Ugh, my sensory OCD gets triggered whenever I have a fight with my husband and we are in a phase where we’ve been fighting lately due to stress and business at work plus doing a lot of work on our home. So now I’m focused in on every time I swallow again, convinced it will never go back to normal.

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

I have intrusive thoughts all the time. I married the wrong woman, she’s not right for me, I don’t feel right with her, I’m going to fail at work, I’m going to lose my job, what if I can’t sleep at night, I can’t sleep at night, what if my surgery doesn’t work, what will people think of me, I’m a failure, I let people down, I’m a horrible father, my son hates me, do I or don’t I drink coffee, what if I eat the wrong foods, there’s something wrong with me physically all the time, etc, etc, etc. It’s extremely annoying and exhausting. I just can’t wait to go to bed at night and try to fall asleep to shut off my brain.

I have an ocd over food. I can not feel full if i don't have the last grains of rice and I should count. Before, I got a real bad stomach ache and nausea so I should eat on track. But one of my weirdness appears as time goes on that thing I mentioned and how I have to wait until certain time to swallow and digest the food. It's as if I keep myself for not reccuring anymore. It's so strange, if I don't follow it I would get sleepy and can not concentrate. It's like time really matters to me. And my head becomes weird if I don't listen to it. I wanna fight it but I think I can't. There are times even when I got staggered and wanna fall. Anyone here fighting over food ocd and signals in your head?