- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
i relate to this so much. i still struggle with trying to feel love or try to not think of him as a stranger because i get so numb. it’s normal i promise it gets better! i haven’t told my partner either because it’s hard and i haven’t been ready. i use to cry all night while he was sleeping and i would just constantly feel scared or guilty.
- Date posted
- 3y
for me ignoring it makes it worse for a bit but it does get better. ocd gets desperate when u ignore it and just fires intrusive or unwanted thoughts to try and get u back in the cycle. from reading this u clearly love him your ocd is just trying to take control right now! luckily there’s a lot of people here who have had to go though the same thing and we all aren’t alone.
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh hunny you don’t have to end the relationship you should try to fill him in on what’s going on. I’m sure he can feel the change . Is he an understanding partner?
- Date posted
- 3y
He wants to know what’s wrong asking if I’m okay all the time but I try to avoid telling him and just try to deal with on my own.. it’s becoming too much now… I’ve never felt this way for him in the whole 11 1/2 years of being together…. I try to sit with the feeling and ignore it but that made it worse….. right I believe I don’t love him but it hurts so much bc I don’t want this to be true…😢😢😢😭😭
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m just so tired… mentally and physically
- Date posted
- 3y
I see . You have been with your partner a long time . You know you love him and you don’t want the relationship to end . These thoughts truly are just thoughts and reacting to them make them feel real. The trick is not reacting to these thoughts or trying to push them away . They are just thoughts. Sitting with your thoughts and feelings does work but only if you are not trying to fight it. It takes time and practice but you will be ok. Try to seek out additional support don’t deal with this alone . You don’t have to suffer .
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
The fact that you feel so awful and want to love him the way you did before and don’t want to leave means that you do love him the same as you did but this disorder makes you paranoid and question everything about even your very exsistence. It is just ocd. I’ve went through severe Rocd before and was terrified I know it seems simpler to deal with it alone but you should tell him and it’s scary But if they know who you are and take into account all your time and everything you’ve been through they will understand. It’s not you it’s you brain. Ocd attacks the things we care about the most and unfortunately uncertainty is part of it. You have to disregard and tell yourself even if it’s a 100 times a day no im fine I love him and that’s all I need to go on because it is just this disorder trying to take away the most important things to you. It feels real it feels uncomfortable it feels like everything is falling apart and that’s all a symptom. You are not alone and I hope you hang in there!
- Date posted
- 3y
sorry one more thing is there will be moments where ur in full anxiety mode then there’s moments where u feel normal or numb but u get upset with ur partner or still don’t feel love. it’s completely normal and apart of the healing process. ur ocd will try to convince u of anything to take away what u love and it wears many different disguises. sorry for another comment i just related to this a lot and wanted to help as much as i can because i know this pain of feeling mentally and physically exausted
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Exactly!! It’s not about suppressing the thoughts either it’s about kind of calling it’s bluff like okay that thought or feeling is there I accept it because it’s a part of my disorder but it means nothing about me or my actual feelings or morals it’s just a symptom. And going from there the more you ignore or disregard the smaller the big anxiety thoughts and feelings get it will feel very uncomfortable at first and some days are harder than other but ultimately those thoughts and feelings will get smaller and smaller. Ocd wants the power and certainty it’s a bully don’t give it to it you can say I’ll live with the uncertainty and stay with him I love him because I say I love him and go from there and eventually it will dissipate even though it never feels like it will. It will.
- Date posted
- 3y
You gotta open up and talk to him . Are you seeking therapy??
- Date posted
- 3y
Never got therapy…😞 I don’t wNna end my relationship
- Date posted
- 3y
@7710 ❤️ The fact that you don’t WANT to end your relationship should tell you something.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m so numbed out I can’t feel anything
- Date posted
- 3y
Like right now I don’t feel anymore symptoms and I feel too normal… 😞
- Date posted
- 3y
Are you together all the time? Do you have hobbies, or a job?
- Date posted
- 3y
Why when I say I want to it feels different?.. I know I can’t blame everything on ROCD…. But I had 3 clarity moments within this month… why couldn’t it stay… it just feels like my relationship is gonna end anytime now…. Like I feel neutral about the way I am feeling… it’s sad… I know I am gonna cry my eyes out if I did just break up with him… I know I do have other mental issues to deal with… ROCD isn’t the only thing I need to deal with… I have separation anxiety diagnosed by a therapist… I obsess about never doing or being enough.. I obsess over the tiniest sounds my car makes believing that my car will break down soon… I can’t handle stress normally… My partner has always been with me throughout the most stressful times in my life.. I don’t wanna see him leave bc my life wouldn’t be the same if he left… also being just friends wouldn’t be enough for me.. I just want to love him and know it with constantly questioning it over and over again…
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me
- Date posted
- 9w
I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.
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