If you have maternal OCD and you still spend all day with your child and and you still have these thoughts, how does exposure therapy help if you're already spending all day with them but it's still happening ?
Hi Cheryl.. I am 4 months postpartum and am in the same boat as you. I try to do meditations when I can, try to go outside for walks and do showers and lots of self care when I can. I truly can relate because it’s hard when u take care of baby 24/7. I had to make sure I have my support people aroud me to help me take care of my baby so I can have a break.. The biggest thing for me is the mental ruminations which are hard to notice sometimes and hard to break sometimes. It feels real and our minds are tricking us. Whenever I get them I just label them as “intrusive” and let them float away.. try not to give in to the urge to analyze them, why they come, or what they mean as they are just thoughts. Try not to push them away as well because they will keep coming back. Just recognize they’re there and say ok just intrusive thoughts. I know it’s easier said than done and are really scary when we have our babies to take care of 24/7. A lot of the thoughts our brain makes are junk especially postpartum with so much hormonal changes.. We shouldnt believe them and not all thoughts are true and not all feelings are facts. My therapist and other moms told me it gets better as you dont avoid things that cause anxiety when you can and dont ruminate or try to figure it out when a thought comes. They also said it gets better as baby gets older and more independent. We will get through this. We have to be strong for our babies ❤️ sending hugs
I've been trying to do what you have said and just can't sit with the uncertainty. I keep getting thoughts and feelings and then think I am going crazy and want to run away from my baby. How do you deal with that ?
@cheryl1 One of my biggest themes is fear I am going crazy. I know it is difficult to sit with the uncertainty sometimes it’s unbearable. When this happens I try grounding techniques to calm me down.
@pac I constantly feel like I'm going crazy. At times I sit an analyse if I actually want to do this and if I enjoy it. It makes me sick after. My mind sometimes tell me to just do these awful acts then they will go away which makes no logical sense but that makes me fear I'm losing it even more and it's a vicous circle. I'm trying to find out how much sessions cost but there is no set amount outlined on here ? What grounding techniques do you do ?
@cheryl1 Not that it makes it any easier but I completely understand. I so desperately want peace. I al trying to focus on one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time. I am also trying to remember that it does get better. You can request information for an appointment ans they will tell you how much it is. Sometimes they work with your insurance. They didn’t accept mine and I want to say it was $95 a half hour but I can’t remember how much for the full hour maybe $175. They also offer payment plans which is nice. I do 5-4-3-2-1… 5 things I see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I hear, 2 things I smell and 1 thing I can taste. I also try boxed breathing.
I think erp helps when you fully recognize your compulsions and resist them. Once you start putting them off or stop doing them altogether, the ocd should get a bit better. I know what you mean though.. I think ideally in erp you would do easy exposures first and slowly build up to hard ones, but in your situation, you're constantly exposed to the triggers and probably at a level 10. I'm in a very similar situation and I'm feeling hopeless. It's just too difficult!! Everyone keeps telling me it's just a phase and it'll get easier, but it's so hard to believe that at times.. It's good to know we're not alone.. And I do believe erp works..
But I just don't get how it helps when you're exposed to being with your baby all day long and it still haunts your mind day and night? How much more exposed can we be than when we spend all day and night with them ? I really don't know what to do anymore ? I have always have OCD but this is the roughest and toughest yet since becoming a mum. My thoughts always used to be around hurting myself or a loved one now it all around my baby being hurt or me doing it. Its so annoying and unbearable. I feel like I just can't stop having the thoughts and don't know what to do with these ones as I have to look after and I do but they don't go away
Yes exactly
So what exactly are we meant to do with these thoughts? Sometimes I feel like my mind is telling me I want to do them and just to get it over and done with. I can't bare it, they seem to be getting stronger the more I try to be with her and then I feel like I'm mental 😭
I hear you. I felt exactly as u do with my daughter. I now feel like I hate my husband and want to get away from him and I have harm ocd towards myself. Thank G-D the thoughts against my oldest daughter went away as she got older but these other thoughts I have feel SO real and are driving me bonkers. I think the more you fight them the worse it gets. In erp they expose u to the thoughts like reading about someone else harming their child and the more u read stuff and expose urself to that topic your anxiety is supposed to go down. A trained specialist guides u through it. Ocd attacks those who we value the most and think are the most important. It’s really, really tough. I’m here anytime u want to speak.
I tried that for an exposure and it made me 100 times worse. I think it was too much too soon. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I actually spent three hours this morning convinces it was going to happen and waiting for it in complete panic
Thank you. It's very lonely as other people don't understand this and if I told most people they would think I was a monster. I have had OCD so many years on and off, from health OCD to somatic OCD, cleanliness OCD to hurt OCD and I hate hurt OCD the most. I have a touch of alot of them but the hurt one is always the worst because as you say it's against who you love the most. Sometimes I feel like driving away and living on my own. It's just such a horrible affliction to have. How much do the therapists charge on here ?
@pac Even the thought of some of these exposures I've read on here make me so anxious and feel bad without even trying them. So maybe it is about baby steps so to speak
I feel bad asking for and accepting help even though I know I should. Everyone is so busy with their own lives. The thoughts feel so real and I definitely find myself analyzing and focusing on what they mean and what could happen. What do you mean by mental ruminations?
I used to feel bad asking for help and that’s how I got burnt out but please do yourself a favor and ask for help. It will make a huge difference and surround yourself with loved ones if possible so you dont feel alone. Mental rumination means analyzing and going through the thoughts in your head which is exactly what you are doing and it’s fueling the anxiety because our brain will think it’s a problem and a threat but they’re not. The more you analyze them the more anxiety you feel coz u dont really get answers, it’s just an awful cycle of analyzing with no answers and just gives you more anxiety. We dont need to analyze them because they are just thoughts and that’s how they will stop coming. It takes practice to learn how to stop responding to them. I suggest doing meditations—I do guided ones using the calm app
@garciasandramm When they come just label them as intrusive and let them float away. Try not to interact, dont analyze and not to push them away because they will keep coming back. It’s easier said than done but that’s how we will get better when we realize we dont need to analyze the thoughts because they are just junk thoughts and dont mean anything. We need to realize that even without analyzing the thoughts, we will be safe, and we are safe.
@garciasandramm How do you stop analysing the thoughts without trying to actively block them out as they say not to stop the thoughts as it makes them come on more and more. I'm not sure what to do with the thoughts as I try to block them at the moment otherwise I ruminate
Really appreciate all you moms posting on this. I feel alone.
Please join our fb group-moms with ocd/anxiety disorders
@garciasandramm When is it?
@pac It’s a facebook group it’s always available
@garciasandramm Thank you! I joined
@pac You’re welcome!
I had harm ocd to my oldest when she was born. It’s so tough. When I told the social worker in the hospital after she was born. They got scared and dcf took her away and we had to hire a lawyer to get her back. The social worker wasn’t familiar with ocd so that’s why she got dcf involved. It was very scary. I had the thoughts against my daughter till she was like 2 but I was usually with her as well. Make sure to speak about this to a trained erp specialist so they won’t misunderstand you. It will get better. I have had harm ocd on and off in severity towards myself since I was 7 and I’m now I’m almost 43. For the last few years I developed rocd as well. Not fun. I’m now trying through NOCD to work with an ocd specialist. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
That sounds so scary! One of the reasons Ive been avoiding therapy for so long is because I'm afraid I'll be misunderstood.. It's definitely good advice to find sb that knows ocd and erp to help us out..I'm sure NOCD will help!
I feel for you! That's so hard and so distressing. Being a mum is so stressful, but even more so when you have ocd. I've also had ocd for a long time but it definitely was the worst postpartum cuz I think all the hormone shifts made it worse.. What would you say your compulsions are? Do you ruminate on the intrusive thoughts? Are the compulsions mental ones? Mine definitely are and that's why it's so hard to stop. Ideally, we should recognize the intrusive thought and feel the discomfort that comes with it and just move on without ruminating on the thoughts. Easier said than done.. Especially when you're being bombarded nonstop with tonnes of intrusive thoughts (i speak from experience..). My advice is to start erp with a therapist cuz they'll know how to help you navigate this tough phase.. I plan to start soon but should've started years ago..
I have mainly mental compulsions and started erp on this site a few months ago and my ocd still going strong. I have had this for awhile so I guess it will take awhile to help.
Sorry to sound stupid but what do you mean by mental compulsions ? I use avoidance or telling myself it's not real, do you mean this ?
I am going through postpartum OCD for the second time. I completely undestand how you feel. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I joined a support group and started therapy again this week. I feel hopeless. I don’t know how I am going to make it through again
You will find away, in the back of my mind I know I will too as I've had OCD so many times with different things but postpartum has been the hardest. I guess as you have made it through before you know you can do it again although it doesn't feel that way right now. I feel the same but I have to try for my daughter and pray she never gets this. My dad gets it too. Its awful the way it manifests in so many ways too
@cheryl1 Sometimes I can say I made it through once but other times it feels impossible. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s horrible how OCD preys on our biggest fears and those we love. I just want to be normal and enjoy my family.
@pac I do too, I had a big meltfown yesterday and nearly left my baby in a shop with my best friend as I felt I needed to get away as I couldn't breathe from all the thoughts and fears. It's a very debilitating illness. I desperately want help but don't even know where to start! How much do the sessions cost on here ?
@cheryl1 5 years ago I had OCD with my son and The thoughts were so relentless that I was in a constant state of fear and anxiety. It all felt so real that I couldn’t take care of him. I understand wanting to get away. I allowed the OCD to steal important time between me ans my son. This time I have refused to put my daughter down even when the thoughts and anxiety are overwhelming. I can’t lose time with her too. It’s also an exposure to sit there in the uncertainty and anxiety. You aren’t alone.
@pac I do sit with her and face it but it still doesn't get any easier. I don't know what to do I feel totally helpless. Have you done sessions on here ?
@cheryl1 I have not done sessions on here. I am seeing a therapist that specializes in postpartum mood disorders. I also joined a virtual support group from this app. My first group was Thursday. It was very helpful to meet with other moms that are suffering from this. They offered great advice and just to know I’m really not alone was nice. You should think about joining. The group is free. Many of the moms in the group use the NOCD therapists and seemed very happy.
@pac What is the group ? I'm struggling so bad today. Just been holding my daughter in my arms and sobbing. I've really had enough of my brain it's robbing me of enjoying any time with my daughter. Sick to death of it
@cheryl1 Im so sorry mama. it’s “moms with ocd/anxiety disorders support group” on facebook
@cheryl1 I am so sorry you are struggling today. I feel the same about OCD robbing me of time with my family when I get so stuck in my head. The only advice I have is to take it one moment at a time. You are not alone. At the top of the NOCD app there is an icon for support groups. If you click on it you will see a list of the support groups offered and you can register for it.
Harm OCD - intrusive thoughts help pls!! I’m on to a new obsession at the moment with harm ocd which is children related. I’m having similar intrusive thoughts people with children might have (fear of harming their kid) but because I don’t have children yet, it’s the fear that I will harm my own children when I eventually have them :( Does anyone else find it hard to differentiate what is general irritable with children when they’re being loud or something and what’s OCD? Like I feel like I’m gonna get really angry at a kid or something and do something crazy and it scares me so much but then it also feels like I actually want to do that to a child eventually, like I have some sort of plan :( Pls help, I’m not asking for reassurance but this obsession is really new to me. Coping mechanisms?
So I have been working with exposure therapy for the past couple days and I think it's going good. But I have a question for those that suffer from relationship OCD. Now the thought "I don't love him" isn't about my husband... I'm gonna feel terrible for saying this but it's about my own son. He's my only baby and he's 7. I know deep down I love him more than anything but small things trigger me and makes me think I don't. Like tonight I'm forgetting some good memories and some things I feel like good mothers would never forget. Is this common? I'm freaking out here.
I am probably a lot older than most members on here having had ocd for over 40 years and I have had every type of ocd but its always thoughts based and mental rituals around harming people I love. . I have been doing great using self help books, and thought I had everything under control at last. I had quit worrying about it and realised I was never going to do any of the things I feared and would never ever want to. However out of the blue a few weeks ago I had a weird but horrible thought pop up, which I tried to do exposure for, by telling myself we can say anything in our heads even if its not true, as the self help books taught me. . that then started a whole new ball game as I then started bringing the horrible thoughts up on purpose and made them the worst I could for exposure , thinking it was the right thing to do but now i am feeling even worse again as by doing that I actually said the things I feared coming into my head for example:..'I could say I want ******to happen to the people i love ( then I kept repeating in my head that I wouldnt say that) I would never want anything bad to happen to them ever , they are my world and I love them more than Ive ever loved anyone. has this exposure I tried to do become a compulsion? . I seem to be constantly repeating this and then praying to keep everyone safe,,, why am i being tortured like this its as though the ocd bully is now saying ah but what if you hurt people by saying horrible things. please, please someone help me as I am really anxious and upset over this.
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