Doubting vs. Knowing

As we all know ERP is used to combat uncertainty, but how about when thoughts present themselves as certain. For example when I do ERP I will use a prevention response such as “it is possible….” And then my head will fire back with “it not that it’s possible.. it is”. Like my brain fires back with an absolute. I struggle with rocd. Unfortunately the only person who has answers to wether or not something is a deal breaker, is me. Not a single therapist or person can decide what I want or need, but myself. This is what makes this challenging. So I say “it’s possible this is a deal breaker” and my head fires back with “it is a deal breaker and you know it”. I caved and accepted that statement as true. Now I’m stuck beyond belief. I feel like I know the truth, and am failing to accept it.

Relationship OCD

Username: Diamonddogs107Diamonddogs107

Date posted: 2y ago

This is hard. I have been in the same bot many times. But u are still fighting it. And u are still going. And that’s the important part. And u have the power to say maybe it is a dealbreaker. But I am staying with my partner at least for today. Response prevention is hard. Especially when your ocd is telling you that u are denying something. But try when u can to say maybe maybe not. But I am staying at least for now. And it doesn’t need to be figured out rn. And remeber progress isn’t linear. U are doing the best u can and that’s enough

Username: Sunny87Sunny87

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you so much for the response and encouragement. This is so hard because feelings are fickle. Worse, I totally went apathetic and numb. Rocd and ocd in general sucks. I don’t wanna give up. But when do we make decisions ya know? I can’t put my head in the sand and avoid making a decision, esp. when another person is involved. But at the same time, nobody wants to make an OCD based decision.

Username: KElizKEliz

Date posted: 2y ago

I aprreciate this!

Username: Diamonddogs107Diamonddogs107

Date posted: 2y ago

@DN96 Yes that is the question. I have asked my therapist this and their response was what’s important is to not ruminate and make the decision in the moment. But sometimes I get upset because that feels like it means I will never make a decision. But I learned that by choosing to stay with them at least for now IS a decision. And as far as the other person goes, I argue it would be unfair to them to give up when u are not 100% sure you want to leave. You may never be 100% sure u want to stay. But if there is no genuine reason to leave such as abuse or mistreatment, you get to choose if u want to stay. And if you are not sure if it’s your ocd or not telling you to leave, I would stay. Because the worst thing is later you decide to leave. But the worst thing that could happen if u left them is that u regret it and can’t take it back. Ocd is like a roller coaster. Some days are good and some bad. But with ROCD it’s particularly hard bc it involves another person. You have to know that they also have the choice to leave. It’s not all up to you. They are not stuck. They are choosing to stay with you too. And you are not doing anything wrong by being the relationship even if you are unsure. Eveyone has been unsure about their partner at one time or another. But it is okay to stay and not be sure. Especially when your OCD will constantly tell you u aren’t sure. You also do not need to confess this to them (a common ROCD compulsion). I hope this helped. Sorry my brain is a bit scattered today

Username: Sunny87Sunny87

Date posted: 2y ago

You are amazing and I appreciate your response so much! Yes; I have been on this ROCD ride for over 5 years with the same partner. A few months ago, I couldn’t wait to get married; and now…. I’m terrified I’m in denial. But I’ll lean into the uncertainty and just ride the wave. I don’t tolerate unpleasant feelings well (sadness, anger, grief) and I think that influences my ROCD a lot. Like I sometimes need to allow myself to feel angry and not try to push it off to get back to the love feeling.

Username: Diamonddogs107Diamonddogs107

Date posted: 2y ago

Of course! I want to help in anyway that I can because I know how freaking hard it can be. That’s what OCD does, it takes whats super important and makes you happy, and tries to make u miserable because of this. Especially around big events such as marriage. OCD thrives off of this because it can convince u that due to it being a big decision you must be certain. However this is not the case. I am so proud of you for fighting and not giving up and hanging in there. You are stronger than you realize and I know you can do this. You already made the decision to get married because you want to. Even if your OCD is telling you that you don’t now because xyz, that doesn’t mean you have to end the marriage. If something is bothering you that your partner did, you can talk about it. But most things are not truly something to end it over. Especially if you have been with the same partner for five years. It is unlikely anything they do now will be a true dealbreaker. I also struggle with my unpleasant feelings. Especially if they are toward my partner. When I get sad or mad my OCD says oh you can’t love them and be upset with them so you have to break up. Which this is simply not the case. Being with someone means you will have ups and downs and sometimes they will annoy the crap out of you and sometimes they will make u happier than other times. It’s important to note it’s so possible to be angry and still love someone. I’m fact it would be strange if you never got upset with the person you spend a lot of time with and love. Trying to feel your feelings when your OCD is yelling at you and telling you that you can’t is hard. But I know you can do it. We are all here for you and you are not alone

Username: KElizKEliz

Date posted: 2y ago

Before I realized I was struggling with ROCD. I would feel such guilt when my partner would tell me he loves me. I would feel so uncertain and anxious about everything that I would start feeling numb. So I would feel bad if he expressed his love because I felt like I was lying when I said it back.

Username: KElizKEliz

Date posted: 2y ago

I still struggle with that but I at least know what’s going on in my mind

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

Accepting uncertainty feels like I'm accepting my intrusive thoughts (that I know are false) as truth. Does anyone else deal with this thought and have any tips to avoid thinking this? (I know it's my OCD telling me this so I can continue ruminating and "proving intrusive thoughts wrong", but it's a thought that makes me feel like ERP will make things worse)

"Pure" OCD

Username: joeyharringt...

Date posted: 3y ago

Anyone else find ERP incredibly difficult? My OCD does not want any part of it. I feel helpless because I keep giving into compulsions and a small part of me knows that the only way out is to stop compulsions. My OCD says otherwise, however. It has even gone so far to convince me that I actually cannot ever accept uncertainty and I find it so hard to not believe it. I know I will only ever find out if I stop compulsions but it is so damn hard and now OCD is getting in the way of my school work. One week I'm highly motivated and ready to fight, then the next week I'm so low and cannot stop ruminating. Then when I want to try again I know I'll just give in again. Much love for anyone suffering from this nonsense.

"Pure" OCD

Username: Sum1ne

Date posted: 2y ago

Accepting Uncertainty About Important Things

Why does it feel like we have to accept more uncertainty than most? I know I may be wrong, but I cant help but feel that it is so wrong to not worry about potential issues, if I’m making the wrong choice about my relationship especially if there were and can be real problems involved, if I’ve harmed, if I’ve been harmed, if this is not even OCD. It feels like Im being kept in the dark and it feels so unfair. Is there really no way other than to accept uncertainty? These are such important things (to me at least) and I’m supposed to not be sure about them? How is ERP going to help with OCD mixed with « real » problems? Ive been feeling so sad and frustrated about this lately, especially with « is it even OCD or am I supposed to be doing something else? Can someone please let me know how they overcome this?

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Doubting vs. Knowing

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