- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Yea I mean I can explain what I try to do everyday, but it won’t be much different from what I’ve said before! Something I think you should understand is what recovery looks like. It’s not a ‘flip-switch’ where you breathe a sigh of relief cause you are finally sure of what you are. It’s (in my experience and opinion) a change of relationship to your thoughts, feelings, ideas. Understanding that HAVING them, doesn’t make them law, doesn’t make them YOUR truth. This takes so much discipline that I know is hard at a young age- I know! You just want someone to tell you it’s all okay. But YOU have to be the big girl and decide to not succumb and have to ‘fix’ every thought you have. You have to be still and quiet the part of you that wants to understand EVERY idea. You have to say “here I choose to be still. I FEEL scared and worried, and really want to clarify what this could possibly mean, but I need to understand that my brain is addicted to that. I need to quit this addiction.” You’re brain is currently convinced that the only times that you are okay, is when you are sure and confident. You need to start convincing your brain that in times of confusion, fuzziness, lack of clarity- you are STILL okay. You don’t have to KNOW everything is okay, for it to still be okay. We can talk on insta more if you want!!❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
@idont241 It’s not something that’s going to go away magically on its own forever. We gotta let it be next to us, exist, while we reach for everything we want. We have to let exist, but not influence our decisions and actions. I’m still scared a lot, but just because we’re scared does not mean there’s something to ACTUALLY be scared of- ya know?
- Date posted
- 6y
Let it exist in its ‘real-ness’, and don’t touch it! When you get the thoughts and feelings and urges say- “be still, don’t fix”. Breathe through the triggers and then move right on!! Release the velcro before it gets stuck all the way!
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh my gosh, this is me to a T. I’m on tinder right now because I want to DO something about the fact that I want an boyfriend, but I never follow through with dates cause I get so scared or uninterested so quickly. This one guy said ‘sense’ when he meant ‘since’ and that literally almost ruined it for me??♀️ ugh! It’s like I’m looking to sabotage myself with this perfect guy I have in my head. No one is going to measure up to that! I don’t know how to stop doing this.
- Date posted
- 6y
Literally!!! Within the last year I wanted to make an active decision where I would face my fears about relationships but I literally get so tired going on dates and being disappointed everytime. I’m on tinder too! But lately I’m just so tired of using it and meeting them and then hating them because of myself.
- Date posted
- 6y
My first ‘boyfriend’ said he loved me after three weeks and was talking about our wedding and children and I literally got SOO turned off and felt so trapped as well, but I was too afraid to break up with him (until he cheated on me haha).
- Date posted
- 6y
Ugh i totally understand you @trying2!! And yes @idont241!! I totally still do but I’m doing my best to work on it! Hard as hell
- Date posted
- 6y
Of course!! Sorry @trying2, I kinda strayed from your original post, but what you described is a huge huge problem for me as well right now. I would love to chat about it on Snapchat or something if you want to as well! No worries if you don’t though:)
- Date posted
- 6y
Aw I’m glad:) and okay, I’ll add you and then you can delete your post!
- Date posted
- 6y
Added you!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt
- Date posted
- 20w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
- Date posted
- 11w
My trauma has always prevented me from pursuing a romantic relationship, I’ve always been super terrified of pursuing something with someone for just about every reason I could conjure up. Now, I’ve met someone and I’ve tried so, so hard to push away all those anxieties to make it work; but I feel like the more involved I get, I become more scared and I dwell on more things that may be signs that our “relationship” should end. I keep thinking over and over that I’m not good enough for them, I might be their “target,” they’re not right for me, our feelings are not mutual, it couldn’t work out between us, my friends and family would not approve, I’m not ready for it, etc. Recently, I tried to break things off with them because they were too tall for me. I started sobbing because I was scared that I was being and awful person and I had completely screwed everything up between us. I wanna know if this sounds like ROCD ? I always had a hunch that I could have, but I had never gotten far enough into a relationship to find out. Please feel free to ask me any clarifying questions. Right now I’m probably not making much sense haha.
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