- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yea I mean I can explain what I try to do everyday, but it won’t be much different from what I’ve said before! Something I think you should understand is what recovery looks like. It’s not a ‘flip-switch’ where you breathe a sigh of relief cause you are finally sure of what you are. It’s (in my experience and opinion) a change of relationship to your thoughts, feelings, ideas. Understanding that HAVING them, doesn’t make them law, doesn’t make them YOUR truth. This takes so much discipline that I know is hard at a young age- I know! You just want someone to tell you it’s all okay. But YOU have to be the big girl and decide to not succumb and have to ‘fix’ every thought you have. You have to be still and quiet the part of you that wants to understand EVERY idea. You have to say “here I choose to be still. I FEEL scared and worried, and really want to clarify what this could possibly mean, but I need to understand that my brain is addicted to that. I need to quit this addiction.” You’re brain is currently convinced that the only times that you are okay, is when you are sure and confident. You need to start convincing your brain that in times of confusion, fuzziness, lack of clarity- you are STILL okay. You don’t have to KNOW everything is okay, for it to still be okay. We can talk on insta more if you want!!❤️
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@idont241 It’s not something that’s going to go away magically on its own forever. We gotta let it be next to us, exist, while we reach for everything we want. We have to let exist, but not influence our decisions and actions. I’m still scared a lot, but just because we’re scared does not mean there’s something to ACTUALLY be scared of- ya know?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Let it exist in its ‘real-ness’, and don’t touch it! When you get the thoughts and feelings and urges say- “be still, don’t fix”. Breathe through the triggers and then move right on!! Release the velcro before it gets stuck all the way!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Oh my gosh, this is me to a T. I’m on tinder right now because I want to DO something about the fact that I want an boyfriend, but I never follow through with dates cause I get so scared or uninterested so quickly. This one guy said ‘sense’ when he meant ‘since’ and that literally almost ruined it for me??♀️ ugh! It’s like I’m looking to sabotage myself with this perfect guy I have in my head. No one is going to measure up to that! I don’t know how to stop doing this.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Literally!!! Within the last year I wanted to make an active decision where I would face my fears about relationships but I literally get so tired going on dates and being disappointed everytime. I’m on tinder too! But lately I’m just so tired of using it and meeting them and then hating them because of myself.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Leah- did you ever have hocd? If so, if I am so glad you are feeling better!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
My first ‘boyfriend’ said he loved me after three weeks and was talking about our wedding and children and I literally got SOO turned off and felt so trapped as well, but I was too afraid to break up with him (until he cheated on me haha).
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Ugh i totally understand you @trying2!! And yes @idont241!! I totally still do but I’m doing my best to work on it! Hard as hell
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. I deleted Instagram for now since it’s pride month and extremely triggering but I’ll definitely try to remember that. Thank you
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Of course!! Sorry @trying2, I kinda strayed from your original post, but what you described is a huge huge problem for me as well right now. I would love to chat about it on Snapchat or something if you want to as well! No worries if you don’t though:)
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Aw I’m glad:) and okay, I’ll add you and then you can delete your post!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I did that too. I am still young so it actually has been only one guy. But I am really scared I am never going to find a guy or love a guy. I don’t want women. So it feels like because I won’t find a guy, I’ll prefer women or something. I am seriously so confused and anxious right now
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I am so glad! I am so stuck. I feel like absolute trash. I have no reason to think this but it feels so real. Ughhhh
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yep. I get the thought “why are you scared?” And it makes me feel like I actually want this to happen. Like it makes it feel more real. If you have time, I am not trying to push you or anything, it’s completely fine if you don’t, I would really love if you could tell me ways on how to beat this. You have my Instagram (I am in the NOCD group chat. Isabella here) I would really love That. You are so wise and you know soo much. It’s completely fine if you don’t. I won’t get upset or anything because it’s completely your choice
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Added you!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w ago
I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?
- Date posted
- 12w ago
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
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