- Date posted
- 2y
- Date posted
- 2y
i feel the same way in my relationship and it’s honestly something i’m still working on and it’s very hard. just know your 100% valid & what your thinking isn’t who you actually are. best thing to do is be open and honest with your s/o, explain the situation. if they truly love you, they’ll understand and you can work together to try fix this issue. i also think for people with ocd or who suffer from relationship ocd, we see the movies, books, the way relationship and lust is portrayed in the media - so so so different than reality and it’s important to remember this
- Date posted
- 2y
Thanks ! Do you think this kind of issue can be fixed ? I don’t like to bring it up because I care for his feelings and I know it’s something he’s insecure about already. I love him so much
- Date posted
- 2y
@Tillyyyx like any form of ocd, it’s repetitive negative thoughts that can be very distressing, it’s all about breaking the pattern that’s been created, so 100% it can be fixed! i get that he might be insecure (it’s very normal for your partner too because he doesn’t understand exactly how your feeling), it is something i’d bring up and say that you wanna tackle the issue. i’m not sure how u feel about therapy for this specific issue but honestly it might be relief to get your issues out to an expect who understands ur feelings
- Date posted
- 2y
@pineapple_p I worry that what I am doing is morally wrong and that I will end up hurting both of us , I’m more concerned about hurting him which I do believe shows I love him very much
- Date posted
- 2y
I agree with you that speaking about the issue will lift a lot of unspoken tension and weight for both of us, the issue is I’ve never spoken to him properly out of fear of loosing him . He does know about my ocd but I’ve never gone too much into depth though he is clever and I know he understands where the doubts are coming from . His défense mechanism is to joke about me not being good enough for him which is reverse psychology and his way Of relieving his anxiety . I know this because I know him very well and he has opened to to me about this before . I guess I just very afraid of loosing him which is why I try and avoid these difficult issues we face
- Date posted
- 2y
i know it’s so hard to try and pretend it’s not an issue and hope it goes away, but it’s so mentally draining! best place to start is to have a long and in depth talk about your OCD, talk about your different fears, anything that comes along with it. typically ocd intrusive thoughts are irrational & don’t quite make sense, but this is something you can talk to your partner about! if he can begin to know about some thoughts you have it might make it easier for both of youse so you both know it’s not you, it’s just these horrible thoughts that are hard to shake! if it’s the fear that youse will break up over it that’s stopping you, in the long run, your hurting yourself. to overcome this will mean a lot of discussions and lots of patience patience patience! it won’t go away overnight and i know that’s hard to come to terms with but there is a starting point & can get better! i’ve had a fear that i’ll accidentally say another boys name instead of my boyfriends name when addressing him, and this tore me up instead for months! i eventually told him and he reacted in such a good way, so it eased that worry for me until it became non-existent. i know this is something you want to combat yourself but sometimes it’s not that easy
- Date posted
- 2y
@pineapple_p Thanks for your in depth message , it is funny how our intrusive thoughts can seem so unimportant to an outsider ‘I had a fear that I will accidentally say another boys name instead of my boyfriend name’ to an outsider may seem like no big deal if it happens , but I know how intense it feels to us! For me I’m not sure how to pinpoint my fears in reality, it’s manifested in many different ways : obsession with his height ( he’s a bit taller than me , obsession if people think we’re on the same level appearance wise , obsession with if he fancies my friends instead of me , obsession of if I fancy his friends instead of him , obsession over the fact I have not felt intense passion and initial spark ( applying meaning to this - does this mean we’re not meant to be) … all incredibly superficial stuff and the list goes on , makes me feel so guilty because there is sooooo much more to our relationship that all this superficial bs
- Date posted
- 2y
I have this issue with my bf of 3 years. Not only this, but emotional connection. I know I desperately want to be present with him and care for him so much and intimately but I just can't feel it. I feel to ashamed and embarrassed to express any of it. I especially do not want to hurt him and I know I will. So much guilt.
- Date posted
- 2y
Too*
- Date posted
- 2y
@Sero82 I wish I could give you a big hug :( cause I know how shitty this all feels, we have to remind ourselves that the fact we are so upset about this shows that we do really care about them otherwise we wouldn’t be here trying to work on ourselves for them. My biggest compulsion is to google everything to try and validate that my issues do not mean I need to break up and then any thing which tells me I do causes me to spiral in intense guilt and anxiety. I’ve avoided relationship coaching sessions out of fear they tell me my relationship is wrong, ultimately love is a choice which means we can choose to continue bettering our relationship and that should give us faith
- Date posted
- 2y
@Tillyyyx It's so hard thinking love is a choice when thinking that you have to have a natural desire to pursue it and it's so conflicting when here we are told are thoughts are just thoughts but our thoughts are ultimately what drive us to choose the choice of love, so does that make it worthless or fake? I also always struggle with feeling numb and emotionally drained (+depression) so the guilt more often comes from wanting to feel like I want to do better but feeling too exhausted to be present and care.
- Date posted
- 2y
@Sero82 Well I completely understand where you’re coming from but in reality the natural desire to pursue someone stems from reproduction it’s a natural instinct which isn’t designed for long term relationships , where a compassionate love and loyalty are what’s important . Honestly speaking if we all just followed our desires I doubt many people would stay together long term idk
- Date posted
- 2y
Also there are tonnes of people in relationships who feel these things but just don’t really care, I do believe we are lucky to be in a position where we care and value the quality of our relationship, in most cases we are over thinkers , we have expectations on what our relationship should look like when in reality every relationship is unique : ‘I do not want to hurt him ‘ shows you care for him already, emotional connection can definitely be developed over time it’s all about communicating and being able to understand your boyfriend’s body language and how he reacts in different situations , when you can both read each other and communicate maturely - it’s a two way thing .
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 12w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
- Date posted
- 9w
Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
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