js94
- Date posted
- 5y ago
idont241idont241
- Date posted
- 5y ago
See, the thing is I have hocd (or I think I do) and I don’t even know if what you’re staying it’s true to me or not. It’s like I can’t express what I am feeling I just don’t know how to describe it. I don’t know if I am or not aroused by women. I don’t know if I think the gayest things. I don’t know if I enjoy any of these things. I USED to know but now it’s just like nothing is clear. My hocd started when I was entering puberty so it’s very scary to think “maybe I was always like this and I am just now realizing”. When I ask myself “what does my kind really want” I don’t know. My head doesn’t let me know. I have had very intense crushes that ended this past year and I think I still have this small one but the thing is- my head doesn’t even let me choose bisexual, it’s telling me that it has to be one or the other. Did you experience any of this?
flowergirlglowflowergirlglow
- Date posted
- 5y ago
This will get easier. You will not always feel this way. Please call a hotline if you're feeling suicidal. I promise your mind will clear and you will be back to yourself. Stay strong
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
listen if you try to accept that you're gay to try to disprove whether its ocd or denial you wont get anywhere. trust me im gay and you FULLY KNOW if you are gay or not. u dont sit there and deny it. for me it happened when i had just entered puberty and i discovered bathroom alone time and i tried thinking abt women and that didnt arouse me so i was like "so what does my mind really want" and it immediately switched to guys. please dont try and do this. ocd numbs your libido and you wont get aroused by either women or men (you could get aroused by men just because youve been avoiding intrusive thoughts like the plague and your groin will recognize that as something new and untried and could launch like a slight arousal). what i advise you to do is just like with any other ocd. let it go. you have an inner truth and that inner truth is the truth. there were so many straight guys in my highschool that were perverted as fuck and did gay things as a joke. there are even straight men who experiment with gay men and they still identify as straight afterwards. if youre gay you wouldve found out a long time ago and you wouldve denied it for probably a day or 2 like i did and then just went "ok im obviously bullshitting let me just accept it." if you have any questions towards me ask.
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y ago
It's been 6 years of having these hocd thoughts I don't even know what to think anymore or where to start trying to get live my life freely
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
if you arent secretly finding ways to think the gayest things and try to make excuses about how it isnt gay that you think all these things and youre intensely aroused by them - then youre not gay. period. when i had the arousal of a lifetime thinking about intercourse with another man i came out of the bathroom panicked and i was like "im not gay right.... im just straight with a fetish for boys." then immediately after it i was like "that doesnt make no sense shit im gay" and i fully accepted it because like...i was aroused by guys the way straight men are aroused by women....like THATS gay. not intrusive thoughts and suffering but willingly thinking about homosexual acts and deriving enjoyment from them.
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes that's how I feel exactly ... I don't even know anymore
idont241idont241
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Its like you imagine relationships on both genders and you are like “i don’t even know how I feel like with this” and I can’t even answer the simplest questions or the facts that she said. I just, don’t know
idont241idont241
- Date posted
- 5y ago
*he
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
then that means youre not gay. and you arent feeling ur straight attractions because ocd makes you repulsed by those too to confuse you. before i had sexual ocd i fully knew what type of guys i found hot and recently i couldnt even think about them without feeling grossed out. its natural with ocd. if you had the clear answer before that clear answer IS the answer and will always be the answer.
idont241idont241
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Omg I was always scared to say I was kind of disgusted by the thoughts of guys now because i thought that will mean that nobody is going through the same as me. I am so glad to know someone is feeling like this too that’s going through the same as me
Related posts
MemyselfandI0
- Date posted
- 11w ago
I want my life back
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
Ellie.
- Date posted
- 8w ago
I’m begging ANYONE help I can’t take it anymore!!
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
anxiousashhh
- Date posted
- 8w ago
idk
I feel like I’ll never lead a normal life again with OCD, my thoughts have begun to be convince especially about POCD. I feel like so sad and down that this will be my life forever. I’ll never get to fall in love again without intrusive thoughts. I’ll never be worth falling in love with. I can never be intimate again. I’m just done, my life is over. I can’t even look at my nephew and niece anymore without the smile fading. It feels like I’m so nasty and then my brain convinces me this is how I feel. That there’s some part of me that is a p*do and that’s it. I’m a disgusting human being for that. I just feel hopeless
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