And now it’s like “what if I’m not better” “I don’t love him anymore to go with him.” Idk what to do. It’s like a chore for everything, when I text him, hanging out, calling him. Everything. Idk why to do. Idk if it’s because I was reck for the event or because of graduation and needed a reason for my nervousness? Idk. He didn’t do anything, he hasn’t done a single thing but be there for me. As much as I’ve been there for him. I don’t want to lose him. There is more to this story so if you want to ask go for it. I know this is hella long so. But I just want the help. Please let me know!!
- Date posted
- 6w
I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!
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