- Date posted
- 2y
- Date posted
- 2y
i feel the same way in my relationship and it’s honestly something i’m still working on and it’s very hard. just know your 100% valid & what your thinking isn’t who you actually are. best thing to do is be open and honest with your s/o, explain the situation. if they truly love you, they’ll understand and you can work together to try fix this issue. i also think for people with ocd or who suffer from relationship ocd, we see the movies, books, the way relationship and lust is portrayed in the media - so so so different than reality and it’s important to remember this
- Date posted
- 2y
Thanks ! Do you think this kind of issue can be fixed ? I don’t like to bring it up because I care for his feelings and I know it’s something he’s insecure about already. I love him so much
- Date posted
- 2y
@Tillyyyx like any form of ocd, it’s repetitive negative thoughts that can be very distressing, it’s all about breaking the pattern that’s been created, so 100% it can be fixed! i get that he might be insecure (it’s very normal for your partner too because he doesn’t understand exactly how your feeling), it is something i’d bring up and say that you wanna tackle the issue. i’m not sure how u feel about therapy for this specific issue but honestly it might be relief to get your issues out to an expect who understands ur feelings
- Date posted
- 2y
@pineapple_p I worry that what I am doing is morally wrong and that I will end up hurting both of us , I’m more concerned about hurting him which I do believe shows I love him very much
- Date posted
- 2y
I agree with you that speaking about the issue will lift a lot of unspoken tension and weight for both of us, the issue is I’ve never spoken to him properly out of fear of loosing him . He does know about my ocd but I’ve never gone too much into depth though he is clever and I know he understands where the doubts are coming from . His défense mechanism is to joke about me not being good enough for him which is reverse psychology and his way Of relieving his anxiety . I know this because I know him very well and he has opened to to me about this before . I guess I just very afraid of loosing him which is why I try and avoid these difficult issues we face
- Date posted
- 2y
i know it’s so hard to try and pretend it’s not an issue and hope it goes away, but it’s so mentally draining! best place to start is to have a long and in depth talk about your OCD, talk about your different fears, anything that comes along with it. typically ocd intrusive thoughts are irrational & don’t quite make sense, but this is something you can talk to your partner about! if he can begin to know about some thoughts you have it might make it easier for both of youse so you both know it’s not you, it’s just these horrible thoughts that are hard to shake! if it’s the fear that youse will break up over it that’s stopping you, in the long run, your hurting yourself. to overcome this will mean a lot of discussions and lots of patience patience patience! it won’t go away overnight and i know that’s hard to come to terms with but there is a starting point & can get better! i’ve had a fear that i’ll accidentally say another boys name instead of my boyfriends name when addressing him, and this tore me up instead for months! i eventually told him and he reacted in such a good way, so it eased that worry for me until it became non-existent. i know this is something you want to combat yourself but sometimes it’s not that easy
- Date posted
- 2y
@pineapple_p Thanks for your in depth message , it is funny how our intrusive thoughts can seem so unimportant to an outsider ‘I had a fear that I will accidentally say another boys name instead of my boyfriend name’ to an outsider may seem like no big deal if it happens , but I know how intense it feels to us! For me I’m not sure how to pinpoint my fears in reality, it’s manifested in many different ways : obsession with his height ( he’s a bit taller than me , obsession if people think we’re on the same level appearance wise , obsession with if he fancies my friends instead of me , obsession of if I fancy his friends instead of him , obsession over the fact I have not felt intense passion and initial spark ( applying meaning to this - does this mean we’re not meant to be) … all incredibly superficial stuff and the list goes on , makes me feel so guilty because there is sooooo much more to our relationship that all this superficial bs
- Date posted
- 2y
I have this issue with my bf of 3 years. Not only this, but emotional connection. I know I desperately want to be present with him and care for him so much and intimately but I just can't feel it. I feel to ashamed and embarrassed to express any of it. I especially do not want to hurt him and I know I will. So much guilt.
- Date posted
- 2y
Too*
- Date posted
- 2y
@Sero82 I wish I could give you a big hug :( cause I know how shitty this all feels, we have to remind ourselves that the fact we are so upset about this shows that we do really care about them otherwise we wouldn’t be here trying to work on ourselves for them. My biggest compulsion is to google everything to try and validate that my issues do not mean I need to break up and then any thing which tells me I do causes me to spiral in intense guilt and anxiety. I’ve avoided relationship coaching sessions out of fear they tell me my relationship is wrong, ultimately love is a choice which means we can choose to continue bettering our relationship and that should give us faith
- Date posted
- 2y
@Tillyyyx It's so hard thinking love is a choice when thinking that you have to have a natural desire to pursue it and it's so conflicting when here we are told are thoughts are just thoughts but our thoughts are ultimately what drive us to choose the choice of love, so does that make it worthless or fake? I also always struggle with feeling numb and emotionally drained (+depression) so the guilt more often comes from wanting to feel like I want to do better but feeling too exhausted to be present and care.
- Date posted
- 2y
@Sero82 Well I completely understand where you’re coming from but in reality the natural desire to pursue someone stems from reproduction it’s a natural instinct which isn’t designed for long term relationships , where a compassionate love and loyalty are what’s important . Honestly speaking if we all just followed our desires I doubt many people would stay together long term idk
- Date posted
- 2y
Also there are tonnes of people in relationships who feel these things but just don’t really care, I do believe we are lucky to be in a position where we care and value the quality of our relationship, in most cases we are over thinkers , we have expectations on what our relationship should look like when in reality every relationship is unique : ‘I do not want to hurt him ‘ shows you care for him already, emotional connection can definitely be developed over time it’s all about communicating and being able to understand your boyfriend’s body language and how he reacts in different situations , when you can both read each other and communicate maturely - it’s a two way thing .
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
He loves me and complimenta me and saya beautiful things and does many things for me, he says he loves me and he is there for me, but me.. i cant even say i love you without doubting, i am doubting my feelings my atractuon for him, everything, i feel so bad, i dont want to be like this, i hate myself . He is precious and genuine and im scared im not, i have moments when i am happy … but rn i am sad. I saw him today. i dont know what i felt but as im writing this i feel guilt amd fear. Scared that i may be pretending. I want to be happy, what if im not happy with him.. it cant be.
- Date posted
- 22w
When my boyfriend and I are apart, it honestly feels like I've lost all feelings for him. I start questioning everything, wondering if I even love him at all. Then, when we're finally together again, the memory of those earlier doubts creeps in and completely ruins the moment. I get so caught up in overthinking and analyzing my feelings that I can't even enjoy being with him. It's like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. The worst part is, sometimes later, when we're still together, I do feel the love. But then the anxiety kicks in again! I start worrying that I'm just faking it because I had those doubts earlier in the day. It's this endless cycle of questioning, doubting, and overthinking, and it's exhausting. I'm really struggling to stay present when we're together, and it feels like this constant cycle is preventing me from truly connecting with him. We have been together for three years and we love together, and I just started feeling this way about a month ago; it’s been almost every day since. One day, I randomly thought about breaking up with him. Our relationship is healthy, especially compared to my previous toxic one, where I was anxiously attached for two and a half years. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I have talked to him about my doubts and everything I’m experiencing, and he continues to support, care for, and help me through it all. I am very grateful for that. One aspect of my current relationship that I would like to improve is our communication, but we are both willing to work on it together. I often find that my overthinking leads me to question whether I really want to try to fix things or if I’d rather just continue as we are. This creates a constant push and pull in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to break this cycle and just be present in the moment? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through something like this.
- Date posted
- 13w
Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond