It doesn’t feel like ROCD anymore. I feel so apathetic and depressed. I’m not anxious or obsessing so much and I feel like I’ve only lasted this long in the relationship because I wanted to love him. But typing that, a little voice deep inside said “but you do love him”. I just want my boyfriend to have the happiest, most fulfilling and loving life he could have. He deserves all the world and I feel like I can’t give him that because of my ROCD. He should have someone who doesn’t constantly doubt and isn’t constantly depressed. I worry I’m wasting his life and it breaks my heart. I cry most days and it’s frustrating because I can’t afford therapy. Even then, I believe ERP won’t work because I don’t feel anxious anymore and I’ve become convinced that the ROCD was right all along. Was it even ROCD at all but just denial? I just want to experience love without all this doubt and hurt.