so i dont really know where to start this off other than saying I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but it’s the only label I can associate with. For the past two weeks I’ve felt extremely anxious and keep thinking “What if I’m using my boyfriend?” Or “what if I just see him as a friend and not my boyfriend?” Or “he deserves someone who truly loves him” even though I know deep down I love him. we’ve been dating for a month and these thoughts just started occurring two weeks ago and it pushed me into a mental drought where I couldn’t eat, focus, and I lost the motivation to do a lot. it’ll get so bad where I just wish I was back to my normal happy self but then my brain questions whether I was ever truly happy or just lying. I feel like a terrible girlfriend and Ive communicated to him that I haven’t been feeling the best mentally and I’ve reminded him that if he ever wanted to end things, he has every right to but when I tell him those things, my brain immediately says that I’m just saying those things so he can break up with me so I don’t have to feel guilty about breaking up with him. But I don’t want to break up with him. I don’t know what to do anymore and it all feels so hopeless

Your comment of "he deserves someone who truly loves him" really struck me, that same thought spins around in my head a lot and I hadn't been able to properly put into words what it was so thank you! If possible, talk to a therapist and see if they diagnose you with ocd. While getting a diagnosis didn't take away the thoughts and the pain, it at least then gave me a plan of action. The biggest thing then that helps me is to respond to my thoughts with uncertainty "maybe I do want to break up maybe it dont". This is hard and feels unsafe in the moment but it stops the compulsion/rumination cycle which is what leads to the really anxious feelings. Above all, take time for yourself to rest and relax. Anxiety takes up a lot of energy, and if you don't take care of your basic needs, everything will feel way worse. Also this week's episode of the OCD stories podcast is all about rOCD, so could be hopeful to listen to that 😊 Good luck!

I have been going through the exact same thing over the past few months. It feels like I am incapable of enjoying anything in my life. We have been together for over years and I am looking back over all of that time convinced that I have never been with him for the right reasons. I am convinced that he stays with me because he doesn’t know how to break it off. There have been countless occasions where I have been beyond selfish and unreasonable. I feel like I am in a constant state of inner turmoil. Whenever he gets angry or even slightly annoyed with me, I fall apart. It is so upsetting and draining. Hopefully, knowing that you are not alone in this gives you at least some confort. I feel kind of isolated right now. I don’t have a lot of friends. Just hang in there. That is what I am trying to do.

I’m gunna be honest.. I thought this was my post because everything you said at the start I resonated with haha.. but remember, you are NOT you’re thoughts. This is going to be more generic .. I’ve been with my bf for 2 years, and slight TW for anyone, but I’m obsessed with this idea that I have to know/feel love 24/7…. In relationships, you feel many things. but I totally understand what you mean, these thoughts take away all your enjoyment.