It’s gotten to the point my boyfriend threatens to block me every time he gets a little ticked off at me and he doesn’t like talking when he’s upset he always needs space. My ocd goes crazy when this happens because I fear being broken up with, which he also threatened. Our relationship was perfect and after some fights he has come to resent me. When he’s mad he tells me he’s with me out of pity and then when he’s calm he says he loves me he doesn’t mean it. This is so hard for me to handle and makes me obsess like crazy. He knows I am lonely at home and we are long distance.

Well you can’t keep beating yourself up for that. And it’s no excuse for the way he’s treating you. That’s on him. Do you want to be with someone who treats you like this?

It sounds like he's mean and doesn't know how to support you, or is just choosing not to.

It's messed up for him to treat you like that. I know the feeling of being mistreated, it's terrible, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

And recently I found jobs on a temp site for $18/ hour. I know that’s not great but it’s not terrible!

My family is from the region too. Have you talked to a professional about this? You mentioned money issues but you might try aunt Bertha or 211 (they are low cost care networks).

What is he upset about? Just normal things or is it your ocd stuff?

Sometimes he hates my depressed attitude but now it’s just any little thing. He’s very sensitive and English isn’t his first language so sometimes on text things get misunderstood. When I try and calm him down he’s like F off I will block u if u don’t stop. Usually I am the one to approach him after a day or two of him ignoring me. He was deeply in love with me and then after some fights he really resents me and threatens to break up all the time, as if he’s getting revenge on me. He doesn’t care how I feel and is never in the mood to communicate what bothers me or our issues. Bottling everything in will be worse. I feel like I’m staying in this abusive relationship because I’m afraid no one will accept my past, which I think is my ocd talking. When he ignores me my anxiety goes through the roof afraid of being abandoned. I think it’s a way to control me and keep my mouth shut.

It sounds like he’s not a great boyfriend to you and you are already thinking you don’t want to be with him. Don’t stay because you don’t feel worthy of love. This is not OCD related. This is a bad relationship and poor self esteem on your part.

He gave me the world and I lashed out drunk a few times after I lost my job. I made him feel unappreciated and stressed him out for months. I met him as an expat abroad. He sent me home for a few months for space. He just has a huge grudge against me and I don’t know when it will end. He was never ever like this. But yeah over time my self esteem has gone down to almost nothing. I’m isolated from friends so when he ignores me it really kills me inside.

How long have you been with him

I’ve been with him for almost 10 months. He said no girl has ever gotten him to the point he’s gotten with me in anger. I admit I screwed up, but he’s made me pay for it. I tried to hold him once from leaving me in the apartment with no money or anything because I didn’t know how long he needed space and he spit at me. I bought up his ex once during a fight and then he told me she looks much much better than me. He told me after he didn’t mean it and he needs space when we fight so he doesn’t say anything bad. We have a great physical relationship and connection but when we fight it’s baddddd. I’m messed up in the head.

I feel so pathetic. I was complete opposite of the girl I am now. A few years ago I was working multiple jobs and a friend mentioned a sugar daddy site where young girls get through school or pay off debt. Worst two encounters of my life, they made it seem like dating and I was just taking advantage of like a prostitute and not paid. Biggest disgusting regret of my life and I am traumatized, but I feel the need to confess this experience to guys I date because I’m guilty and also what if it comes out later. I think this is why I’m punishing myself in this relationship because I don’t think anyone else will accept my past. I’m so broken and have no self esteem anymore.

I’m 26. I was an expat in Dubai where I met my current boyfriend and now I’m back in New York. All my friends here are too busy or moved away. I lost my job months ago and am still struggling here to even get a job. My boyfriend is supposed to meet me here or take me back to Dubai. All this social isolation and boredom from being broke is making me afraid of being alone. Im ready to have a breakdown. I can’t even afford therapy and meds and have no insurance.

Why are you with him?

@t3ddy I love him and I know he’s angry with me from the past. I changed him so much but I’m trying to get him to move on. Deep down though, I feel like I’m staying in a toxic relationship because I feel like I can’t do better or deserve better. I also am socially isolated and don’t want to be alone. It’s a vicious cycle.

Are you physically close to any of your friends or family? I understood that you are an expat...

What I mean is, do you have a support structure where you live now that is your own (ie separate from your relationship)?

I’m back home now with my family. I lost my job in Dubai months ago and was living in my boyfriends apartment on the outskirts of Dubai. It was conservative and I was in the middle of nowhere relying on him. I went crazy and had a mental breakdown. The fights got so bad he sent me home to New York for a few months. My family is struggling to get money for groceries they suddenly went so broke. My grandma cries in pain all day, it’s just all negative energy. I sit in my room and watch Netflix hoping my boyfriend will call or text. I’m having trouble finding a job even tho I have a degree and years of great experience. All this social isolation has messed me up in the head.

I have trouble w employment too Bc of my years of mental illness. I’m a little older than you and female and I’ve also been in abusive relationships w men. Have you tried any temp agencies to find work? I’m here for you if you want someone to talk to. Do you have access to treatment right now?

Thank you t3ddy ❤️ I used to work as a temp but I haven’t tried since I’ve been back. Perhaps I’ll give it a try or get a part time job. My boyfriend tries to break up with me after every fight and he explained to me his grudge and resentment will never go away and he can’t help it, he’s turned into a monster. He said his ex was on a different level and he compared me because of the behavioral difference. I didn’t mean to do anything. I was self destructing and would lash out drunk. He told me the opposite a few days ago, that he loves me and is getting his visa to visit the US next month, and then one little thing will set him off, I’ll get anxious and text him begging, then he says I told u many times I don’t want this relationship anymore something is dead inside me. He was ready to marry me before me breakdowns. I’m so devastated. Waiting for him to cool down is like the biggest anxiety. His comments when he’s mad feel like a knife in my chest, but the love we had before the problems was so beautiful, so I stay hoping to get that guy back. He’s so resentful.

Is he unstable mentally and or emotionally?

No he’s never had any problems mentally, his father is a Supreme Court judge in Egypt and he has a whole life there for himself like a king. He was the most calm person and even after the worst fight he’s able to fall asleep in two seconds. He says I’ve bought out the worst in him and he’s even treating his friends how he’s treating me now.

It sounds like he has some issues... I know this is totally an outside limited perspective but it sounds like he is blaming you for his personal issues. How could you possibly be responsible for bringing out the worst in him? You are not responsible for his behavior

I think it’s because he’s middle eastern but I don’t know. I’m american but Turkish so I’m used to middle eastern background, but I’m still westernized. They are big on respect. He said no other girl disrespected him like me. He’s never dated an American before me either but he’s dated brits. And I’m a New Yorker so I’m loud and obnoxious. I guess he picked his worst nightmare lol I know everyone is responsible for their actions so I know he’s just lashing out and blaming me. I can’t convince him otherwise. He told me to get a job and keep busy instead of moping around so he sees a change and then I’ll deserve respect and his love. He has no compassion for my mental health issues he has tough love and says life is hard. I guess if I ever want to confess to him I can’t for that reason which will help my ocd in a sense.