Intrusive thoughts/depression/anxiety

I suffer from intrusive thoughts, I think I may have HARM OCD. My therapist diagnosed me with anxiety and depression but not OCD because I never told her about my thoughts. I’m afraid of being around vulnerable people, and I’m afraid for going insane. The thought of it makes me want to throw up, this all started about a week ago, and I haven’t been able to eat since then. I don’t even want to go out because I’m in constant fear. I tell myself “what if I snap?” or “what if I’m a sociopath?” I have told my parents about it and even my significant other and they tell me “you wouldn’t even hurt a fly” I kind of feel relieved after that but not for long. I’ve been trying to get closer to god, I’ve been praying, meditating, I even took magnesium because I want to stop having these thoughts. I did go to therapy right away but I wasn’t completely honest to her due to fear. I’ve been feeling numb. I love my family.. so why am I afraid I might hurt them?

Hi, I downloaded this app on a whim and I realized I might have harm ocd. I thought it was my depression getting to me this whole time. Here's the pattern I've noticed. After a really good day or weekend when I've become very happy, I'll start to get intrusive thoughts about people insulting or slighting me in some way and me killing them to punish them. As the days go by the length of the intrusions increases dramatically, so that I'm spacing out for hours about graphic murder and suicide scenes that are very disturbing. They will end in one of two ways. The first is I will think to myself that I would actually do these things because I must, and then do a 180 and cry about how I don't want to hurt anyone or become a terrible person. The second is that my fury and wrath within the imagined scenario will become so intense that it's like an orgasm of rage jolts me awake, and then I become very upset about what kind of thoughts I was having and the fact that they completely stole all of my attention. Sometimes I find that I have been pacing or even running back and forth, because of all that fight or flight adrenaline that got worked up. By the end of the week I'm feeling deeply depressed if not suicidal. Because of the pattern that has emerged, it feels like my brain just won't allow me to enjoy life, like it has to sabotage me everytime I actually enjoy living, and I'm even starting to feel dread during happy times because happiness has come to mean the beginning of another emotional storm. Does this sound familiar to any of you? I'm not diagnosed with ocd, and I wanted to wait until I get a better job at the end of summer before I start visiting a psychiatrist. This app tells me to let those murder thoughts come. That seems outrageous to me. I don't want to think about killing people MORE. I thought about writing graphic lyrics and putting it to music in my band, but I worry that would be a selfish way to cope because then I would be planting those desires in people who might actually do them. I'm sure this got long so thanks if you read all this.

I just had my first apt with my therapist. This came on very suddenly, almost overnight, for me and it’s causing me so much distress. I have been reading and I know that the brain sends thoughts the more you try to resist them. But I’m scared. I’m 46 and I never knew I had OCD tendencies and this literally happened overnight and now the harm thoughts are constant, all day, every day, and I feel like I’m going crazy. My life has been turned upside down. Does anyone else have the harm thoughts that are constant and involve many things/people?