If you have maternal OCD and you still spend all day with your child and and you still have these thoughts, how does exposure therapy help if you're already spending all day with them but it's still happening ?
Hi Cheryl.. I am 4 months postpartum and am in the same boat as you. I try to do meditations when I can, try to go outside for walks and do showers and lots of self care when I can. I truly can relate because it’s hard when u take care of baby 24/7. I had to make sure I have my support people aroud me to help me take care of my baby so I can have a break.. The biggest thing for me is the mental ruminations which are hard to notice sometimes and hard to break sometimes. It feels real and our minds are tricking us. Whenever I get them I just label them as “intrusive” and let them float away.. try not to give in to the urge to analyze them, why they come, or what they mean as they are just thoughts. Try not to push them away as well because they will keep coming back. Just recognize they’re there and say ok just intrusive thoughts. I know it’s easier said than done and are really scary when we have our babies to take care of 24/7. A lot of the thoughts our brain makes are junk especially postpartum with so much hormonal changes.. We shouldnt believe them and not all thoughts are true and not all feelings are facts. My therapist and other moms told me it gets better as you dont avoid things that cause anxiety when you can and dont ruminate or try to figure it out when a thought comes. They also said it gets better as baby gets older and more independent. We will get through this. We have to be strong for our babies ❤️ sending hugs
I've been trying to do what you have said and just can't sit with the uncertainty. I keep getting thoughts and feelings and then think I am going crazy and want to run away from my baby. How do you deal with that ?
@cheryl1 One of my biggest themes is fear I am going crazy. I know it is difficult to sit with the uncertainty sometimes it’s unbearable. When this happens I try grounding techniques to calm me down.
@pac I constantly feel like I'm going crazy. At times I sit an analyse if I actually want to do this and if I enjoy it. It makes me sick after. My mind sometimes tell me to just do these awful acts then they will go away which makes no logical sense but that makes me fear I'm losing it even more and it's a vicous circle. I'm trying to find out how much sessions cost but there is no set amount outlined on here ? What grounding techniques do you do ?
@cheryl1 Not that it makes it any easier but I completely understand. I so desperately want peace. I al trying to focus on one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time. I am also trying to remember that it does get better. You can request information for an appointment ans they will tell you how much it is. Sometimes they work with your insurance. They didn’t accept mine and I want to say it was $95 a half hour but I can’t remember how much for the full hour maybe $175. They also offer payment plans which is nice. I do 5-4-3-2-1… 5 things I see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I hear, 2 things I smell and 1 thing I can taste. I also try boxed breathing.
I think erp helps when you fully recognize your compulsions and resist them. Once you start putting them off or stop doing them altogether, the ocd should get a bit better. I know what you mean though.. I think ideally in erp you would do easy exposures first and slowly build up to hard ones, but in your situation, you're constantly exposed to the triggers and probably at a level 10. I'm in a very similar situation and I'm feeling hopeless. It's just too difficult!! Everyone keeps telling me it's just a phase and it'll get easier, but it's so hard to believe that at times.. It's good to know we're not alone.. And I do believe erp works..
But I just don't get how it helps when you're exposed to being with your baby all day long and it still haunts your mind day and night? How much more exposed can we be than when we spend all day and night with them ? I really don't know what to do anymore ? I have always have OCD but this is the roughest and toughest yet since becoming a mum. My thoughts always used to be around hurting myself or a loved one now it all around my baby being hurt or me doing it. Its so annoying and unbearable. I feel like I just can't stop having the thoughts and don't know what to do with these ones as I have to look after and I do but they don't go away
Yes exactly
So what exactly are we meant to do with these thoughts? Sometimes I feel like my mind is telling me I want to do them and just to get it over and done with. I can't bare it, they seem to be getting stronger the more I try to be with her and then I feel like I'm mental 😭
I hear you. I felt exactly as u do with my daughter. I now feel like I hate my husband and want to get away from him and I have harm ocd towards myself. Thank G-D the thoughts against my oldest daughter went away as she got older but these other thoughts I have feel SO real and are driving me bonkers. I think the more you fight them the worse it gets. In erp they expose u to the thoughts like reading about someone else harming their child and the more u read stuff and expose urself to that topic your anxiety is supposed to go down. A trained specialist guides u through it. Ocd attacks those who we value the most and think are the most important. It’s really, really tough. I’m here anytime u want to speak.
I tried that for an exposure and it made me 100 times worse. I think it was too much too soon. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I actually spent three hours this morning convinces it was going to happen and waiting for it in complete panic
Thank you. It's very lonely as other people don't understand this and if I told most people they would think I was a monster. I have had OCD so many years on and off, from health OCD to somatic OCD, cleanliness OCD to hurt OCD and I hate hurt OCD the most. I have a touch of alot of them but the hurt one is always the worst because as you say it's against who you love the most. Sometimes I feel like driving away and living on my own. It's just such a horrible affliction to have. How much do the therapists charge on here ?
@pac Even the thought of some of these exposures I've read on here make me so anxious and feel bad without even trying them. So maybe it is about baby steps so to speak
I feel bad asking for and accepting help even though I know I should. Everyone is so busy with their own lives. The thoughts feel so real and I definitely find myself analyzing and focusing on what they mean and what could happen. What do you mean by mental ruminations?
I used to feel bad asking for help and that’s how I got burnt out but please do yourself a favor and ask for help. It will make a huge difference and surround yourself with loved ones if possible so you dont feel alone. Mental rumination means analyzing and going through the thoughts in your head which is exactly what you are doing and it’s fueling the anxiety because our brain will think it’s a problem and a threat but they’re not. The more you analyze them the more anxiety you feel coz u dont really get answers, it’s just an awful cycle of analyzing with no answers and just gives you more anxiety. We dont need to analyze them because they are just thoughts and that’s how they will stop coming. It takes practice to learn how to stop responding to them. I suggest doing meditations—I do guided ones using the calm app
@garciasandramm When they come just label them as intrusive and let them float away. Try not to interact, dont analyze and not to push them away because they will keep coming back. It’s easier said than done but that’s how we will get better when we realize we dont need to analyze the thoughts because they are just junk thoughts and dont mean anything. We need to realize that even without analyzing the thoughts, we will be safe, and we are safe.
@garciasandramm How do you stop analysing the thoughts without trying to actively block them out as they say not to stop the thoughts as it makes them come on more and more. I'm not sure what to do with the thoughts as I try to block them at the moment otherwise I ruminate
Really appreciate all you moms posting on this. I feel alone.
Please join our fb group-moms with ocd/anxiety disorders
@garciasandramm When is it?
@pac It’s a facebook group it’s always available
@garciasandramm Thank you! I joined
@pac You’re welcome!
I had harm ocd to my oldest when she was born. It’s so tough. When I told the social worker in the hospital after she was born. They got scared and dcf took her away and we had to hire a lawyer to get her back. The social worker wasn’t familiar with ocd so that’s why she got dcf involved. It was very scary. I had the thoughts against my daughter till she was like 2 but I was usually with her as well. Make sure to speak about this to a trained erp specialist so they won’t misunderstand you. It will get better. I have had harm ocd on and off in severity towards myself since I was 7 and I’m now I’m almost 43. For the last few years I developed rocd as well. Not fun. I’m now trying through NOCD to work with an ocd specialist. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
That sounds so scary! One of the reasons Ive been avoiding therapy for so long is because I'm afraid I'll be misunderstood.. It's definitely good advice to find sb that knows ocd and erp to help us out..I'm sure NOCD will help!
I feel for you! That's so hard and so distressing. Being a mum is so stressful, but even more so when you have ocd. I've also had ocd for a long time but it definitely was the worst postpartum cuz I think all the hormone shifts made it worse.. What would you say your compulsions are? Do you ruminate on the intrusive thoughts? Are the compulsions mental ones? Mine definitely are and that's why it's so hard to stop. Ideally, we should recognize the intrusive thought and feel the discomfort that comes with it and just move on without ruminating on the thoughts. Easier said than done.. Especially when you're being bombarded nonstop with tonnes of intrusive thoughts (i speak from experience..). My advice is to start erp with a therapist cuz they'll know how to help you navigate this tough phase.. I plan to start soon but should've started years ago..
I have mainly mental compulsions and started erp on this site a few months ago and my ocd still going strong. I have had this for awhile so I guess it will take awhile to help.
Sorry to sound stupid but what do you mean by mental compulsions ? I use avoidance or telling myself it's not real, do you mean this ?
I am going through postpartum OCD for the second time. I completely undestand how you feel. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I joined a support group and started therapy again this week. I feel hopeless. I don’t know how I am going to make it through again
You will find away, in the back of my mind I know I will too as I've had OCD so many times with different things but postpartum has been the hardest. I guess as you have made it through before you know you can do it again although it doesn't feel that way right now. I feel the same but I have to try for my daughter and pray she never gets this. My dad gets it too. Its awful the way it manifests in so many ways too
@cheryl1 Sometimes I can say I made it through once but other times it feels impossible. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s horrible how OCD preys on our biggest fears and those we love. I just want to be normal and enjoy my family.
@pac I do too, I had a big meltfown yesterday and nearly left my baby in a shop with my best friend as I felt I needed to get away as I couldn't breathe from all the thoughts and fears. It's a very debilitating illness. I desperately want help but don't even know where to start! How much do the sessions cost on here ?
@cheryl1 5 years ago I had OCD with my son and The thoughts were so relentless that I was in a constant state of fear and anxiety. It all felt so real that I couldn’t take care of him. I understand wanting to get away. I allowed the OCD to steal important time between me ans my son. This time I have refused to put my daughter down even when the thoughts and anxiety are overwhelming. I can’t lose time with her too. It’s also an exposure to sit there in the uncertainty and anxiety. You aren’t alone.
@pac I do sit with her and face it but it still doesn't get any easier. I don't know what to do I feel totally helpless. Have you done sessions on here ?
@cheryl1 I have not done sessions on here. I am seeing a therapist that specializes in postpartum mood disorders. I also joined a virtual support group from this app. My first group was Thursday. It was very helpful to meet with other moms that are suffering from this. They offered great advice and just to know I’m really not alone was nice. You should think about joining. The group is free. Many of the moms in the group use the NOCD therapists and seemed very happy.
@pac What is the group ? I'm struggling so bad today. Just been holding my daughter in my arms and sobbing. I've really had enough of my brain it's robbing me of enjoying any time with my daughter. Sick to death of it
@cheryl1 Im so sorry mama. it’s “moms with ocd/anxiety disorders support group” on facebook
@cheryl1 I am so sorry you are struggling today. I feel the same about OCD robbing me of time with my family when I get so stuck in my head. The only advice I have is to take it one moment at a time. You are not alone. At the top of the NOCD app there is an icon for support groups. If you click on it you will see a list of the support groups offered and you can register for it.
My ocd is ruining my relationship with my kids. Because of the intrusive thoughts I avoid being close to them, hugging or cuddling up to watch tv. My ocd is either telling me I wouldn’t care if harm came to them or it turns everything into something sexual or inappropriate. For example, my daughter wanted to show me how long her nails are so she started scratching my arm gently. It felt so nice and relaxing and I immediately panicked because I was scared the ocd would cause a groinal and I don’t ever, ever want a feeling like that connected with my child even though I know it’s the ocd causing it and not me i’d still feel horrible. I just want to be a normal loving affectionate mom and I can never be that for my kids because of ocd😪 I don’t see any other parents posting about going through this or commenting that they do and how they cope. I feel so alone and defeated.
Every day my ocd makes sure there’s a new reason for me to stay trapped in my mind rather than being the mom I want to be that my kids need. Instead i’m stuck in my head depressed and pushing them away. The other day I was braiding my daughter’s hair like I always do and her hair is really long so when I get to the end of the braid I can see her butt in my peripheral vision and I looked down and I immediately got upset asking myself why did I look down?(the ocd has made me question everything I do now). I know it’s just because I was at the end of the braid and I just looked because I was already looking in that direction. A normal person wouldn’t even think twice about it. There was no inappropriate reason behind it at all but of course my ocd latched onto the situation and said I looked down because I wanted to look at her butt. I was so upset and said to myself “I don’t understand how the ocd started an intrusive thought because she was wearing baggy pants. I could understand if she had on tight pants and her butt was more noticeable” and the only reason I said that is because usually the only time my ocd starts intrusive thoughts telling me i’m looking at my daughter in a wrong way is when she has on leggings or a crop top or bathing suit ect. Now my ocd twisted what I said to mean that I like looking at her in tight pants. Nooo! That’s not what I meant but now the ocd won’t stop trying to make me believe that. I don’t ever look at my children in any inappropriate way. I hate this. I hate ocd and I can’t live like this anymore.
Hi everyone, I’m Cayla. I’m a mom that’s lived with OCD since childhood, but my breaking point came more recently after having my son. I was consumed by terrifying thoughts—What if I hurt him? What if I did something awful without realizing it? I was so afraid of my own mind that I couldn’t be alone with him. The shame and exhaustion were unbearable, and I convinced myself I was broken. In 2024, I finally sought help. ERP therapy at NOCD was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it saved my life. Even now, I have tough days, but I know I don’t have to be ruled by OCD. When my 12 year old daughter began showing signs of OCD, I felt overwhelmed with guilt. I never wanted her to go through what I had, but I knew what to do. I told her that I have OCD too and made sure she knew it wasn’t her fault—and that she wasn’t alone. One of the hardest parts of this journey was trusting someone else with my daughter’s OCD. I knew how vulnerable it feels to share intrusive thoughts, and I wanted her to feel safe. Her NOCD therapist was able to establish trust and genuine empathy from the start, and that relationship gave her the confidence to face ERP head-on. Seeing her build that trust made me certain she was in the right hands. ERP has helped both of us reclaim our lives, and it is beautiful to see my daughter managing her condition and making visible progress. Parenting with OCD while raising a child with OCD isn’t talked about enough, but I know so many parents are struggling with these same challenges. If you have questions about managing OCD while parenting, helping your child through ERP, or breaking cycles of guilt, drop them below—I’d love to share what I’ve learned. I’ll be answering all of the questions I receive in real-time today 4-5pm ET.
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