Please help me. I have not used this app in months, but I am actually lost. 1.) I have been BEGGING to go back to therapy for my OCD for months. (Around five to six months now) My mom always tells me that she’s doing the best she can or genuinely gets annoyed (it’s like she gets mad when I try to bring it up) the thing is I would understand if she didn’t have the money for me to go back to therapy, but she constant buys food that is the worth of the bill she needs to pay to let me go back into therapy. So basically, she owes my therapist 100 dollars. It’s been six months. She makes a lot of money. She just doesn’t think my OCD is important. 2.) Everything in my life is triggering. It’s to the point where the thought of not doing a compulsion, makes me break down. I try erp, but I don’t think I can without a therapist. I’ve used this app to help me with erp. I need professional help. I feel as if I won’t get help for months ahead. 3.) I am really isolated, and I don’t have a way to socially have contact with irl people. I have a boyfriend and he is pretty much the only person I see outside of family. I’ve been homeschooled for years, so I’ve lost touch with the people I was friends with in school. If I do want to see or do anything (even going to the store for something and sometimes seeing my bf I have to DEEP clean the whole house) the isolation has caused me to not even be able to look at my family in the eyes. I feel so crippled and stuck. What should I do? I’m thinking about telling my mom I need to go to hospital for a long stay. The last time I did that the bill was 12,000, and it was a very traumatic stay, but I am so mentally ill from my OCD. I feel like every option I have is something I’ve tried. Merry Christmas btw if you actually read this. Also you don’t have to pity me or reassure me. If you’d like to comment, please give me advice on how to approach this situation.

I really want somewhere to vent so this might take some time to read, sorry. I’ve had an awful morning. It feels like I’ve gone back a step in recovery because I’m feeling the same way I felt a couple months ago when my hocd was at its worst. I had completely convinced myself that I’d be better for Christmas (which I know is wrong to do but I couldn’t help it- I got through some difficult times by telling myself that). I’ve got family coming round tomorrow so we can celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and I’m scared I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel the same as I do today. This times last year I was perfectly fine and it’s depressing knowing that I’ll never be free of this again (I’m only 15 so having to face the rest of my life with ocd, especially hocd, horrifies me). I feel utterly trapped and hopeless as well as being convinced my intrusive thoughts are true because my ocd doesn’t seem as bad as everyone else’s. Yesterday I was doing so much better and now I’m a mess but for some reason it still doesn’t feel like I have ocd and this is all one big denial. I’m not sure what I expect anyone to say but I just felt the need to tell someone since nobody in my life knows what I’m going through right now. I just want to be ok for Christmas because I haven’t seen my family in a while. This is all so overwhelmingly isolating:(

Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?

hii everyone, so, it has been about 2 or 3 years I’d say since I’ve been dealing with this. let’s just get right into it, so first, whatever I have (which might be OCD, I’m not entirely sure what it is) has taken over basically most of my childhood, and what kills me is that I’ll never get it back. one thing I know is that im not normal, i now get sleepless nights. why you may ask? because of my horrifying thoughts, “if you don’t look up you’ll be praying to the devil and you’ll go to hell!” “if you don’t say ‘God bless them’ their condition will happen to you!” “if you don’t say ‘good yetho 2x’ (idek..) ‘your mom will die 5x’ you’ll die and forget how to read. “if you don’t put your arms up, look directly up at the ceiling because if you look down you’ll pray to the devil so you need to look up, and say ‘Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.’ you’ll go straight to hell!” or whenever I touch a wall, i need to touch it with my small finger because if I touch it twice with my pointer finger my body will go to hell. it’s an endless cycle, and what’s even worse is that I may never be able to get help. I’ll never get that life back that I wanna live, and it kills me. I’ve named most of the compulsions and obsessions I have and I have 18 compulsions that are physical and about 5 obsessions that I really don’t wanna name right now. anyway, i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done a lot of research regarding around disorders, and it’s safe to say that I may have OCD. Now, do i want ocd? absolutely not. however, there’s a family member in my family who has it. so the chances of me having it are strong, i don’t think I’m able to get better until I’m 18. an adult. I’m 12 years old, my mom has noticed my compulsions and me repeating certain words. but she does nothing, absolutely nothing. instead, she just argues with me over it. if I ever tell my mom to sit down and ask her about getting a test, she would probably call me the R-Slur and tell me I’m crazy. Therefore, I’m all alone in this situation with no one to help me. another obsession I have is about me catching cancer if I don’t do a compulsion or I might get paralyzed and get sleep paralysis. It’s so horrifying, there’s more obsessions and compulsions I have but I really don’t wanna name them right now. I cry almost every day because of how exhausted I am, and how much help i truly want to get but I don’t think I ever will. I’m unsure whether or not I have ocd, people tell me to get a diagnosis. but the situation I am in right now makes it impossible. i have no way of getting tested but I have a good feeling I have ocd, if you’re reading this, please try to give me your thoughts and what I should do, and if I even have OCD. Thanks! :))