I wouldn’t say I’m in full recovery- but I’m very far along in the journey and I would say I could see an “ending light”. I was so bad that I was bed ridden for days, physically sick. Couldn’t keep even ice chip down. I would be shaking almost all the time. Thoughts felt like they were always there. Horrible images would go through my mind of me hurting my loved ones in brutal ways. Dealt with intrusive urges that felt like I was no longer who I thought I was. Now I might have an intrusive thought about once a day- and it doesn’t last long. My life is close to being mine again. It is possible
How did you get to where you are?
@bulldogmomma13 Well it’s taken me almost a year to really get a hold of it. First, educating myself helped me a ton- I mainly did this through the YouTube channel ocdrecoveryuk. Then I went to therapy and started doing erp. Erp was really hard, but having that building block is crucial. It helped decrease my anxiety a lot and stay more in the present- and then having a couple sayings to through at my ocd when I’m experiencing an “ocd attack” so to say helped me tremendously. These go along the lines of- “I’m pretty sure I would not prefer that to happen, so I’m just going to stay in the present. It could happen or it could not. I have handled every horrible thing thrown at me so far in life, so even if worse case does happen I’m pretty confident I could handle that too.” This allows for the door to acceptance to start opening. Now that I have accepted a lot, I don’t struggle like I used to. ocdrecoveryuk just recently posted videos on ways to accept ocd and what it means to accept it. For the longest time I felt like if I accepted it, than that means I agree with my theme. When that’s not it at all!
When I started treatment, I was having a lot of intrusive thoughts about both harm and suicide OCD. Sometimes both together. I was having thoughts of hurting my parents. This led to an intense fear of knives. I couldn't hold a knife for more than a few seconds. I did a couple of exposures. One of them was washing and drying knives. The other involved watching a slasher movie in 5 minute segments. I chose Scream because the killer uses a knife. Both were brutal. I still occasionally get harm and suicide intrusive thoughts, but I am able to cope with them much better now. I can hold even large knives with no problem. I am so thankful for my therapist and ERP. Its been life-changing. I am now in recovery. Just remember, recovery is a process, not a destination. Recovery IS possible.
About few months ago, I started having intrusive thoughts about knifes and sharp objects. All kinds of violent images pictured in my mind. I would stay in my room for as long as I could, avoiding the kitchen as a whole. I even hid my scissors in a drawer that I barely use. Everytime I hold a knife, I wouldn't be able to do anything with it and just let go of it and avoid, it was terrible. I knew I couldn't avoid for the rest of my live, so I started to go on my day without hiding or avoiding my triggers. Slowly but surely, it became more manageable. I never specifically done any exposures, I just went on my day, handling sharp objects whenever necessary. Nowadays, I still occasionally get thoughts, but they barely affect me. Even if I was in the kitchen, with sharp knifes displayed near me, with strong urges to grasp the knife, I could handle these thoughts. The key to my recovery was habituation, getting used to my trigger environments and challenging my fears. Untangling myself from OCD's threads.
Hi! I am someone who went through the NOCD program and now I advocate for the program. I had harm OCD, and I am in recovery. I still have thoughts, and that will never change, BUT I don't search a way out of them and that is the key to treatment. You want to learn to accept your obsessions, but not try to find answers to the thoughts. What was the best way for me to combat my obsessions was to learn to sit with them in the moment. Anytime I got anxious from my thoughts, instead of trying to find a way out - I would sit and allow the anxiety. I would go through my emotions: crying, anger, exhaustion. I went through it all, but it taught me not to be so scared because eventually when the anxiety winds down, you realize it was all fear based.