- Date posted
- 3y
Is being an incel dangerous
I’ve never had sex you I feel like I can but since I haven’t and I’m 14 I feel I might be dangerous and I could be a threat to women and society. Please help me get around this
I’ve never had sex you I feel like I can but since I haven’t and I’m 14 I feel I might be dangerous and I could be a threat to women and society. Please help me get around this
You’re way too young to be worried about this kind of stuff. I can’t reassure you but hang in there and remember that you’re still a kid
Oh my goodness I have a son who is 14 and yes this is a very young age. Get your mind in the right place go ask your parents for advice.
Being a virgin isn't the same as being an incel my friend. Incels are angry people (usually men) who feel entitled to sex and are resentful about not having access to it. Its also very normal to not have had sex at 14. There's no rush. Incel is a mindset/ideology/cult and has no relation to having had sex or not (ex. if you had sex tomorrow it wouldn't magically prevent you from being an incel). This sounds like an intrusive thought. If you have an adult in your life that you trust and feel safe with I would highly recommend you talk to them about this. 14 is a weird age to be at and having someone to unpack these concerns with will help.
I’m going to be real here… I struggle with these same thoughts and I’m older. The only way to get around them is to say “what if I am an incel?” Remember, OCD thrives off black and white thinking like this. You should learn to accept uncertainty and say “maybe I am not (or am) an incel”. Instead of reassuring yourself that you aren’t one, learn to control the things you can improve. A healthy mindset, going to gym, and good personal hygiene go a long way. Also self-awareness is key in not being an incel.
@Josean It’s weird for me because I have been trying to self improve and cut the distractions out like social media so these thoughts feel so real and my whole purpose is to find a good woman and improve myself but I kind of like avoid them because of social anxiety and I feel if I don’t chase them they chase me. I’m lost
@ethosmans Yeah I can relate to that and I’m more than twice your age. My advise is to work on your OCD first, get some exposures. Ask girls out on dates, respectfully of course, and don’t expect anything. If you get a date, great, but if not, that’s good too. At least you are making the effort. Incels don’t do that. Good luck out there, and remember, there’s plenty of more fish in the sea.
@ethosmans Also, I agree, cut back on social media. It is fueled with triggering material and full of things you don’t need to worry about. Plus it’s not representative of real human interactions.
there is a lot more to incels than just not having sex. they have a sense of entitlement to sex and don't like women because of this, and share their views with other incels who will agree with them.
Incel’s hate women, hate society, and want people who are ugly to dominate good looking people and claim their place in the world so women have sex with them… you’re not an incel. And if you ever fall down a rabbit hole of inceldom it’s really common and there’s lots of resources to get out. You’re fine my guy.
Hasan has really good commentary on YouTube about why incel ideology is ridiculous if you want some good reassurance on why you wouldn’t want to be an incel. It helped me
Listen, it will come. Don't get your head wrapped up in keeping up with peers. I struggled with that in high-school, and it ruined every day for me. You are you. You don't have to meet any social standards. Remember this phrase. " your perception dictates your reality" if you tell yourself you are a lover, how do you think you are going to feel? Like a lover. Life gets better. You are in a very tough time in life. Keep your nose in the books and out of your own head. Learn from me.
Loser* sorry, autocorrect
So one day a couple months ago I saw some posts on threads pop up on instagram and they said I’m 17 and horny and 18 and horny or I think I even remember see a 16 year old one. I’m 20 and I remembered that when those popped up I clicked on them and I don’t know if I did it out of true attraction or out of the urge to make my anxiety go away. I feel like often times if I see something that says any number under 18 even if it has nothing to do with age it could be talking about season 17 of a tv show my mind immediately goes what?? 17??? And then I click on it to make my anxiety go away. So when I remembered all of this I downloaded the threads app because I wanted to see if I could get reassurance and see if I could rekindle how I felt in these moments. When I opened the app all I saw was posts like that but everyone claimed to be 18. The only problem is none of the girls looked 18 they looked like 14-16 so I started to panic I and worry that because I clicked on the threads in the past it popped up more and I was a pedophile for that. All of the accounts all pretty much had only fans links so at that point I was like well they have to be 18 then but now I’m worried that maybe it’s a scammer and they are using underage pictures of girls and putting them on onlyfans. Which I know is out of my control but I just feel like a Pedo and like I did something wrong. Does anyone have any advice? Or have any similar situations/ similarities with this?
WARNING THIS IS A +18 POST I'm 24 years old and I never had a girlfriend, and in the past I felt bad about it but now i'm glad that I didn't had sex yet. I feel like I won't find a girl who is virgin too at this point, maybe it's because this is what people around me say, but even if I don't I have to work on accepting that people can change and the past doesn't matter. I wasn't a christian when i was in highschool so the reason that I didnt had sex was because I was shy and I didnt had confidence. Now because of ocd alot of times i feel mentally tired, i barelly can care for myself and those times i question how could i care for my girlfriend,I would feel alot of shame that I cant be a man for her, so maybe its good that im still single. My view about wainting until marriage changed however i still struggle sometimes with questions, I don't have close christian friends, people I go out with arent believers and it doesnt seem like not waiting until marriage had a bad effect on them. I dont believe that theres a thing that you cant connect with someone sexually,cause they always say what if you cant connect with them and you find it after marriage, I dont believe in that,I think you can work on it with anyone,however there are alot of stories of christian couples who cant connect sexually and they get divorced... so sometimes this question bugs me. Another reason is,I feel like planning your wedding and the whole party its just too much for me now, I dont say I wont have it, its just im 24 now and i feel like im too young for that,I feel weird about it, maybe when I will be 28 it will feel okay, but then if I get a gf, waiting for 3-4 years would be really hard.As I know myself I wont be able to tolerate the sexual tension more than a year, so I struggle with these things, you might say im childish, I accept that, maybe in time these will change. So if you are still here thank you, I made it really long cause I think its still important for you to know these details cause now i talk about what triggered me today. I watched a podcast about sex and how to prepare yourself for it(cause I dont like that people say as a single christian you should stay away/run away from that topic) and at one point they talked about "debuking the myths of sex" and the first one was that if you will wait until marriage, you will have a good sex life and good marriage. And i was like but thats the point, but dont misunderstand me, im not viewing this like there will be no struggles and growing is not needed, yes offcourse but stay with me cause then they said "sex at the first time should be akward(im okay with this,but then...) it should make you feel shame and discusted/discomfort, and this triggered me. I know for girls its usually painful but I heard alot of people said first time was really good, even christians on the internet who says they waited for it says it was really good. But I find the other group too who says its much harder, its akward and im like then whats the point of the honeymoon? I dont day honeymoon should be perfect but somewhat good,no? If its just a struggle that kind off takes away the beauty. You still have to find what is best for both of you but if you feel shame,discust,and akward thats a bad experience. And what should make your relationship stronger, it actually gives you more problems.When I was watching this, I got hit by those feelings cause in the past I felt shame and discust when i thought about sex and i didnt liked that cause sex is holy and its a good thing,but you say after wating so much,fighting with lust and sexual tension, finally waiting until marriage I will feel shame and discust about having sex? What if then it will be hard to do it again and it damages the marriage? Alot of these christians who make these videos had sexual life in the past so they wont feel shame and discust but we who are still virgins dont know anything about it and this is why sometimes i question is it worth to wait until marriage...
18+ TW! Involves sexual content I have learning disabilities which means im always going to be 3-5 years mentally behind from my actual age… when I was 14 I remember finding people saying they work with kids “attractive” and I remember mastu*** over a kid around 5+ but when I was 14 I was either mentally age 11 or 9. So I didn’t know it was wrong, and as soon as I realised I stopped. People say I was young and it’s okay but I remember finding people saying they even walked past a nursery “attractive” but I don’t know if this is even the right word. Maybe cute? Because I find different emotions hard to tell the difference between, so maybe it’s cute rather than attractive. I never ever had intentions to do anything to younger individuals, it was just me finding people saying they worked with them etc attractive… which my ocd now plays on, because my friend mentioned they were working with kids but idk if it was the real me or not but I genuinely felt like I found it attractive and it was giving my so many groinal responses which then made me feel genuinely aroused like I wanted to do things. This plays on my mind because my ocd will always say “but you did/do find stuff like this attractive” but this literally stops me from eating, sleeping or anything. I can’t break from my compultions because what if I do genuinely find it attractive. I don’t think it’s even attractive maybe it’s cute? Like I find it cute… but cuteness can give people feelings down there I guess. I think because if my learning disabilities I found it hard to know the difference between “attraction” and cute so I did stuff over it because it gave me that feeling down there but that could of been cuteness feeling. I just need some support on this.
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