I really need someone to talk to… just to vent… if not.. i just need get this out and everything can ignore if they want.… I don’t know what to do… I know I’ve been severely obsessing for 2 year about if I truly love my partner or not for 2 years… I am severely saddened about how I feel right now…. Before I knew I wanted to love him and stay.. it felt genuine like I was really mentally sick… but now… my partner looks like a stranger to me, I get annoyed at him easily even if he’s just sitting still… it’s like he’s a different person to me and I hate it… I wanted so badly for me to know if I love him or not… and it’s like our time together never happened… I don’t cuddle talk or do much of anything anymore with him and it bothers me… I feel no emotional connection with him… maybe his flaws are too much for me… 😢😢 I don’t know…. I want to love him again like before but I completely feel like I’m lying to him and myself… I don’t wanna end my relationship I really don’t want to… I do t know how badly ROCD can get but… this is the worst I’ve ever had… my relationship is gonna die… 😢 I’m sitting here quietly crying while he is asleep….

i relate to this so much. i still struggle with trying to feel love or try to not think of him as a stranger because i get so numb. it’s normal i promise it gets better! i haven’t told my partner either because it’s hard and i haven’t been ready. i use to cry all night while he was sleeping and i would just constantly feel scared or guilty.

for me ignoring it makes it worse for a bit but it does get better. ocd gets desperate when u ignore it and just fires intrusive or unwanted thoughts to try and get u back in the cycle. from reading this u clearly love him your ocd is just trying to take control right now! luckily there’s a lot of people here who have had to go though the same thing and we all aren’t alone.

Oh hunny you don’t have to end the relationship you should try to fill him in on what’s going on. I’m sure he can feel the change . Is he an understanding partner?

I’m just so tired… mentally and physically

I see . You have been with your partner a long time . You know you love him and you don’t want the relationship to end . These thoughts truly are just thoughts and reacting to them make them feel real. The trick is not reacting to these thoughts or trying to push them away . They are just thoughts. Sitting with your thoughts and feelings does work but only if you are not trying to fight it. It takes time and practice but you will be ok. Try to seek out additional support don’t deal with this alone . You don’t have to suffer .

The fact that you feel so awful and want to love him the way you did before and don’t want to leave means that you do love him the same as you did but this disorder makes you paranoid and question everything about even your very exsistence. It is just ocd. I’ve went through severe Rocd before and was terrified I know it seems simpler to deal with it alone but you should tell him and it’s scary But if they know who you are and take into account all your time and everything you’ve been through they will understand. It’s not you it’s you brain. Ocd attacks the things we care about the most and unfortunately uncertainty is part of it. You have to disregard and tell yourself even if it’s a 100 times a day no im fine I love him and that’s all I need to go on because it is just this disorder trying to take away the most important things to you. It feels real it feels uncomfortable it feels like everything is falling apart and that’s all a symptom. You are not alone and I hope you hang in there!

sorry one more thing is there will be moments where ur in full anxiety mode then there’s moments where u feel normal or numb but u get upset with ur partner or still don’t feel love. it’s completely normal and apart of the healing process. ur ocd will try to convince u of anything to take away what u love and it wears many different disguises. sorry for another comment i just related to this a lot and wanted to help as much as i can because i know this pain of feeling mentally and physically exausted

Exactly!! It’s not about suppressing the thoughts either it’s about kind of calling it’s bluff like okay that thought or feeling is there I accept it because it’s a part of my disorder but it means nothing about me or my actual feelings or morals it’s just a symptom. And going from there the more you ignore or disregard the smaller the big anxiety thoughts and feelings get it will feel very uncomfortable at first and some days are harder than other but ultimately those thoughts and feelings will get smaller and smaller. Ocd wants the power and certainty it’s a bully don’t give it to it you can say I’ll live with the uncertainty and stay with him I love him because I say I love him and go from there and eventually it will dissipate even though it never feels like it will. It will.

You gotta open up and talk to him . Are you seeking therapy??

I’m so numbed out I can’t feel anything

Like right now I don’t feel anymore symptoms and I feel too normal… 😞

Are you together all the time? Do you have hobbies, or a job?

Why when I say I want to it feels different?.. I know I can’t blame everything on ROCD…. But I had 3 clarity moments within this month… why couldn’t it stay… it just feels like my relationship is gonna end anytime now…. Like I feel neutral about the way I am feeling… it’s sad… I know I am gonna cry my eyes out if I did just break up with him… I know I do have other mental issues to deal with… ROCD isn’t the only thing I need to deal with… I have separation anxiety diagnosed by a therapist… I obsess about never doing or being enough.. I obsess over the tiniest sounds my car makes believing that my car will break down soon… I can’t handle stress normally… My partner has always been with me throughout the most stressful times in my life.. I don’t wanna see him leave bc my life wouldn’t be the same if he left… also being just friends wouldn’t be enough for me.. I just want to love him and know it with constantly questioning it over and over again…