TW Does anyone else have this, I’ve come to a stage where I feel I’m at my worst (even though it’s probably not true). I really feel like I’m turning into the person I have feared to be for the most part of a year now. Every thought that comes in to my head I don’t feel any anxiety nor disgust anymore, if I think about anything that is disgusting I feel nothing whatsoever. My compulsions are at the worst they have ever been but most days I’ll think “what’s the point in even doing the compulsions” because I don’t feel anything towards them. I haven’t masterbated in weeks because I just feel weird every time I think about sex. Every time I say to myself “I don’t want these thoughts anymore” my mind will say yes you do and I get this urge or feeling as if I do. I’ve tried to look up some of these symptoms but every-time I look, most articles just say “someone is stressed all the time” or “debilitated by these feelings”, I use to feel like that but I feel like my mind has been warped over time and it’s as if my body and mind have given up and said “You do like these thoughts so you might as well act on them”. Sorry for the long winded paragraph but I just feel so uncomfortable at the moment and I just don’t know who I am at the moment.

Maraki

Date posted: 3y

When you have had intrusive thoughts, feelings, sensations and urges for a long time for a long time it's common that they don't cause the same reactions (feat, anxiety, disgust, shame, guilt) as they may have done in the beginning. But there is still the obsessive compulsive cycle which causes some discomfort at some level. It sounds like the thoughts are still bothering you (distress, discomfort, fear) as you are avoiding mastubation, and looking up things to help you feel better. Remember OCD is very clever and will want to keep you doubting your sexuality. It's all about not being able to tolerate uncertainty - stop arguing with OCD it always wins. The treatment is about accepting that you have a disorder which wants you to have certainty and figure it out. So respond with 'maybe I am ____, maybe I'm not I don't need to figure it out now. I just need to get on with my day living my values and not do compulsions (mental checking, testing, ruminating, reassurance seeking, avoidance). You are not alone in what you experience - I promise.

Anonymous_29

Date posted: 3y

Wow! thank you for this, this past week I feel as If because I am so uncertain of myself that I have started reassurance seeking way too much, thank you for this explaination I really needed someone else’s perspective on my situation 👍

Aakron

Date posted: 3y

I'm feeling the same way. I'm not even getting panicky when I think "what if it's not ocd". I still feel like I'm trying to figure out why these thoughts aren't causing anxiety but I feel as if I'm choosing them and choosing my compulsions. I watched a video where a specialist talked about how we can get so used to and so comfortable in the anxiety and compulsions that it adds a sense of calmness because we know what we need to do to combat it. It's become habitual.

Anonymous_29

Date posted: 3y

I feel exactly the same way pal, it’s such a weird feeling when you have had just non stop anxiety and stress and then to suddenly feel nothing about any subject/topic, you just feel even weirder, cheers for sharing your situation, take care of yourself pal 🙏

Tyler Devine

Date posted: 3y

Hey there! My name is Tyler Devine and I am one of the advocates here at NOCD. Let me start by saying I’m sorry you are having a rough time. OCD is a very, very debilitating area in the realm of mental health and anxiety disorders. However, we know this. Saying how hard it is and continuing to dig a deeper hole is not how you win this daily battle. Learning to face OCD head on is something that comes with time and practice. I’m not sure where you are in your journey with OCD, but let me give you some background on myself: I’m 27 years old and have been dealing with ocd since I was young. About five years ago, I finally surrendered to the monster that is OCD (particularly SO-OCD, which if you’re unfamiliar with some of the main subtypes of ocd, is obsessive thoughts, feelings etc of a sexual relation). Ever since then, I have never looked back. I know it’s tough but trust a vet like me who has put a lot of time into this stuff when I say you are far from alone. Some big things that helped me tame the beast and still do to this day are meditation, prayer, ERP (both staged and in real time), help from a specialist, faith, and medication (if necessary, as a supplement to your training). All these things combined with a positive attitude toward yourself and your OCD will lead you to victory! Keep helping others and keep utilizing the wonderful community of therapists and people who struggle with the same stuff like you and me. Strength and prayers, Tyler D

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 23w

Self pleasure and intrusive thoughts :/

I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh

POCD

Luke_McElwee

Date posted: 17w

Losing my shit, freaking out

Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.

nevieocal

Date posted: 14w

Can someone please help me?

I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.

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