- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I wouldn’t say I’m in full recovery- but I’m very far along in the journey and I would say I could see an “ending light”. I was so bad that I was bed ridden for days, physically sick. Couldn’t keep even ice chip down. I would be shaking almost all the time. Thoughts felt like they were always there. Horrible images would go through my mind of me hurting my loved ones in brutal ways. Dealt with intrusive urges that felt like I was no longer who I thought I was. Now I might have an intrusive thought about once a day- and it doesn’t last long. My life is close to being mine again. It is possible
- Date posted
- 3y
How did you get to where you are?
- Date posted
- 3y
@bulldogmomma13 Well it’s taken me almost a year to really get a hold of it. First, educating myself helped me a ton- I mainly did this through the YouTube channel ocdrecoveryuk. Then I went to therapy and started doing erp. Erp was really hard, but having that building block is crucial. It helped decrease my anxiety a lot and stay more in the present- and then having a couple sayings to through at my ocd when I’m experiencing an “ocd attack” so to say helped me tremendously. These go along the lines of- “I’m pretty sure I would not prefer that to happen, so I’m just going to stay in the present. It could happen or it could not. I have handled every horrible thing thrown at me so far in life, so even if worse case does happen I’m pretty confident I could handle that too.” This allows for the door to acceptance to start opening. Now that I have accepted a lot, I don’t struggle like I used to. ocdrecoveryuk just recently posted videos on ways to accept ocd and what it means to accept it. For the longest time I felt like if I accepted it, than that means I agree with my theme. When that’s not it at all!
- Date posted
- 3y
When I started treatment, I was having a lot of intrusive thoughts about both harm and suicide OCD. Sometimes both together. I was having thoughts of hurting my parents. This led to an intense fear of knives. I couldn't hold a knife for more than a few seconds. I did a couple of exposures. One of them was washing and drying knives. The other involved watching a slasher movie in 5 minute segments. I chose Scream because the killer uses a knife. Both were brutal. I still occasionally get harm and suicide intrusive thoughts, but I am able to cope with them much better now. I can hold even large knives with no problem. I am so thankful for my therapist and ERP. Its been life-changing. I am now in recovery. Just remember, recovery is a process, not a destination. Recovery IS possible.
- Date posted
- 3y
About few months ago, I started having intrusive thoughts about knifes and sharp objects. All kinds of violent images pictured in my mind. I would stay in my room for as long as I could, avoiding the kitchen as a whole. I even hid my scissors in a drawer that I barely use. Everytime I hold a knife, I wouldn't be able to do anything with it and just let go of it and avoid, it was terrible. I knew I couldn't avoid for the rest of my live, so I started to go on my day without hiding or avoiding my triggers. Slowly but surely, it became more manageable. I never specifically done any exposures, I just went on my day, handling sharp objects whenever necessary. Nowadays, I still occasionally get thoughts, but they barely affect me. Even if I was in the kitchen, with sharp knifes displayed near me, with strong urges to grasp the knife, I could handle these thoughts. The key to my recovery was habituation, getting used to my trigger environments and challenging my fears. Untangling myself from OCD's threads.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! I am someone who went through the NOCD program and now I advocate for the program. I had harm OCD, and I am in recovery. I still have thoughts, and that will never change, BUT I don't search a way out of them and that is the key to treatment. You want to learn to accept your obsessions, but not try to find answers to the thoughts. What was the best way for me to combat my obsessions was to learn to sit with them in the moment. Anytime I got anxious from my thoughts, instead of trying to find a way out - I would sit and allow the anxiety. I would go through my emotions: crying, anger, exhaustion. I went through it all, but it taught me not to be so scared because eventually when the anxiety winds down, you realize it was all fear based.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
Okay so I’ve dealt with harm OCD from the beginning. Started off with harming my kids, going to jail and then harming myself. The harm to myself stuck around for a long time. Then it went away and other themes picked up but it keeps coming back. This is like the third time it’s come back and every single time it comes back it feels worse. It feels like this is the time something is going to happen. Has anyone ever dealt with this? With old themes constantly coming back and feeling more real? Please any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
- Date posted
- 13w
Honestly ocd has been so tough these past months, like I wake up in the morning thinking I accidentally hurt my whole family and just don’t remember. And I start to question so much. And freak out thinking that I did. If anyone can relate I would love to hear from you ;) and any things that may helped you
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond