- Username
- 7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y ago
i relate to this so much. i still struggle with trying to feel love or try to not think of him as a stranger because i get so numb. it’s normal i promise it gets better! i haven’t told my partner either because it’s hard and i haven’t been ready. i use to cry all night while he was sleeping and i would just constantly feel scared or guilty.
for me ignoring it makes it worse for a bit but it does get better. ocd gets desperate when u ignore it and just fires intrusive or unwanted thoughts to try and get u back in the cycle. from reading this u clearly love him your ocd is just trying to take control right now! luckily there’s a lot of people here who have had to go though the same thing and we all aren’t alone.
Oh hunny you don’t have to end the relationship you should try to fill him in on what’s going on. I’m sure he can feel the change . Is he an understanding partner?
He wants to know what’s wrong asking if I’m okay all the time but I try to avoid telling him and just try to deal with on my own.. it’s becoming too much now… I’ve never felt this way for him in the whole 11 1/2 years of being together…. I try to sit with the feeling and ignore it but that made it worse….. right I believe I don’t love him but it hurts so much bc I don’t want this to be true…😢😢😢😭😭
I’m just so tired… mentally and physically
I see . You have been with your partner a long time . You know you love him and you don’t want the relationship to end . These thoughts truly are just thoughts and reacting to them make them feel real. The trick is not reacting to these thoughts or trying to push them away . They are just thoughts. Sitting with your thoughts and feelings does work but only if you are not trying to fight it. It takes time and practice but you will be ok. Try to seek out additional support don’t deal with this alone . You don’t have to suffer .
The fact that you feel so awful and want to love him the way you did before and don’t want to leave means that you do love him the same as you did but this disorder makes you paranoid and question everything about even your very exsistence. It is just ocd. I’ve went through severe Rocd before and was terrified I know it seems simpler to deal with it alone but you should tell him and it’s scary But if they know who you are and take into account all your time and everything you’ve been through they will understand. It’s not you it’s you brain. Ocd attacks the things we care about the most and unfortunately uncertainty is part of it. You have to disregard and tell yourself even if it’s a 100 times a day no im fine I love him and that’s all I need to go on because it is just this disorder trying to take away the most important things to you. It feels real it feels uncomfortable it feels like everything is falling apart and that’s all a symptom. You are not alone and I hope you hang in there!
sorry one more thing is there will be moments where ur in full anxiety mode then there’s moments where u feel normal or numb but u get upset with ur partner or still don’t feel love. it’s completely normal and apart of the healing process. ur ocd will try to convince u of anything to take away what u love and it wears many different disguises. sorry for another comment i just related to this a lot and wanted to help as much as i can because i know this pain of feeling mentally and physically exausted
Exactly!! It’s not about suppressing the thoughts either it’s about kind of calling it’s bluff like okay that thought or feeling is there I accept it because it’s a part of my disorder but it means nothing about me or my actual feelings or morals it’s just a symptom. And going from there the more you ignore or disregard the smaller the big anxiety thoughts and feelings get it will feel very uncomfortable at first and some days are harder than other but ultimately those thoughts and feelings will get smaller and smaller. Ocd wants the power and certainty it’s a bully don’t give it to it you can say I’ll live with the uncertainty and stay with him I love him because I say I love him and go from there and eventually it will dissipate even though it never feels like it will. It will.
You gotta open up and talk to him . Are you seeking therapy??
Never got therapy…😞 I don’t wNna end my relationship
@7710 ❤️ The fact that you don’t WANT to end your relationship should tell you something.
I’m so numbed out I can’t feel anything
Like right now I don’t feel anymore symptoms and I feel too normal… 😞
Are you together all the time? Do you have hobbies, or a job?
Why when I say I want to it feels different?.. I know I can’t blame everything on ROCD…. But I had 3 clarity moments within this month… why couldn’t it stay… it just feels like my relationship is gonna end anytime now…. Like I feel neutral about the way I am feeling… it’s sad… I know I am gonna cry my eyes out if I did just break up with him… I know I do have other mental issues to deal with… ROCD isn’t the only thing I need to deal with… I have separation anxiety diagnosed by a therapist… I obsess about never doing or being enough.. I obsess over the tiniest sounds my car makes believing that my car will break down soon… I can’t handle stress normally… My partner has always been with me throughout the most stressful times in my life.. I don’t wanna see him leave bc my life wouldn’t be the same if he left… also being just friends wouldn’t be enough for me.. I just want to love him and know it with constantly questioning it over and over again…
I no longer get reactions to testing my feelings… Right now I am just sitting here thinking have I ever been truly happy with him? Do I actually just wanna break up?… I am sitting here believing I don’t love him romantically anymore thinking I am only with him to avoid hurting him… that deep down I know I don’t love him anymore… that I don’t wanna admit it.. that’s all I am thinking about… I am worried I don’t love him enough to move forward with him… 💔😢 I love him a lot I really do and just sitting with theses feelings are difficult enough. It’s affecting my work performance since I always walk off and hide. To read about ROCD. I even had my hours cut short so I don’t have to be there long like this. But I think I just hate my job to be honest… it’s burning me out… so I think I need a new one… I just don’t know what to do… I don’t wanna break up with him but then this thought comes in and makes me think I am with him for the wrong reasons. Can’t have sex as much as I would want to bc then I think I am not attracted to him enough… I still touch him but then I stop… My 12 year relationship is gonna die… how can I sit here and let this feeling pass…
I don’t think I have ROCD anymore.. I believe I have fallen out of love with my partner… 💔 I still do compulsions and try to test myself but it doesn’t work anymore. I think about my happy moments and cry bc I want that to be the true me… I am just at this point convinced I don’t love him the same way anymore.. that ROCD just tricked me… I don’t feel numb but I am unhappy.. I cry randomly but not as much. I just… believe in am with him to avoid hurting him.. I’m just worried I don’t wanna admit it.. 😞 Can ROCD do this? Or can a relationship be saved even if I fell out of love!? I just know I am mentally exhausted. I even wanted to say I love you to him but didn’t bc of how bad this is… felt that I had no right…
I just want to love him!!! It’s not fair!! Everytime I talk to him I wanna break up… I can’t tell if ROCD is there anymore… please… I want this urge to go away!!! 😭 What if breaking up is the only way… to know. I don’t wanna break up with him. Did anyone on here 100% believed they lost feelings bc of obsessing? 😢💔
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond