Hocd is constantly saying to me that I'm just in denial. Like it's trying to force me to be something I don't want to, it keeps telling me that I should just give in, and that terrifies me. It tells me that I'm actually unconsciously homophobic (I never was), and that's why I resist it so much. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so sad and hopeless. Hocd is crushing all my dreams and expectations for the future.

i know exactly what you’re going through. but i’ve been doing so much better and i’ve gotten here because i just let the thoughts pop up and i just don’t react to them or let them tell me who i am. i know exactly who i am and i know that these are just thoughts and i know that you can get through this too. i was at this exact same spot and then i just stopped caring and let the thoughts happen. i know this is going to be very hard but just accept the possibility. i know it’s so hard to do and yours probably saying, “but there is no possibility that i am gay so i can’t do that,” that’s what happened to me for a while. but now i’ve realized that it’s just accepting a possibility even though for me personally it’ll never be like that. i am straight and i know that but i just have to accept that these thoughts are just tricking me and they’re triggering my anxiety and all this sadness. just try and accept the uncertainty and just try not to let the thoughts get to you because it makes it so much worse. just know that we’re all here for you and i know exactly what you’re going through. i’m always here for you if you need to talk or if you need anything!

That’s exactly me, though it’s with POCD, not HOCD. It just goes to show they OCD does the same stuff, just with different topics!

Oh my god this is happening to me too. I am on the fase where I am starting to think I am asexual. But mine has been bi<lesbian<asexual because right now I don’t like anyone. But seriously when I think about the thought of being with a girl it disgusts me and I wouldn’t like it. But my head keeps telling me “maybe because you don’t how it’s like” but I am positive I don’t want that.

I can totally relate =(

Are you almost recovered then?

i would say so. i used to have these thoughts 24/7 but now i’ve only had them 2 in the passed 2 weeks and i just let them happen. i try not to let them get to me because i truly know who i am and i know this is just a hurdle i have to get over

Thank you so much for this! It means a lot to me. I'll try to do this and hope for the best. Recovery from ocd is really scary, because it means accepting the possibility of being something that we actually don't want to be. All we want is just to wake up one day feeling completely at ease, and just seeing how silly this was. OCD gone for good.

Oh, and by the way, are you being assisted by a therapist or are you doing this on your own?

@ta exactly that’s what happened to me one day. i was just sitting there then a thought cane into my head saying “what if you’re gay” and that just really messed with me because i’ve NEVER had a thought of being with a girl in any type of way. that’s why i was so mad when these thoughts started taking over everything and i knew i needed to change something so i started just letting everything happen

exactly it’s terrifying because it’s something that can just randomly start up one day and when you don’t know what it is you start to feel as if it’s true or you’ve been lying to yourself

i have felt like that yes. i thought at first i was just gay, then it went to bisexual, then i thought asexual because i felt as if i didn’t have a crush on a guy at that time so i thought “oh you’re just not attracted to anyone” but i’m feeling so much better now

i haven’t seen a therapist i’ve been doing this on my own @lavander

i am positive. i’ve never had an attraction to a girl in my life. even when i look back at it i’ve never felt anything towards a girl. but it’s completely different with guys. i have these thoughts but it just randomly started but i know now that i can’t control the thoughts and i just can’t try and block them out or it’ll make things worse @ta

That's so inspiring! My therapist isn't a specialist and her treatment hasn't being effective. She says I don't have OCD because I can go on with my life (of course I do, my obsessions and compulsions are all in my head. I can get stuff done feeling overwhelmed and sad). I think she has no clue of what pure o is. She says I made up having ocd in my mind, but my symptoms had already started before I found out the possibility of this being this illness. It's just *impossible* that this is normal. I want to stop going there, she just keeps telling me to ignore these thoughts and do something else, as if I'm choosing to obsess over them. I'm just done.

Because I had a gay dream that I was kissing my best friend, I didn’t enjoy it at all. I was disgusted. And in that dream I clearly remember them enjoying it more than me and me thinking “heyyy I am not like that”