- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Yea I mean I can explain what I try to do everyday, but it won’t be much different from what I’ve said before! Something I think you should understand is what recovery looks like. It’s not a ‘flip-switch’ where you breathe a sigh of relief cause you are finally sure of what you are. It’s (in my experience and opinion) a change of relationship to your thoughts, feelings, ideas. Understanding that HAVING them, doesn’t make them law, doesn’t make them YOUR truth. This takes so much discipline that I know is hard at a young age- I know! You just want someone to tell you it’s all okay. But YOU have to be the big girl and decide to not succumb and have to ‘fix’ every thought you have. You have to be still and quiet the part of you that wants to understand EVERY idea. You have to say “here I choose to be still. I FEEL scared and worried, and really want to clarify what this could possibly mean, but I need to understand that my brain is addicted to that. I need to quit this addiction.” You’re brain is currently convinced that the only times that you are okay, is when you are sure and confident. You need to start convincing your brain that in times of confusion, fuzziness, lack of clarity- you are STILL okay. You don’t have to KNOW everything is okay, for it to still be okay. We can talk on insta more if you want!!❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
@idont241 It’s not something that’s going to go away magically on its own forever. We gotta let it be next to us, exist, while we reach for everything we want. We have to let exist, but not influence our decisions and actions. I’m still scared a lot, but just because we’re scared does not mean there’s something to ACTUALLY be scared of- ya know?
- Date posted
- 6y
Let it exist in its ‘real-ness’, and don’t touch it! When you get the thoughts and feelings and urges say- “be still, don’t fix”. Breathe through the triggers and then move right on!! Release the velcro before it gets stuck all the way!
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh my gosh, this is me to a T. I’m on tinder right now because I want to DO something about the fact that I want an boyfriend, but I never follow through with dates cause I get so scared or uninterested so quickly. This one guy said ‘sense’ when he meant ‘since’ and that literally almost ruined it for me??♀️ ugh! It’s like I’m looking to sabotage myself with this perfect guy I have in my head. No one is going to measure up to that! I don’t know how to stop doing this.
- Date posted
- 6y
Literally!!! Within the last year I wanted to make an active decision where I would face my fears about relationships but I literally get so tired going on dates and being disappointed everytime. I’m on tinder too! But lately I’m just so tired of using it and meeting them and then hating them because of myself.
- Date posted
- 6y
My first ‘boyfriend’ said he loved me after three weeks and was talking about our wedding and children and I literally got SOO turned off and felt so trapped as well, but I was too afraid to break up with him (until he cheated on me haha).
- Date posted
- 6y
Ugh i totally understand you @trying2!! And yes @idont241!! I totally still do but I’m doing my best to work on it! Hard as hell
- Date posted
- 6y
Of course!! Sorry @trying2, I kinda strayed from your original post, but what you described is a huge huge problem for me as well right now. I would love to chat about it on Snapchat or something if you want to as well! No worries if you don’t though:)
- Date posted
- 6y
Aw I’m glad:) and okay, I’ll add you and then you can delete your post!
- Date posted
- 6y
Added you!
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
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