- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
i never answered to my thoughts. i genuinely just lived with the pain until one day it just didn’t affect me like it used to. i stopped using this app for a little while just bc i knew i was seeking reassurance on it. i stopped going on forums. if i ever thought a girl was pretty and my brain said it’s bc i was a lesbian, i just said okay and continued on w my day. i accepted every little thing that came with it and trust me it was really hard to do but i didn’t know what else to do.
I’m kind of like that but not all the way there, some days it’s always there other days it isn’t there. What are some things you did?? I just want to see if I’ve been doing things correctly!
Ok so I do some of that stuff, I deleted this app for like a week and started feeling better. Seeking reassurance is my main compulsion. Forums make everything worse for me. I try to accept the thoughts but it almost feels like I’m accepting that I’m a lesbian and I’m scared to do that! I know I need to do it but it’s reallyyyy hard
yes it’s so super hard. I’m scared of not having anxiety, it’s so weird. And it’s so hard to accept the thoughts bc my mind likes to taunt me and just respond to it when I’m trying to not respond. Super aggravating.
I had it four years ago and it completely went away until it spiked a month ago...it does go away 100% you just gotta push
how is it affecting you now that it’s back D:^
Now that it’s back...I’ve dealt with it before I have a psychologist that has known me since I was 3 and she watched me grow up through puberty...so she helps me very much because she knows the possibility of me being a lesbian or bisexual isn’t possible. She’s helped me through heart break from boys...she’s seen my excitement when I’m excited from new ones. She’s seen the disgust from all of my obsessions from ROCD to HOCD to brief TOCD...she knows me. She understand the irrationality of OCD she is a specialist. I don’t know how to describe the stage of recovery in which I am in, I wake up with the thoughts...I get up move around go grab some tea...I feel fine. I feel straight. Then I remember...HOCD I have that and of course that brings on all the thoughts, the thoughts are becoming less and less everyday. The problem with hocd recovery is that the further you progress, the less you can tell what is hocd and what is not, until you break the hocd cycle. You see, I feel great I often times laugh that I even have hocd when I am not obsessing, then I somehow get back into the rut and I obsess again. And it feels so damn real. The positive thing though is that everyday I feel a little bit better. I feel more myself for longer. Except rn rn it hurts it’s here I’m trying to work through it but it still stabs my heart every time. I know these thoughts aren’t real, this reel of scenarios my mind plays. I know that, but I don’t know that. BOTTOM LINE, OCD DOESNT KNOW LOGIC, IT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND, THE ONLY WAY YOURE EVER GOING TO GET BETTER IS TO AGREE, IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SICK AND DEAD AND GAY AND IT WILL NOT FEEL LIKE YOU, BUT YOU HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH THE DISCOMFORT IF YOU WANT YOUR LIFE BACK. LET ME TELL YOU WHAT, NO ONES LIFE IS POINTLESS ENOUGH TO BE LOST TO OCD. SO FIGHT IT BY AGREEING.
I know this is really late , but what if the anxiety for these thoughts leave ? Is it still HOCD?
I went to my therapist last monday and... wow I feel so good these last days. The more I talk with her about hocd, the best I feel. And the less Im thinking about this. I mean. Is still there, but it doesn't disturb me like before. I don't need to make a compulsion about it. And sometimes I have relapses and I'm going to have them in the future too because Im not perfect, but I really feel less anxiety than before. Im starting to feel like before, like who I am. Like the world is not ending and even if I am angry or frustrated sometimes because I have doubts or I don't know what is going to happen... you know, I'll be okay.
Don’t know if this is a part of ocd recovery or what but my hocd thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore. Sometimes it feels like this tapped into my feelings. I don’t know how to explain it. Like when I get the thoughts now my mind is like “you’ve always been like that” but I feel no anxiety. I’m also regaining some attraction for the opposite sex and that feels great but at the same time my mind says I’m lying to myself and I get this weird feeling in my chest. Idk what this is.
How have you guys dealt with your stickiest / most long lasting theme? For me this is HOCD; I had other themes popping up in the last few months but I was able to get past them quite quickly with acceptance and a sort of shrugging manner, like ‘the probability of this happening isn’t enough for me to waste my time obsessing over’. However HOCD has always been different, it was what started my ocd and what I obsessed over for a year before discovering I had this disorder, and it often feels like when I decide not to obsess over it, I’m just sweeping the issue under the rug and not thinking about it. I’m better with a lot of the triggers but the big ones, like ‘comphet’ and my relationship nerves, are so hard to ignore. A part of me is always saying ‘you’re just ignoring this, you shouldn’t be!’. This is always been the theme where I find it so hard to distance myself from the content and look at it from an ocd perspective because when something relates to your identity say, I find it harder to ignore than obsessions about health or existentialism for example.
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