How many with harm ocd towards a spouse have told them about your thoughts? How many have had their spouse say they were afraid because it’s a natural human thing to fill if someone told them such things

I am really struggling with harm ocd. ( The fear of hurting others) My ocd is very tough to combat at the minute. I feel like i’m having intrusive thoughts every minute of every single day. Except from when Im distracted. I feel guilty and foul for the thoughts. I have this strong intrusive feeling that feels impulsive, as if i’m about to act on a thought. It almost feels like I want to. But I really don’t and i’m so scared this isn’t normal. I keep thinking. “What if this isn’t OCD” “What if i did that” and it’s really worrying me as it feels relentless and as if I’m about to do it. In my head chest wrists. I feel tired of this. I don’t know much about compulsions etc but i find myself - Asking my bf if he gets intrusive thoughts like me. Asking him if he actually does and asking repeatedly. - I ask him over and over again and check if he definitely does. - I will literally try to fight the thoughts by kind of saying “ as if i’m not that type of person” Then saying everything will be okay to myself. Please can someone tell me if this is normal. Yes I may be looking for reassurance but i need to know if it is, Im scared, i’m crying. Please tell me if you’ve had this feeling of as if you’re about to do it!

Does anyone else get “I hate you” thoughts towards their loved ones? For me specifically it’s towards my mom. I have harm OCD and it tends to be directed towards my mom. I have always been close to my mom, she’s my best friend and I know I do love her. I had not ever questioned my love or closeness to her before. However, now with this flare up, I keep getting “I hate you” thoughts whenever I’m with my mom. Even just looking at her can bring this thought into my head. I don’t feel anxiety towards it, but it does make me feel sad and down. I ruminate about how I truly feel, like I’m testing my feelings towards her - do I really hate her? Have my feelings changed and I know longer love her? I have told her this before, out of guilt and seeking reassurance, and she knows I have OCD, but it makes me feel guilty to tell her that since I know it makes her sad. So I guess my main question is, does anyone else get these kind of thoughts? And then do you question your feelings and just feel hesitant to even be around the person?

I’m so tired of my OCD changing “themes.” And no matter what it changes to, it’s always directed towards a specific person - my mom. My mom and I are very close. I consider her my best friend and we live together. I can share anything with her and she’s very supportive. I’m 32 now, but harm ocd started when I was 15 and she was the main target back then as well. I had a bad flare up this year and the harm thoughts came back, but about a week ago they turned into sexual thoughts. Graphic thoughts and images about incest. These thoughts typically make me feel panic and dread, and just an overall depressed feeling. It has made me uncomfortable to be around my mom, since I can’t even look at her without a sexual thought or image popping up. Even watching a romantic scene in a show, listening a romantic song, etc. My brain wants to put an image of her in my head. Even me fantasizing about a man that I’m attracted to will replace the man with my mom. They just keep popping up. So this of course makes me think I actually want these things, and are actually fantasies. I have started to wonder if I’m in actual denial or that these are my true feelings. I have never been a relationship before due to not having much interest in it plus my mental health issues started as a teen, but someday I would like to get married. But now I’m thinking maybe I’ve never pursued a relationship with someone else because I’m actually in love with my mom and want to be with her, but I can’t so I’m just suppressing my feelings. And I do love my mom, but I question myself is this just platonic or familial love? Also questioning our relationship in general now - is it unhealthy or too dependent? It makes me feel doubt, since I have never really been in love before with someone else so I have nothing to compare it to. Always just crushes or finding a man attractive, and I identify as straight. But I also have not thought of my mom in a sexual way before, so I’m hoping this is just my OCD acting up. Even thinking about a future relationship with a man is making me feel nervous, since I think if I have feelings for my mom, will I ever be able to be in a serious relationship someday? If I’m with someone will I actually just picture her? It makes me feel hopeless, like I can’t help how I feel and what if these things are true? Would I act on them? My brain even made me think, “you want to ask your mom to be in a sexual relationship with you and/or want her to ask you.” I feel like such a pervert for writing that, like a truly disgusting person. I know I don’t want these things to be true, but what if they are and I can’t help how I feel? Again just feel doubt and uncertainty, that I’m in denial, and not to mention just feeling like a very sick individual.