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- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this with me! I’m new to NOCD and have never had a community that actually lives with this! This particular subtype (HOCD) has probably been the hardest I’ve ever dealt with because sexuality and fluidity and everything else! As a mother of two young kids and a wonderful husband, I’ve had everything from ROCD, POCD, Harm, the list goes on 😜. Just nice to know that someone can relate. I’m currently dealing with future thinking that this will happen to me and it’s really making me spiral.
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- 3y
Don’t spiral! You chose to marry your husband and have kids with him because you genuinely love him! Don’t let this disease control your narrative!
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- 3y
Yes I have. There was one I read last year and the woman had struggled with intimacy with men (something i struggle with) and that’s when she realized she was gay. We have to remember though that those stories aren’t our stories and just because we have smilair experiences, that doesn’t mean we will have similar outcomes
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- 3y
This is a big trigger for me too! I am married with a little girl and an amazing husband too. I have noticed when themes like this come up it’s because I have an over active imagination (thanks OCD) in an extremely safe environment (safe relationship.) I still struggle with ROCD so much but this is one of my longer lasting HOCD triggers.
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- 3y
I would just like to watch Euphoria without a trigger.. it’s a good show dang it!
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- 3y
@Ope Me too!!! Keep watching it—good ERP!
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- 3y
Euphoria is a huge trigger for me too! I was always very hesitant about sex just because I have a fear of rejection and performance anxiety after my ex said some things to me, but now I literally have like no libido. But I also worry about the masculine women. I was better for a while and now I’m having a bad back door spike but when I was better, it was so much better!
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- 3y
Oddly, it’s nice to know my brain isn’t the only brain that can react to something like this.
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- 3y
Thank you so much. ❤️
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- 3y
Honestly it’s just nice to hear that someone else is in the same situation sometimes. You got this.
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- 3y
Thank you for sharing! I still can’t get over how amazing everyone is! My OCD usually gets bad when there are environmental factors I can’t control. Do either of you experience that? My Dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, my husband has been dealing with depression and my son (10M) tested positive for COVID last week. I think it was the icing on a very large cake. Naturally, my OCD always says it’s not OCD. It doesn’t help that with kids, years of being married, low libido, etc., that my sex drive us low. I don’t always desire and that of course sends the intrusive thoughts into another spiral. I’m so proud of all of us for tackling this head on! WE GOT THIS!
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- 3y
Yes Im a married female as well and this has cause low libido and I also worry if im attracted to masculine women? Do you worry with masculine women
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- 3y
@Tan??? That’s not been my experience, but OCD twists every thing imaginable!
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- 3y
Yep low libido and constantly questioning if I was ever sexually attracted to my husband. I feel you guys.
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- 3y
I feel like I’ve found my people and that gives me strength to be strong and remember we got this! ❤️
Related posts
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- 17w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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- 13w
I watched the trailer for the movie “Am I Ok?” and got completely triggered. Basically a 32 yo woman discovers she’s a lesbian seemingly out of nowhere. I was triggers and did some research (bad idea) and apparently some people who are gay have never had romantic or sexual interest in people of the same sex until one spontaneous moment of discovery. Now I’m worried that this could be me!! I’ve never had a long term relationship, have had crushes and fantasies but back out when things get too close for me. I do prefer my little fantasy world guy but now I’m wondering if maybe I missed something and am in denial, even if I didn’t know it.
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- 12w
As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻
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