I don't know if this is because of my OCD... but my thoughts will force me to make irrational/dangerous/dumb decisions. I swim in chaos and enjoy drinking too much or smoking or doing drugs just to keep other things on my mind

I’ve never told anyone about my obsessive thoughts, I get random irrational obsessive thoughts that play over and over almost like a broken record like: “killing myself would be fun” or “‘maybe you should just kill yourself” I have absolutely NO suicidal ideation whatsoever, it’s just this empty thought that replays over and over, it feels like my mind is torturing me. Like it’s doing this on its own. There’s sometimes I’ve mentally screamed STOP!! Because I just wanted the broken record or my obsessive thinking to end. I’ve never been officially diagnosed so I’m not sure if I do have OCD but I’ve lived with these obsessive symptoms my whole life. I also always think I made a mistake, so I do things over and over and over again, always double checking.

Can someone please help . My OCD is more about obsessive thoughts. I dont know how to catch myself on the obsessive thoughts. How to fix it. I mean that I have so many thoughts and my thoughts are spinning and spinning then I dont know how to find an actual topic of my thoughts.... and what caused an obsessive thought . I hope it makes sense . It feels lately like I dont think and I just have obsessive thoughts . I'm second day in a row drinking alcohol to feel tipsy and to stop having the thoughts but I dont wanna become an alcoholic . But it's an awesome feeling to stop thinking and being focused on painting ( cause I'm painting and drinking right now )

Alcohol and OCD: A cruel mistress! Hi all. I wanted to share my thoughts and potentially start a discussion about the role of alcohol in OCD. Certainly in my case I think it is a fundamental contributor to my suffering, and I'm not surprised about the statistics related to how many OCD sufferers also suffer from problematic drinking. My current obsessive themes are Real Event/guilt OCD and are often related to situations and events where I was incredibly drunk with fuzzy and missing memories, or my drunkenness contributed to certain actions that I now obsessively regret. Whilst this was in the past, alcohol is still contributing to my suffering, and I'm starting to wonder whether I would be much happier without it. I find that after sometimes months of feeling fine, most if not all of my major relapses have occurred directly after a night of heavy drinking, and that spark has sent me spiralling for days and sometimes weeks. I then became obsessed about limiting my drinking in certain situations, I had a fear that if I was drunk I would end up committing some horrible crime or cheating on my partner. Now though I'm finding that I'm drinking moderate amounts of alcohol on a very regular basis, just to take my mind off my obsessions, which is very unhealthy. When I have a drink, even just one, it feels like my thoughts just almost vanish in importance, it's like a beautiful break from all the suffering. This feeling scares me a little and I now worry that I might be verging on some form of dependency on alcohol. I'm not looking for any reassurance here, just wanted to share my experience and chat with others who might also be struggling in this way.