Hello everyone, I really need help or advice (advice that isn't triggering please). My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and I struggle alot with ROCD. I get scared that I don't love her anymore or I'm just in denial. Alot of the time it feels like the feelings aren't there and I I even get uncomfortable at times whenever she tries to kiss me or anything. On the other hand whenever I imagine myself getting better and the feelings coming back and having a future together it seems like it's what I want. Sometimes, it's like I have urges to break up and get scared I'm better off like that, now I don't know what to do but I do know that I want to just get better and stay with her. I just want to know if anyone here feels like this or maybe gets these urges and gets uncomfortable with there partner. Again, please no triggering comments. I would really appreciate it.

Do you ever like have an urge to be like by yourself or make things go back to what they were? I get scared of that because I don't want to break up but I get very afraid that that's what I want.

@Anonymous All. The. Time. My brain craves the idea of being alone and “resting.” I can tell ya, my partner and I broke up for a day and I swear those feelings of “I’ll be better off by myself” completely vanished. They ghosted me. I missed my partner dearly and granted it was only a day and I’m sure we would’ve healed, something in me said this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I’m a serial introvert that loves to be alone and has always processed things by herself better. Being in a relationship has exposed the hell out of those tendencies and my choice to stay has aggravated those old habits. Unfortunately that makes for more anxiety but I’m still learning how to have my “alone moments” without actually going days or longer without talking to my partner and or breaking up. I’m always afraid of the notion “what if I secretly want this.” And the response to that is “maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.” Any ocd specialist will tell you that, that is the key to neutralizing the thoughts and fears and uncontrollable what if’s.

Please don’t apologize. You are here with a purpose to heal like the rest of us. None of us has the answer, but I truly hope you can trust yourself enough to keep trying with your partner. Your introverted side is telling you to run because it thinks you aren’t safe with your partner. But guess what? You’re TRYING something totally new for you. Stepping out of your comfort zone and being in a relationship that triggers your wounds and attachment style. It’s ok to be an introvert and be in a relationship. It’s natural and it’s healthy to want to have alone time. You got this. I will say it again. YOU. GOT. THIS.