- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Your comment of "he deserves someone who truly loves him" really struck me, that same thought spins around in my head a lot and I hadn't been able to properly put into words what it was so thank you! If possible, talk to a therapist and see if they diagnose you with ocd. While getting a diagnosis didn't take away the thoughts and the pain, it at least then gave me a plan of action. The biggest thing then that helps me is to respond to my thoughts with uncertainty "maybe I do want to break up maybe it dont". This is hard and feels unsafe in the moment but it stops the compulsion/rumination cycle which is what leads to the really anxious feelings. Above all, take time for yourself to rest and relax. Anxiety takes up a lot of energy, and if you don't take care of your basic needs, everything will feel way worse. Also this week's episode of the OCD stories podcast is all about rOCD, so could be hopeful to listen to that 😊 Good luck!
- Date posted
- 3y
this is so helpful, I love saying “maybe __ maybe ___” and then you place your thoughts sort of on the side once they’re recognized.
- Date posted
- 3y
I have been going through the exact same thing over the past few months. It feels like I am incapable of enjoying anything in my life. We have been together for over years and I am looking back over all of that time convinced that I have never been with him for the right reasons. I am convinced that he stays with me because he doesn’t know how to break it off. There have been countless occasions where I have been beyond selfish and unreasonable. I feel like I am in a constant state of inner turmoil. Whenever he gets angry or even slightly annoyed with me, I fall apart. It is so upsetting and draining. Hopefully, knowing that you are not alone in this gives you at least some confort. I feel kind of isolated right now. I don’t have a lot of friends. Just hang in there. That is what I am trying to do.
- Date posted
- 3y
thank you so much it really does bring some comfort. we’ve been friends for years and we’ve had situations where we’ve gotten close to being in a relationship but I’d always be the one to back out but now that we’re actually in a relationship, my brain is trying to convince me that I should back out again because I truly don’t have feelings for him, even though I do and I know the only reason i think about backing out is because I want to stop feeling like this. I hope we both make progress in this tough time
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m gunna be honest.. I thought this was my post because everything you said at the start I resonated with haha.. but remember, you are NOT you’re thoughts. This is going to be more generic .. I’ve been with my bf for 2 years, and slight TW for anyone, but I’m obsessed with this idea that I have to know/feel love 24/7…. In relationships, you feel many things. but I totally understand what you mean, these thoughts take away all your enjoyment.
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate to this so much. I have unrealistic expectations of love and it has distorted my way of thinking. My OCD has caused me to think that I’m not in the right relationship bc it’s not perfect all the time. Total bs and i try to remember that but sometimes it can be really hard.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 12w
Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth
- Date posted
- 6w
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
- Date posted
- 5w
Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.
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