- Date posted
- 2y ago
Need someone to connect with on ROCD
If anyone is willing to connect with me on ROCD, I’d greatly appreciate it! Having a tough time.
If anyone is willing to connect with me on ROCD, I’d greatly appreciate it! Having a tough time.
Hi there! How are you? ROCD is very painful so I’m sorry you’re going through that! What’s going on?
@hellopeople Hi, thanks for your response. I really appreciate it. I’ve been having a lot of ROCD lately and my mind will tell me to look at a person. It usually tells me to do it 2-4 times (a number that’s always even). Anyways, today I did that and my brain kept telling me that I was staring because I thought the person was attractive or something. But I really was staring because my mind was telling me to, ugh! Then as I was staring, the person realized I was and made eye contact with me. It made me feel like such a bad person and that I wasn’t loyal to my partner for looking. I don’t know if this sounds crazy but I think it’s OCD.
@gray1 Oh that’s not a fun situation, I’m sorry. Checking to see if attracted to others can be an ocd compulsion. Often when there is an intrusive thought like our brain telling us to look at someone, there may be a fear behind it, try to challenge that fear, maybe the fear is of cheating on your partner, what will happen in that happens? Who says you’ll do that? Maybe you will, but maybe not! What do YOU want to do?
@hellopeople I think you’re right. Is cheating OCD a thing? This type of OCD that I have where it tells me to look at people tends to happen at least once every day & it’s almost always a new person. I definitely DONT want to cheat on my partner, I would never do that. It’s a huge fear for me.
@gray1 The fear of cheating can be part of ROCD! I think it’s wonderful you know what you want! All we have to do is act in line with what we want, if you don’t want to cheat, you don’t have to check by looking at people! And looking at people can be just that! Just looking, and it doesn’t mean anything at all 😊
Hi Gray, I’m having an hard time with ROCD too. What’s going? How are you?
@il4ria Hi Ils, thank you for your response. I posted what’s going on in response to hellopeople on the thread. I’m okay for now, trying to tell myself it’s just OCD. How are you? What has been happening for you with ROCD?
@gray1 Just read what you wrote, I’m really sorry :( always remember you’re not a bad person for giving in to compulsions. As for me, in the last couple of days I’ve been obsessing over the thought of not really loving my boyfriend and the one of my relationship ending, it gets though
@il4ria I’m so sorry to hear that. Have you expressed that you have OCD to your partner? I never know what to share and what not to because sometimes I think telling can be a compulsion. Idk tho im still learning.
@gray1 yeah, I completely get that! Honestly idk, I shared my thoughts and fears with my boyfriend months ago, before I got diagnosed (even if I was already pretty sure I was suffering from ocd), I’m pretty sure I was compulsing back then. Now though I’d like to talk to him about it so that he can understand my “bad days” better, still afraid of compulsing though. I’ll think about it
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.
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