How to let myself be loved?

so i need advice because i genuinely am not sure what is the healthiest thing to do. my partner knows i have ocd and knows a little about the specific themes i struggle with. but there’s a lot i haven’t told them because i’m scared to open up about it and/or because i think it’ll negatively impact their own mental health. how much of my ocd should i tell them about? do i carry on keeping most of it to myself, protecting their feelings and mine but bottling up all my problems? or do i lay it all out, helping them understand me better and finally giving myself an outlet but potentially hurting them? or something in between? i would ask a therapist if i had one but that’s not a possibility for me at the moment so if any of you have advice then i would really appreciate it

Hi, I’m a broke college student. I’m in a relationship with someone I care so deeply about but my OCD has latched onto it and distorted my thoughts and feelings about him. More over, my thoughts about feeling like I actually exist. I want to feel alive, I want to love myself and my lover, I want to be okay. But I can’t afford therapy. I want to try ERP but I am not sure where to begin. I’m an artist too and drawing has been so much harder because of it. Music makes me feel the worst. Help?

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍