I’m so worried that I’ll never get married or be in a relationship because I’ve always pushed guys I was seeing away right before we’ve committed. Growing up this was always a constant thing, I’d like a guy, we’d have a good time together then I’d get scared, feel overwhelmed and trapped and start comparing him to what I “want” and if he met everything on my “checklist” and then push him away. I really liked these guys too and then I’d be so mean to them just because I wanted them out of my life cause I was just so overwhelmed and trapped. I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing, I thought I was just picky and then I thought I couldn’t receive love and then I thought I was aromantic and then asexual, but it wasn’t true because I did like being sexual with guys I really liked and I do like affection. It makes sense that this is ROCD because I’ve always had ocd tendencies and control issues. Does anybody else with ROCD just very hesitant about even getting in a relationship because they fear they’re stuck with someone forever and then start nit picking and then get turned off and then start to question everything??? I once talked to a guy who used the wrong “youre” and got scared and almost stopped talking to him fully. And the only relief when I feel overwhelmed is just being alone like I love being alone but I’m so sad because I want a boyfriend but feel I’m just not capable of loving and being loved. I guess now that I have a name to it I can work on it.

I’ve reached a breaking point and people seem to be noticing. A week ago somebody had moved something at work on my desk and it bothered me so much it sent me into a breakdown. Like I’ve always had ocd and the more I think about it I feel like I’ve always had ROCD because growing up I’d have such strong feelings for boys and then as soon as I was about to date them, cut them off because in my head I was scared they would have to settle. Like I’d purposely find something I don’t like about them and then get scared I’d have to spend my life with them. I was 15, why would I be marrying them??? in my head it made sense though. Every connection I had with a boy was alway ruined with these thoughts. I’d be out on a date and then see another cute boy and then be like wow do I really want to go any further with the guy I’m on a date with if there are so many other guys out there??? How do I know they’re the one?? I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing but it makes sense that I’ve had it all my life right?? I always passed it off as being really picky but now it just seems like ROCD. And then my family really honing in on my relationships and asking when I’d get a boyfriend really fucked with me. In my head I’d be like “I’ll get one when I find the right one” but to them I always had a feeling they thought I was just gay. Like I’d get so defensive like hello I’m just picky!!! Then everyone at work started asking and the more they’d ask the more I’d start to worry. I’d be more cautious of the way I’d dress and things I’d do and I’m starting to think that all that started to build up and now I have HOCD. Does that seem like a possibility to anyone? because now the intrusive thoughts are just “what if you’re not picky and you’re just gay?” but then I think back to all the times and all the feelings I’ve had for so many guys that got ruined because of my fears of commitment. Could it have been ROCD all along?

Hey guys, I’m new here but I’m already loving this supportive app. I have been with my boyfriend who is so sweet and amazing for 4 years now, but about 3 months in I started feeling like I was settling or that something was not right because I did not have the same sparks that I did with previous not so great boyfriends. I would talk with him about my thoughts and feelings and he would talk me down and say spot on things that addressed what I was thinking/feeling without even knowing he was doing so, and things would go back to normal for a while. Every few months I would freak out due to an “inner feeling” and feel disabled in my body and thoughts- heavy anxiety, depression, comparison, nit-picking, constantly googling relationship articles, talking to friends and so on. Every article, friend, and even my therapist at the time would say “maybe he’s just not the one for you and your body is letting you know, or maybe you’re looking for permission to break up with him.” So then I would become obsessive over that thought. Finally, a few months ago I came across the term “ROCD” and it pin pointed all of my thoughts and actions that I’ve been struggling with for 4 years. I didn’t believe it at first, thinking that the ROCD is a new thing for me, but after thinking on past events in my life I figured out that I’ve had always had different forms of OCD, and I actually have experienced ROCD before too. Anyway, all of that to say, today I am experiencing the thoughts again. “Is he attractive enough, or am I attracted to him?” “What if there is someone who could better suit me?” “Could I live with him forever (he’s so great)?” “Sometimes great people in a great relationship just aren’t meant to be. Is that my relationship?” “Am I really in love with him?” Etc... Two weeks ago I literally skipped all of my classes one day because I was googling articles. I’m ashamed of it. Am I alone in this or can someone else relate? Sorry for the super long post! Just wanted to give some background info! Thanks in advance for any help!!!

This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.