I know any reassurance I get does not satisfy, it keeps coming back. Even if I think I have an answer, even if the answer is that I don’t have the answers and that’s okay, it does not last. The ocd will find a way to come back and make me question. But I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD still, I have gone through an eating disorder and severe malnourishment... and chemo. So I wouldn’t be surprised if my brain is just tired, exhausted, and trying to repair itself and my entire body. But even before all of that, I struggled with my brain. Someone would turn on a light switch, and my mind would be thrown completely off and I’d panic, if someone opened a door, my mind was thrown off, the color of the sky didn’t feel right, something didn’t feel right. And I spent hours to full days being thrown off and wondering why. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. And still to this day I don’t understand. I do not know if it’s OCD. My mind feels broken. I can’t concentrate and I can’t seem to focus on anything without feeling like I’m missing something and I have to figure something out and something is wrong. Not sure what the purpose of my writing this is, I guess I’m just processing some. If anyone has any thoughts, I’d love to hear:)

Thank you for sharing. It made me feel less alone

The thing is your not facing the uncertainty head on have you tried exercises on exposing yourself to your fear? Accept it as 100 percent true. I don’t know if you heard of scripts but you record a script of your fear and try to get to the core a lot of times the surface of the fear is deeper rooted to a core fear like being alone or going crazy.. write out the worst case scenario and your wishes to reassure yourself but that your unable to write every feeling every emotion visualize sit with it. Then after continue your day with healthy habits and focus towards your goals without doing mental compulsions physical ones and sitting with whatever feelings and thoughts that pop up. Do this every day for different ones starting with the ones that cause the least anxiety it is proven fact and shown that this does in fact desensitize people to their fear and then you can see through a much clearer lense the one outside of ocd... that is recovery. Let go of expectations of how you want to feel. I can send you a link to the script information to show you how it all works if you would like.

It will get worse before it gets better when you start cutting out compulsions and doing erp your going to feel probably the worst ever that’s when the innovation happens. All you compulsions just keep you above water so just trust he process please.

The uncertainty curve will allow you to keep track the experience of cutting out compulsions.

You right now keep you heard just above water. ERP and cutting out compulsions your going to start sinking your going to want to put your head back above water but your going to allow yourself to sink at some point it’s going to feel like your almost about to drown when boom ? you start swimming then you reach the shore. This is how ERP works along with cutting out compulsions and then contributing your day focused on your goals and values. Trust the process.

Which part are you dealing with? @idont241

Sorry, I meant which part of what I said, do you relate to?

https://iocdf.org/ext/2017slides/7-7%20-%201230%20-%20Scripting%20for%20Success.ppt

https://www.markfreeman.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Uncertainty_Curve_example.pdf