Sorry guys another post here but those who experience or have experienced depersonalisation, does it not make you feel like you are literally loosing yourself? I honestly considered admitting myself as it’s such a weird feeling that I’m not me and that I don’t belong anywhere, literally nothing feels normal but..I know I’ve over come it before. I will not let this thing ruin me or my life

@AceJ i really get where youre coming from! now, im not religious but the whole “is it all just primal stuff and genes” really hit me in the face, because im usually so happy with life and all about magic and purpose. if you didnt already know, its under the theme existential/philosophical ocd (and not the kind of philosophy you enjoy wondering about, this makes you anxious obviously). but what ive found is that derealisation and depersonalisation go hand in hand with existential ocd. its sucks so bad. the existential stuff just kind of drains all the character out of you and all of the meaning, purpose and your view of life away. i also used to be very secure in how i viewed things, and in a very positive and amazing way, basically i was just in love with life and myself (still am at the core tho), but the way ocd works is that it turns love and dreams of yours into fear and nightmares, and with existential ocd/religious ocd/suicidal ocd it usually takes away your character (especially if youre confident, have a strong personality/core and love yourself), your view on life or faith (especially if its a strong faith or a very positive view of life) and just again, it takes away your passion.

*Possible trigger warning with intrusive thoughts I’ve had. But I have some helpful things at the end.* I’ve been going through depersonalization rather recently, I just didn’t know there was a name for these kinds of thoughts. Maybe even at a very low level for the last couple years. I think it all started when I started doubting my faith (I’m Catholic). Compared to now, I was SO happy back when my faith was strong. Everything made sense to me. How the world worked, what I had to live for, why I was here, etc. But now that I’ve doubted and almost lost my faith, these are the things that consume my thoughts: If there’s no God, is everything I do just out some primal instincts? Is everything like our government, our economy, our culture, simply a social construct with no meaning whatsoever? What is even moral anymore? Am I the way I am just because of some set of programmed genes, and does this mean I have no soul or free will? I truly think secularism is kind of a plague on our society. It’s not secularism itself that’s the problem, and I’m not saying that everyone should adopt a religious doctrine. I think the problems are the attitudes and thoughts secularism brings about in society: selfishness, scientism, nihilism, and a whole host of other things that basically prevent people from seeing that there’s more to the world than just oneself. And I think that’s the problem with depersonalization and maybe even OCD in general. It makes us focus on ourselves to an irrational and unhealthy degree to the point where we start questioning everything. I know this is much easier said than done, but being in the moment is one of the best things to do. Focus on the air you breathe and how it smoothly goes in and out of your body. Focus on the warmth/cold around you. Focus on what it feels like to pet a dog or wash your hands. I think overcoming all of this is a matter of letting yourself live naturally and training yourself to not overthink. This Eckhart Tolle clip is a great help, as well as this article from PsychologyToday about how our anxiety is probably due to our Western way of thinking. Best of luck, I’m here with you. :) Eckhart Tolle: https://youtu.be/dTFDfR47dl4 PsychToday: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ritual-and-the-brain/201902/our-anxiety-is-rooted-in-the-american-way-over-analyzing

you all deserve happiness. fuck all these thoughts. theyre just bullshit your brain throws at you. theres so much shit for us all to enjoy and i can tell you for a FACT you can regain yourself because i gradually am.

I am just now coming out of an existential OCD about one year. Praying for you all, reach out if you need anything!

it does. it does so hard. i had felt like i lost my whole character. that i died right then and there. now i dont. because shitty thoughts that literally everyone has dont define me

You are not alone. You are still you. With these thoughts or without them.

I’ve never posted before but I have had ocd with existential/religious themes for nearly a year, and it has almost broken me. I can’t stop thinking about what happens when we die or why we exist at all or how we can ever find meaning or structure in life. I was/am religious and have previously gone through periods of doubt, but nothing compared to this. I think doubt can be a healthy part of faith. The problem is when you have ocd, you start doubting things you don’t want to doubt. In my case, it has led me into severe depression because i feel like I’ve lost my faith. I am desperate to feel like I can believe in God again and believe that there is something bigger than myself out there, but I can’t feel that. I can’t feel anything but deep, deep sadness and loss and emptiness. I want to believe in God, or Ultimate Reality, or whatever, but its hard to feel like you believe in anything when you are always questioning and compulsively trying to search for answers. There’s not really a purpose to this post, other than that this sucks and I understand what you are going through. I’ve had ocd for about 10 years and done ERP but this is the one theme that ERP has not helped. I did imaginal exposures and script writing with my ocd-specialist therapist, but it hasn’t really helped. If anyone has any suggestions for how to tackle this theme, please share them with me.

Hey everyone, I hope you are all ok! I’ve been dealing with existential OCD for some time now as well, and didn’t even know I had OCD until about a week ago (I was diagnosed with only anxiety before this). It’s nice to see others similar to me.

Super old post but I’ve been struggling with suicidal and existential ocd for a while now. Glad to know I’m not alone in this

it gets a little better! im not over my ocd completely, but it has drastically changed! and i know it can change even more and that the road back to myself is there! and it is for u too!

I don't even feel like I exist. Everything is foreign, even my face.

@ocd333 this is exactly how i feel too!! and i have suicidal ocd too which makes me soooo afraid of depression, so im always scared i may be, and the depersonalisation and existential ocd really just drains out all the fun, mystery and purpose out of my life, which fuels those obsessions. i totally miss beinh my true self

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I feel I’m getting more of a “me” feeling as the day had been getting on today and finally getting through this wirl wind of depersonalisation again. Let’s hope it’s not going to show it’s ugly face again any time soon

Thank you everyone for the answers. I need it

@ocd333 you put it into words!! ive had such a hard time explaininh to my friends and family that what i feel and the changes that im frustrated about arent natural changes (about a year ago when ocd hit me, a lot of big changes happened in my life), but rather the way that my mindset has shifted, and that every decision ive made since ocd hit me has not been a “me” kind of decision. every piece of clothing ive bought isnt right, every time ive spontaneously changed schools, every opinion ive voiced is just not me. its like someone else made these decisions. it feels like being homesick all of the time. you miss your old self and your old life. you’re not in your homebase, and you get sooo restless from trying so hard to come back home if you could call it that

me too! before ocd (and still i guess, just not quite the same right now) i really just liked myself a lot and was very comfortable in my own skin, and i was very proud of beinh myself. and now i obsess about if i ever was that way and shit, or if i was wrong and in denial about maybe hating myself or if my qualities were something that just happened because i was shaped that way and ugh. really is tied together with my existential ocd, where my brain drains all the magic and purpose out of me, so everything seems flat (and im so scared of it seeming this way because im scared of depression and ive never been a pessimist in any way!!). and yeah, the depersonalisation just sucks even more when i actually loved beinh myself, and now thats just poof gone. miss myself :(((

Babs, I’m still struggling with this, although maybe it’s a bit better. I realized that many of my compulsions were happening subconsciously in my mind (ruminating, trying to argue, checking to see how I felt) and so now when I find myself mentally doing these compulsions, I try to redirect and refocus. I’ve also been doing ERP work where I write sentences over and over like “I will never know what happens when I die. Maybe nothing happens. Maybe I will go to hell. Maybe I will go to heaven”. Writing them over and over (like 25 times) several time a day seems to be helping.

@annabannana I understand your pain.

oh no not at all dont worry, im not religious. i kind of have the same thoughts, just with my upbringing, society, media, genes, instincts etc

I know this post is old but I need to know how you all are doing! I am suffering massively with existential OCD right now. I had this twice before but this time I have a baby and it just makes it that much harder! ?

Super old thread but is anyone else dealing with existential ocd? Any tips or comments about your recovery?

*dealing with it currently or in the past