- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I see. Well it’s good you’re fully aware of the compulsion. That’s the first step! Next it’s time to resist it. You’re setting yourself up with an impossible and inaccurate test that your body is bound to fail and your mind will never be satisfied with. Go on instagram or something else triggering and resist the compulsion again and again. Sit with whatever anxiety that causes and accept the uncertainty.
- Date posted
- 6y
If you watched it and liked it you’d simply like watching gay porn. And that’s okay. You could still like guys.
- Date posted
- 6y
I understand the anxiety. I suffered from HOCD too. But the reason it feels like such a big deal is because you worry about it like it’s a big deal. If you just looked at it like a thing you sometimes enjoy and it’s no big deal, it wouldn’t be such an intrusive and unwanted thought. That’s where ERP and CBT and mindfulness come in. Let your brain know that these thoughts aren’t important. Want to enjoy gay porn? Cool. No big deal. It’s not gonna change your whole world in the way you fear it will. In fact, once it stops being a worry and really isn’t important, you may not even like it at all.
- Date posted
- 6y
Outside of checking, is it possible that you have a pornography addiction? Often addiction overlaps with feel-good neurotransmitter deficiencies like depression, anxiety, OCD, or ADHD. And certainly orgasms give you plenty of feel-good neurotransmitters. It could also be presenting as a form of self-soothing in this way. Especially if your checking always ends in orgasm. Just a thought.
- Date posted
- 6y
I think the problem is that you’re using it as a test. A really poorly designed test that you can only fail. There are two approaches to take here: learn to resist the compulsion OR go watch gay porn and masturbate and just try to enjoy it! Not as a test, but as something you actively choose and want to do. Either is valid. Both will help you deal with OCD in the long run. Both will probably create anxiety in the short term, but that’s okay. You have to let your thoughts do what they wanna do AND resist compulsions. Teach the thoughts they aren’t important, that you’re not afraid of them, and that you are ultimately in control of what you do.
- Date posted
- 6y
@pureolife I get what you’re saying, but the matter of the fact is that I know I’m not gay and if I watched porn and enjoyed it, it would only make things worse by telling me that I’m actually denial and that I don’t like boys
- Date posted
- 6y
Why do you have to touch yourself?
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s my compulsion. Like I have to make sure that I’m straight 24/7 so I have to keep touching myself to pics of girls which only makes matters worse since touching yourself is gonna turn you on no matter what you’re looking at
- Date posted
- 6y
*pornography or sex addiction
- Date posted
- 6y
@sweetpotato I wonder about this too. I watch same sex porn, and I do get aroused, but never mentally. I don't know if I reach orgasm, though. It was gradual, I'd always think: if you click here, you're bi or lesbian. See, you clicked, then you are. You're going to do these things eventually. You're going to have to tell your parents. And this freaks me out. I feel extremely gross and uncomfortable. And this confuses me so much, because I really don't want to be with a woman. Ocd tells me I'm just in denial, though. It's draining.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Lavander same exact thing for me and I hate it and during, I’m either crying, banging my head into a wall, or both
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes, it's the same thing for me. Especially when I'm in pms. Lately I've been doing great in keeping ocd at bay, but when I'm having pms, it attacks me. It's in the week prior to my period that I usually watch same sex porn, filled with anxiety and disgust. It's completely different from what I feel towards men. I always get so worried about this, though. OCD tells me and makes me feel like I'm living a lie, and this just kills me inside.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Lavandar @pureolife it’s especially bad when you’re in a relationship and while you’re having sex with your partner, all of a sudden his face morphs into random women and you hate yourself for letting your brain trick you during such intimate moments. Naturally ofc I’m already turned on Bc of my boyfriend so when my brain switches faces, I wanna throw up Bc now I’m turned on to women since I’ve already been pre-turned on
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 17w
I tried checking if I like gay stuff and it’s genuinely disgusting to me. I can tell whether or not a man is attractive and when they are it does scare me and makes me question myself yet, it’s always the same response, I don’t get how you can do that with another man. Doing anything sexual just feels so gross and wrong. I don’t think that I am magically turning gay. I don’t think my orientation is changing or hasn’t been explored. I simply find that stuff gross. I have never had anything wrong with gay people and I am a true believer that people have choices they can make with free will so it’s not that I’m homophobic, just keep that stuff away from me lol. Saying so, I don’t get why I am getting these thoughts. These images in my head, constant need of checking if I fall in the spectrum, constant checking whether I like someone of any gender, constant checking whether or not I am getting groinal responses. No matter what answer I get, my mind still wants an answer, an answer to the next question that it’ll create after answering the one before it. I have always liked girls and always been so proud of it, I am in a relationship right now with a beautiful girl I’ve had a crush on since 2nd grade. (I am 19) Whatever mental illness I have has ruined our relationship. Everything feels forced on my side, I don’t remember the joy I had before this but I have glimpse throughout the days of the things we’ve done together that makes me happy and look forward to life. I am constantly checking to see if my attraction is still there for her and the scary part is, when I am stuck in my head, I am not but, to alter that, when I get that freedom and feel like my normal self, I get a hyper amount of love for her and it feels so nice. These thoughts all began after me and my girlfriend had an argument, 5 months ago we got in an argument over her not giving me enough space. She always wanted to be a part of a plan with my male friends. I never minded her when it was just us two so it’s not that I hated being with her, it was just that I had no time to be independent. ( I also had no job and nothing going for myself. ) One odd day after spending so much time stuck in the house due to weather, I had random thought on whether or not I truly loved her. We were only 4 months into the relationship so I didn’t have an answer and since it felt like I needed an answer, it became obsessive, I couldn’t stop checking. After hours with that thought, I started to wonder whether or not I was interested in other things like K I D S. This thought was an automatic no and I began to fight it. I wasn’t going to accept that, each day felt like a living hell. The questions would change each day, do I miss my ex, was my ex better, do I like my M O M, do I want to K I L L so and so, do I want to kill myself. One day I woke up and had it all in control, felt like magic, after I watched a video on ROCD and realized, oh, I am not the only one but, this is where my compulsions got even worse. I couldn’t stop checking the internet, seeing if I relate to others, watching more videos. I regret this everyday because this compulsion created so many new thoughts and questions for me to answer. About 2-3 weeks went by and a thought passed by that has been stuck with me since along with other thoughts. I thought back to what I did as kid and in the past. I remembered a traumatic event where my brother touched me (5yr old M) inappropriately. This made me question whether or not I liked it and I couldn’t find an answer, couple years (10yr old M) after that I unfortunately did the same to my cousin (8yr old M). I feel so much shame and guilt for it. My mind turned black and white, “Maybe this isn’t a do you like your girl or not but instead, maybe you just like boys I mean, you obviously never asked yourself if you like what you did so”. This question was terrifying for me because it meant that I could no longer love my girl, my whole life till now has been a lie. So I began to question everything in my past up to date to find an answer. No matter what answer I fed my mind, it would not be satisfied and simply create more questions. It felt like my mind was forcing me to be gay, whether or not I liked it. 4 months has passed and the questions have just gotten worse, something I was initially so afraid of. I am in constant fight or flight mode, I am always anxious and I can’t feel nothing. I get times of relief when I am reminded of my past, when my gf turns me on, or when I find an answer to question my mind conjured up. I started to go to church but it’s always been a struggle for me to believe. I can’t go to the gym anymore because everywhere I look I am questioning myself. My porn addiction has went away but mostly because I can’t find anything attractive anymore. I can only find comfort and discomfort. Something that was once so easy for me would 1 day be nonexistent and hard to live without. I don’t know what the truth is anymore. My life feels like a made-up lie. Though I have always loved women, fantasized about them, get extremely nervous around them, pray for them, romanticize them, etc. I now have no idea what it feels like to be in love, interested, or even happy for a woman. My attraction hasn’t vanished completely, I still can look a girl and be stunned, l simply just can’t destroy the feeling it gives me. I get so anxious and begin to question everything about the women, the feeling, myself. I am having a crisis.
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
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