- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
like literally that feeling of "i'd rather k*ll myself than ever harm a child" and that still doesnt make you convinced, the fact that you get nauseous and you seriously start to want to die, and it still not convincing to you and the fact that there are so many ignorant bastards on the internet talking about "pocd is just pedos feeling guilty" literally makes me wanna blow something up it makes me livid to my core.
- Date posted
- 6y
I used to be super cool with kids and not give a shit about being around them at all like i would always just try to entertain them or be like the cool teenage figure. until one day my grandma made me take a cousin of mine out on a walk. I did. literally everything was fine until a skinhead started threatening me because i was "turning him into a f*g" (i wore all black clothes at the time and had black dyed slicked back hair i mean it was obvious that i wasnt straight). Thankfully he didnt do anything besides threaten and interrogate me but that incident left me so fucking scarred out of my mind that i started questioning if i really was weird around kids. Cut to this culminating in my self diagnosed pure ocd 3 weeks ago and now i literally feel like fucking dying. This is horrifying, but youre not alone. I wish i could go back to the times where i felt normal.
- Date posted
- 6y
you need an ocd specialist and you need to watch out for false positives. literally trying to do exposure response prevention on your own could literally end with you landing on a false positive and thinking about ending it all.
- Date posted
- 6y
yeah its awful i just told my cousin to go to the living room cuz it was triggering my ocd. its fucked up and i really hope it gets better for us.
- Date posted
- 6y
for me its fucked up because its like i love my cousin so much and she and i are very close and i dont want her seeing me like this or feeling like she'd done something to me to make me constantly drive her away and its SO HARD because literally her presence is making me uncomfortable. Back then i literally wouldnt give two shits if she was in the same room as me i'd just be cool with it. also its so fucked up how i force myself to still hug her or pet her on the head and it doesnt make me feel anything i shouldnt be feeling yet my ocd goes "ew you weirdo stop doing that" like its literally driving me insane and i cannot WAIT to get the help i need.
- Date posted
- 6y
Lol honestly you sound like a lovely person. Those kids that said nasty stuff to you probably didn't actually think it, they just said it to put you down. Bullies do that. You probably don't look like anything
- Date posted
- 6y
it wasnt a kid it was a homophobic grown man with a shaved head. and at this point i think settling with the fact that i would never harm anyone ever might be the most effective way to treat my ocd. its really sad because when this was first happening to me i needed 100 percent reassurance or else i would threaten to end my life but now i just have to take a deep breathe and move on.
- Date posted
- 6y
russian/russophile bigotry is rooted in the belief that anything lgbt is somehow connected to pedophillia. My first acknowledgement of gay people was my grandma telling me gay men were perverted cross dresser gender-freaks who would abduct kids and do horrible things to them. I was horrified. then i saw how lgbt people really are and that fear went away. Then as i was still in the closet i asked my mom what she thought about homosexuality (my moms russian btw) and she went on this whole rant about how she could never accept pedophiles and that in her countries culture its unacceptable. that made me very angry obviously. cut to that skinhead threatening me when i explained to my brother what happened (my brothers a fucking douche btw) he just said "well you were kind of baiting that kid werent you". This made me so fucking pissed. the whole entire problem was that this kid who was my third cousin was an extremely effeminate boy and instead of being a dick and emasculating him and telling him to "man up" i just acknowledged it and told him from my experience as a gay person what to do to avoid getting into dangerous situations (stuff like who to confide to who to be yourself around, etc.). what i DID NOT do was tell him he was secretly gay and/or closeted (thats for him to find out) and what i also didnt do was "bait" him. That is sick to me. People are very judgemental and ignorant and this is why my whole POCD scare happened. I am not a pedophile. I am fucking mad that child abuse has constantly been insinuated when talking about my identity as a queer person. You cannot tell a victim of child abuse and someone who gets ptsd flashes from seeing any child get harmed that they are secretly a sexual deviant. That is possibly one of the most disrespectful things you could ever do. Point blank period.
- Date posted
- 6y
i mean for some reason speaking about it on here has made me feel more comfortable. at least theres that
- Date posted
- 6y
thats what you need to hold on too the most. That little insight that you arent like this. that this isnt like you.
- Date posted
- 6y
I am worried too if I seem too nevrous
- Date posted
- 6y
It's so awful. I'm so glad I'm not alone but I feel sorry for you too. I use to be fine too! I use to tell them stories, everyone use to say I'm so good with kids. Now I avoid them like the plague. It's life ruining cause if I tell anyone I'm worried people will think I'm a pedo, they'll think I actually am when I'm 100% not I wouldn't dream of harming a child.
- Date posted
- 6y
When my little sister was born, I use to get worried I was changing her nappy wrong when I was only 8. I use to ask for reasurance that I was doing it right all the time. I was only a child myself! I knew I wasn't a pedo but was worried I was accidentally changing her wrong. Then I just started worrying that everyone will think I'm a pedo from the age of like 15, and I'm 20 now. It's been hell.
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh god I didn't even know people are saying that. That is horrible. People would hate to worry about this shit I definitely don't have sexual attraction towards children. These worries that everyone will think I am has seriously made me question if I am cause I worry that other people think I am so much. I'm like why the fuck am I worrying about this so much. I've thought about how I want a child one day but I'd be so worried that everyone would think I'm a pedo so now I don't want to. I also think about how I'd so be a good mum if all the people didn't exist because I'd never worry what people think. And I know the child would know I'm not. But I guess I'm never ganna want a child if this ocd doesn't go away
- Date posted
- 6y
I'd be too worried to tell my ocd therapist about this. And I'd never want to stay in a park on my own I'd probably kill myself straight after over thinking what all the mum's in the park would think of me. I've had so many suicidal thoughts over this.
- Date posted
- 6y
I hope so. Thing is my little sister knows I'm not. She adores me. I think to myself everyone knows I wasn't a pedo to her, so what makes me think they'd think I'm a pedo now.
- Date posted
- 6y
I am worried about the same many times
- Date posted
- 6y
I afraid of being humiliated from this scenario
- Date posted
- 6y
If this is going to be unveiled
- Date posted
- 6y
Mm. I don't know how I'd still cope if I lived with my little sister. I'd constantly worry that people would think I'm a pedo even tho it's so obvious I'm not cause she adores me.
- Date posted
- 6y
I'd get so worried if someone said to me why you acting all nervous around my children. I'd probably go bright red.
- Date posted
- 6y
Well he was a prick, just because you look gay doesn't make you a weirdo. Gay people don't look like pedos they just look like gay people. People are so stupid
- Date posted
- 6y
Sounds to me that your family trigger you. Because of their beliefs that all gay people are pedos or what have you. Poor you. At least noone thinks that where I come from. I don't even know what triggered my thoughts.
- Date posted
- 6y
At least your cousin knows you're not a weirdo. And you deep down know you're not too. At least we have ourselves.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Hi I just have a few questions! (Im 14 btw) Okay so basically I’m really worried I’ll become a pedo/I already am and I don’t know it yet. I’m also really scared if I SA someone, even tho I don’t want to and I’d never do something like that but I feel like this part of me is saying that I will and it’s really scaring me. I feel so alone and I’m so scared I’m a bad person on the inside and this isn’t ocd and I’m gonna unleash hell on this earth I’m so scared. I’ll get a thought like if I’m walking past someone random it will be like “What if you sa them?” And it scares me so bad I feel horrible for thinking that. Is this apart of it? I feel like I’m always fixated on the topic of sa to check if I would do something like that, I don’t know anymore I just feel like a bad person (btw I have not done anything like that to anyone!)
- Date posted
- 16w
𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞
- Date posted
- 16w
Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?
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