Is being an incel dangerous
I’ve never had sex you I feel like I can but since I haven’t and I’m 14 I feel I might be dangerous and I could be a threat to women and society. Please help me get around this
You’re way too young to be worried about this kind of stuff. I can’t reassure you but hang in there and remember that you’re still a kid
Oh my goodness I have a son who is 14 and yes this is a very young age. Get your mind in the right place go ask your parents for advice.
Being a virgin isn't the same as being an incel my friend. Incels are angry people (usually men) who feel entitled to sex and are resentful about not having access to it. Its also very normal to not have had sex at 14. There's no rush. Incel is a mindset/ideology/cult and has no relation to having had sex or not (ex. if you had sex tomorrow it wouldn't magically prevent you from being an incel). This sounds like an intrusive thought. If you have an adult in your life that you trust and feel safe with I would highly recommend you talk to them about this. 14 is a weird age to be at and having someone to unpack these concerns with will help.
I’m going to be real here… I struggle with these same thoughts and I’m older. The only way to get around them is to say “what if I am an incel?” Remember, OCD thrives off black and white thinking like this. You should learn to accept uncertainty and say “maybe I am not (or am) an incel”. Instead of reassuring yourself that you aren’t one, learn to control the things you can improve. A healthy mindset, going to gym, and good personal hygiene go a long way. Also self-awareness is key in not being an incel.
@Josean It’s weird for me because I have been trying to self improve and cut the distractions out like social media so these thoughts feel so real and my whole purpose is to find a good woman and improve myself but I kind of like avoid them because of social anxiety and I feel if I don’t chase them they chase me. I’m lost
@ethosmans Yeah I can relate to that and I’m more than twice your age. My advise is to work on your OCD first, get some exposures. Ask girls out on dates, respectfully of course, and don’t expect anything. If you get a date, great, but if not, that’s good too. At least you are making the effort. Incels don’t do that. Good luck out there, and remember, there’s plenty of more fish in the sea.
@ethosmans Also, I agree, cut back on social media. It is fueled with triggering material and full of things you don’t need to worry about. Plus it’s not representative of real human interactions.
there is a lot more to incels than just not having sex. they have a sense of entitlement to sex and don't like women because of this, and share their views with other incels who will agree with them.
Incel’s hate women, hate society, and want people who are ugly to dominate good looking people and claim their place in the world so women have sex with them… you’re not an incel. And if you ever fall down a rabbit hole of inceldom it’s really common and there’s lots of resources to get out. You’re fine my guy.
Hasan has really good commentary on YouTube about why incel ideology is ridiculous if you want some good reassurance on why you wouldn’t want to be an incel. It helped me
Listen, it will come. Don't get your head wrapped up in keeping up with peers. I struggled with that in high-school, and it ruined every day for me. You are you. You don't have to meet any social standards. Remember this phrase. " your perception dictates your reality" if you tell yourself you are a lover, how do you think you are going to feel? Like a lover. Life gets better. You are in a very tough time in life. Keep your nose in the books and out of your own head. Learn from me.
Loser* sorry, autocorrect
Only girls reply please 😁 just feel better that way So basically I’m feeling quite insecure for still being a virgin at 17 and I keep telling myself to not be so upset by what society expects of me but I literally can’t help it. Apart from a dumb relationship when I was 14, and a few pecks with boys when playing spin the bottle these last few years, I’m never been intimate with a guy. And it just makes me feel really shit about myself. I KNOW it shouldn’t matter at all but I can’t shake it off. And beyond this, I’m also worried I’ll use a guy one day just to gain experience and that’s a horrible thing to do. I always sorta told myself that before university, I’d go abroad with friends and just go wild, but if it’s all because I’m insecure, then that’s not fair on any of the guys I’d be with. At all. So what am I meant to do? At this point, I just wanna lose it and move forwards, or become more confident!! Losing it would make me feel good (but guilty because I fear I’d be using the person) yet confidence is such a long journey.
I’m 25 years old. Never have been in a relationship with a female. When I think about it, it makes me very sad. I have an extremely low self esteem. It was brought to my attention by a couple of OCD specialists about the correlation between OCD and my fear of rejection. For example, if I get rejected, it would mean that that person is confirming that I am indeed worthless and should go kill myself, etc. This sick all or nothing thinking is probably a big reason why I haven’t been in a relationship. My therapist at the moment from NOCD is pushing me to interact with more women by initiating conversation but I am nervous about this. I keep telling myself I’m going to say something to someone but I always freeze up and make excuses.
So I feel like I’ve been making lots of progress with my OCD, but there’s one key obsession I just can’t let go of: The fear of being an incel (i.e. involuntarily celibate). Now, before anything else, I must say that I don’t hate women at all. If anything, most of my closest friends have been women. I also do admire women’s other gifts, not just beauty. I too have many “feminine” traits, or at least things that are typically associated with women like cooking, gardening, caring for others, and being open about my emotions. It all seems like I was a healthy blend of masculine and feminine traits, and that it was ok to not be a “Chad”. That is, until I came across the term “incel” My OCD really likes to make me believe I’m an incel, because quite frankly, I’m not exactly conventionally attractive. I’ve been on Tinder, only to be scammed, blackmailed, and rejected. No success there… so my OCD draws the conclusion, yeah you’re an incel. Even though I’m appalled and grossed out by incel forums, and I refuse to be labeled as an incel, OCD makes me think that. I’ve come to the conclusion that I should just give up on dating, because it just doesn’t seem worth the effort. And before anyone starts saying I should work on myself, I’m self aware enough to know what I’m weak at. I’ve lost a ton of weight, go to therapy, take time for self care, have now a job, have my own place, and otherwise doing ok for myself. Do anyone else out there get this too? Female “incel” comments are welcome too.
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