- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Your comment of "he deserves someone who truly loves him" really struck me, that same thought spins around in my head a lot and I hadn't been able to properly put into words what it was so thank you! If possible, talk to a therapist and see if they diagnose you with ocd. While getting a diagnosis didn't take away the thoughts and the pain, it at least then gave me a plan of action. The biggest thing then that helps me is to respond to my thoughts with uncertainty "maybe I do want to break up maybe it dont". This is hard and feels unsafe in the moment but it stops the compulsion/rumination cycle which is what leads to the really anxious feelings. Above all, take time for yourself to rest and relax. Anxiety takes up a lot of energy, and if you don't take care of your basic needs, everything will feel way worse. Also this week's episode of the OCD stories podcast is all about rOCD, so could be hopeful to listen to that 😊 Good luck!
- Date posted
- 3y
this is so helpful, I love saying “maybe __ maybe ___” and then you place your thoughts sort of on the side once they’re recognized.
- Date posted
- 3y
I have been going through the exact same thing over the past few months. It feels like I am incapable of enjoying anything in my life. We have been together for over years and I am looking back over all of that time convinced that I have never been with him for the right reasons. I am convinced that he stays with me because he doesn’t know how to break it off. There have been countless occasions where I have been beyond selfish and unreasonable. I feel like I am in a constant state of inner turmoil. Whenever he gets angry or even slightly annoyed with me, I fall apart. It is so upsetting and draining. Hopefully, knowing that you are not alone in this gives you at least some confort. I feel kind of isolated right now. I don’t have a lot of friends. Just hang in there. That is what I am trying to do.
- Date posted
- 3y
thank you so much it really does bring some comfort. we’ve been friends for years and we’ve had situations where we’ve gotten close to being in a relationship but I’d always be the one to back out but now that we’re actually in a relationship, my brain is trying to convince me that I should back out again because I truly don’t have feelings for him, even though I do and I know the only reason i think about backing out is because I want to stop feeling like this. I hope we both make progress in this tough time
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m gunna be honest.. I thought this was my post because everything you said at the start I resonated with haha.. but remember, you are NOT you’re thoughts. This is going to be more generic .. I’ve been with my bf for 2 years, and slight TW for anyone, but I’m obsessed with this idea that I have to know/feel love 24/7…. In relationships, you feel many things. but I totally understand what you mean, these thoughts take away all your enjoyment.
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate to this so much. I have unrealistic expectations of love and it has distorted my way of thinking. My OCD has caused me to think that I’m not in the right relationship bc it’s not perfect all the time. Total bs and i try to remember that but sometimes it can be really hard.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
Hi everyone. I’m really struggling and I need to let it all out. I’ve been dealing with ROCD (or what I think is ROCD) for a long time, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’m in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who is kind, understanding, and patient. But ever since I started reading a lot online, googling symptoms, talking to AI like ChatGPT, searching for reassurance, things have gotten worse and worse. And now… I feel completely disconnected from my feelings. I don’t know what’s real anymore. My boyfriend told me that he believes I’ve convinced myself that I have something that needs to be treated, and that all this constant researching is making me feel worse. And honestly, I think he’s right. Before I fell into this cycle, I could be more intimate with him. I used to say “I love you,” I used to feel warmth. Now I don’t say it anymore. I haven’t in a long time. And it hurts him. And I know I’m hurting him, and that makes it even worse. He also said that maybe I’m having these obsessive thoughts because I don’t have a daily purpose, that I need to get occupied, to stop being consumed by this. And others in my life have told me the same. He even suggested taking a break from each other for a week, just to give me space. But I’m terrified of that. I’m scared that the thing I fear most will become “the truth.” I’m scared I’ll feel relief, and that will mean everything I fear is real. But he told me that if I don’t want the break, maybe it means I still care. Still love. Still want this. The problem is, I don’t know anymore. And that’s what’s killing me. I’ve also had a psychologist who told me that just because I feel guilt or “care,” it doesn’t necessarily mean I like him — and that sent me spiraling. She said that maybe I care about people in general, but it doesn’t mean I love him. And it made me feel like I’m just lying to myself. That maybe I’m holding on out of obligation, or because I set in my head that I “have to be with him.” And even when he tells me beautiful things — logical things — things that SHOULD make me feel safe and seen… I don’t feel better. I just feel more empty. And then I start spiraling again: “If this doesn’t help me feel better, then something must be wrong.” “What if I’m just pretending?” “What if I’ve been lying to myself all along?” I feel like there’s something wrong inside of me. Like no matter what anyone says, or how much love I’m given, I can’t feel it. I just want to know what to do. I want someone to tell me what this is. I want to stop feeling like I’m running after a version of myself that used to feel, used to love, used to be calm. I don’t know if this is ROCD or if I’m just slowly facing a truth I’ve been afraid to accept. Please, if anyone has felt this way, I need to hear that I’m not alone. And if you’ve come out the other side… how? My relationship is perfect and he is perfect, i just deal with this and i am far from happy.
- Date posted
- 14w
for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.
- Date posted
- 14w
I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.
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