Gave into a compulsion….

I had a really good day yesterday because I was able to manage my thoughts and identify them as intrusive. I had little to no anxiety and actually felt pretty stable throughout the day. Then, I went to sleep last night and had a triggering dream that I cheated on my girlfriend. I would never do that :( I hate these thoughts. If the thoughts involve my girlfriend, I feel like I have to tell her…..any advice on this? I ended up telling her and she said that I’m telling her to feel less guilty in the moment but at the expense of her feelings. This made me feel terrible 😞. The last thing I want to do is hurt her but I just feel like such a bad person having these thoughts. Please help if you have any advice 😕

Username: SamsmycatSamsmycat

Date posted: 1y ago

I think the first thing you should do is forgive yourself for acting in response to a scary dream. 8( You caught yourself doing the compulsion, and you should be proud of that! The best thing you can probably do from here on is try to keep resisting-- by relaxing & trusting yourself more.

Username: Jeffrey Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I am sorry that your ocd is acting out. I will say this - confessing is a compulsion and will make ocd stronger. OCD wants you to believe that you need to confess to feel better - and that is a lie. Having thoughts does not make anyone a bad person. Everyone has intrusive thoughts- those of us with OCD give these thoughts way too much meaning - through no fault of our own. We cannot control these thoughts - the only thing we are able to control is our response. That os where ERP is so helpful. ERP teaches us to sit with uncertainty- to accept uncertainty. Here is the thing - ocd wants something we can never have - certainty. Perhaps when the intrusive thought comes in you address it with maybe I did this and maybe I didn’t. Remind yourself that you are going to live by your values and not your fears. And you know what your values are - so when you have intrusive thoughts - Assume it is ocd and move On. The ick you feel may not go away but in time you learn that you can live with the thoughts without compulsing - most of the time. Most importantly - be kind to yourself - have compassion for yourself. Ocd is not easy to live with - And we all compile from time to time - and that it is okay. When we catch it - we stop. But we cannot do this perfectly every time.

Username: Dani#Dani#

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey, I've also been struggling with intrusive thoughts. It is really, really distressing and disturbing. It is understandable that you feel guilt over these thoughts and want to be honest with your girlfriend. One of the things which I've come across is to label these thoughts as exactly what they are...they are Intrusive. They are irrational and false. They are not reality. The more emphasis we put onto worrying about these thoughts, the more momentum we give them and the more likely they are to reoccur. But if we resist the urge to engage or respond to them, they will automatically have less power over us. In time with practice they may just become mere frivolous thoughts and will not cause us as much, if any anxiety. Hope this helps 🙏🏻

Username: gray1gray1

Date posted: 1y ago

@Dani# Thank you so much for your advice. I really really appreciate it. It’s nice not to feel alone in this.

Username: nervousbeansnervousbeans

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi there! I literally woke up in a sweat and in tears from an intrusive dream, similar to yours. I know exactly how you’re feeling. You feel upset, anxious, guilty, ashamed, isolated and even angry (at least I do). Not sure if you are Christian, but what helps (sometimes) me is leaving it to God. It’s pretty much the same as not giving the thoughts/dreams the attention they seek. You acknowledge they’re there and do nothing beyond that… even if it means stopping yourself from confessing. I KNOW it’s hard. Trust me, I cried for 2 hours straight because of it. You leave the thoughts there because there’s no real threat present. >>IF<< they turn into a real threat, then you’ll go from there. Does that make any sense? I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I understand your pain. I wish I could make this horrendous condition go away for all of us. Many blessings!

Username: gray1gray1

Date posted: 1y ago

@nervousbeans Hey, thank you so much for your advice. This is extremely helpful. And I understand what you’re saying about them actually turning into a real threat then going from there. I’ve heard that people with OCD tend to be the most courageous and caring people in the world. That’s nice to know but it’s like we care too much, ugh! Hoping that your day gets better as it goes on and I’m always here to talk if you need anyone too! It’s nice to be able to relate to someone…these thoughts don’t define us!

Username: Nick17Nick17

Date posted: 1y ago

@nervousbeans I have a question. So I am a Christian and I started getting deeper into him around the exact time this ocd hit me. My dad who’s also a Christian told me that it’s the devil attacking me bc I’m leaving him and going to God and he doesn’t want that. But I need guidance on how to give it to God. Sometimes it makes me cry bc I think of how he died for me for us and that I don’t deserve it and I’ve done stuff and I’ve thought of stuff and he still loves me and forgives me thru it all. It knock me silly

Username: leahhhhleahhhh

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

This happened to me last week two nights in a row. I felt like I HAD to confess to my bf- he didn’t care. He knew they were anxiety /ocd dreams❤️

Username: gray1gray1

Date posted: 1y ago

@leahhhh Ugh, did you feel better after confessing? I know it helps in the moment but then can make it worse in the future :/.

Username: Anonymous444444

Date posted: 2y ago

What should I tell her?

I know we can't ask for reassurance, but I need some opinions from others who understand OCD :( When my gf and I had just gone official, I had another friend who I was close with that I think had feelings for me. When I was drunk one night I called her after she left to pick me up and go to her apartment. My friend told me it was just to keep drinking because my roommate had gone to sleep in the living room, but I was so drunk I can't fully remember and feel I was making the call to fool around. Another time a few weeks later we squeezed hands while very drunk again. I've since stopped drinking and hanging out with this person, and even told my gf what happened. However I didn't go into detail about the fact that I think I might have been trying to cheat or had slightly developed feelings, just told her I felt like I had cheated by making that call at all. She took it really well but I don't feel she understands the severity, and thinks it was mostly the other girl making advances. It scares me so much because I did kiss another girl during my previous relationship yeears ago in college (my current gf doesn't know about this), so I'm scared I'm doing bad again. I feel like I need to confess and fully explain what exactly I'm worried about, and that I think the only thing that stopped me from actually cheating is that she didn't pick me up, but at this point I'm not sure if that's a compulsion or not. How do I know? Do I just confess again? I've confessed multiple times to her and it's def put a strain on things :(

Username: sofiarenee

Date posted: 1y ago

relationship ocd. so tired.

so back in july i made a mistake of going behind my partner’s back and hanging out with an old guy friend (who i had a romantic past with) and while i was hanging out with him i had a great time but man my thoughts were going crazy. i found him attractive, funny, etc. i’ve known him for years and everytime we would talk i felt there was some type of tension. like romantic or something. well i felt it again when we hung out and immediately regretted it because i know i love my boyfriend a lot and i felt like a horrible person for doing something like that. i couldn’t hide it from him any longer than i did (not even 3 days) so i told him and he got really upset. at the time i didn’t know what i want, either my boyfriend or that friend. i decided to stay with my boyfriend and ever since i’ve been getting crazy intrusive thoughts about my old friend (i blocked him so i don’t have contact with him). a few months later (now) i know that i want and love my boyfriend, i don’t want to be with anyone else. but i’ve been getting so many intrusive thoughts about that guy and seeing certain posts just remind me of him even when i don’t want them to. then my brain starts to spiral - ‘what if you actually want to be with him instead and you’re just in denial right now’ or something like ‘you dont love your boyfriend, if you did you wouldnt be having these thoughts’ and i’m just so..drained. i’m so tired of thinking about this guy, i seriously don’t want to think about him. i just want to be happy with my boyfriend. i keep telling myself i know what i want, because i do. i want to be with my bf and i want to be happy with him…i love him so much. but my brain just tries to tell me otherwise. i know i messed up and i’m paying the price for it. maybe i do deserve this. i just wish i could erase everything, my past, etc. and just move on. my boyfriend doesn’t hold what i did against me but he’s well aware of what happened and i know how it made him feel. i would do anything to take it back because he doesn’t deserve that, he never did. and i seriously want to be better for him. but these constant thoughts i get are always getting in the way and almost making me feel hopeless. i haven’t told my bf about these thoughts because i’m worried he would take it the wrong way. i really don’t think i should tell him because i know for a fact it would send us both down a spiral and i don’t want that. but, ocd will always try to get what it wants. anyone else going through something similar? some common humanity would probably ease my mind a bit. (in a non-compulsive way. or maybe this is a compulsion. idk.)

Relationship OCD

Username: user795224690

Date posted: 36w ago

How i’m feeling today

I’m not feeling too well today because these intrusive thoughts in my head keep cycling and cycling even though I don’t want to have these thoughts and I want them to go away. My girlfriend is getting so tired of having to hear what girl I thought abt and what situation i’m reflecting on even though I don’t even mean to be thinking those things. I feel so guilty and horrible these things come into my brain. I don’t want to think things about other women, my girlfriend is amazing and is very patient and has been so patient ever since i’ve been having obscure or other thoughts about women wether it be just a thought or even sexually. It’s not on purpose. It just keeps happening and I can’t explain how my brain keeps doing it. I just came across so much research about Pure O Ocd and I think I have that. I’m very new to this but my twin brother also has OCD and Bipolar and I feel as though i’m the same way. I’m so tired of having unwanted thoughts come into my head. I feel so upset and hurt knowing I have to tell my girlfriend exactly what it is that came into my head. I feel like a failure.

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Gave into a compulsion….

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