It’s my bday, and ocd is rampant

I’ve been dealing with a backdoor spike the past couple months. I’m trying to be patient with myself, but I’m so upset I just want to cry. I was doing really good, but now this obsession plagues me all day. It hits me first thing in the morning and I hate waking up. I know how to do ERP, but for whatever reason, it’s SO much harder to spot and resist compulsions for this new obsession! Please don’t give me reassurance, but yeah, has anyone overcome a backdoor spike that lasted this long? It’s made my depression worse. I want to cry right now. It’s my brother’s birthday and I’m just so upset and on edge due to this discomfort. 😢

It's my 28 birthday and my intrusions have been getting the worst of me today. I feel like I'm losing my mind and for what, another year around the globe losing my mind? Today was supposed to be a good day and I can't help but fester on my intrusive thoughts. I honestly hate life right now and it feels like I was born just to feel this pain that won't go away. I'm sorry is so depressing of a post I just need to let it out.

I’ve had a really hard day, and OCD has convinced me my bed isn’t safe. My bed is my comfort spot so this is the worst place it could hit me. I have fear of paranormal contamination and bad luck/curses/haunting. Today was the birthday of someone who OCD believes to be paranormally contaminated. I was in the lounge and thought I saw a white cloudy thing out the corner of my eye but couldn’t see it when I looked again. It’s likely it was smoke or a reflection in my glasses but I couldn’t figure it out. I had a shower but got back into bed wearing the same clothes I was wearing when it happened. OCD is telling me that a ghost related to the paranormally contaminated person (because of their birthday) was in my house and has clung to my clothes so is therefore in my bed and will now cause all of the things I’m afraid of to happen to me whenever I use my bed. I wish i didn’t get into my bed but I was trying to fight it - it’s so hard to fight it when you then end up in a huge spell of rumination and planning of compulsions to alleviate the stress. I know I shouldn’t give in but I’m so afraid. All I want is a new bed but it’s not like you can just go and buy a new bed every time OCD tells you. I’m so tired of being scared that bad things are going to happen to me, and this feels like the lowest blow it could’ve dealt me. I just needed to get it off my chest to someone who understands, so if you read this - thank you.