- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I see. Well it’s good you’re fully aware of the compulsion. That’s the first step! Next it’s time to resist it. You’re setting yourself up with an impossible and inaccurate test that your body is bound to fail and your mind will never be satisfied with. Go on instagram or something else triggering and resist the compulsion again and again. Sit with whatever anxiety that causes and accept the uncertainty.
- Date posted
- 6y
If you watched it and liked it you’d simply like watching gay porn. And that’s okay. You could still like guys.
- Date posted
- 6y
I understand the anxiety. I suffered from HOCD too. But the reason it feels like such a big deal is because you worry about it like it’s a big deal. If you just looked at it like a thing you sometimes enjoy and it’s no big deal, it wouldn’t be such an intrusive and unwanted thought. That’s where ERP and CBT and mindfulness come in. Let your brain know that these thoughts aren’t important. Want to enjoy gay porn? Cool. No big deal. It’s not gonna change your whole world in the way you fear it will. In fact, once it stops being a worry and really isn’t important, you may not even like it at all.
- Date posted
- 6y
Outside of checking, is it possible that you have a pornography addiction? Often addiction overlaps with feel-good neurotransmitter deficiencies like depression, anxiety, OCD, or ADHD. And certainly orgasms give you plenty of feel-good neurotransmitters. It could also be presenting as a form of self-soothing in this way. Especially if your checking always ends in orgasm. Just a thought.
- Date posted
- 6y
I think the problem is that you’re using it as a test. A really poorly designed test that you can only fail. There are two approaches to take here: learn to resist the compulsion OR go watch gay porn and masturbate and just try to enjoy it! Not as a test, but as something you actively choose and want to do. Either is valid. Both will help you deal with OCD in the long run. Both will probably create anxiety in the short term, but that’s okay. You have to let your thoughts do what they wanna do AND resist compulsions. Teach the thoughts they aren’t important, that you’re not afraid of them, and that you are ultimately in control of what you do.
- Date posted
- 6y
@pureolife I get what you’re saying, but the matter of the fact is that I know I’m not gay and if I watched porn and enjoyed it, it would only make things worse by telling me that I’m actually denial and that I don’t like boys
- Date posted
- 6y
Why do you have to touch yourself?
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s my compulsion. Like I have to make sure that I’m straight 24/7 so I have to keep touching myself to pics of girls which only makes matters worse since touching yourself is gonna turn you on no matter what you’re looking at
- Date posted
- 6y
*pornography or sex addiction
- Date posted
- 6y
@sweetpotato I wonder about this too. I watch same sex porn, and I do get aroused, but never mentally. I don't know if I reach orgasm, though. It was gradual, I'd always think: if you click here, you're bi or lesbian. See, you clicked, then you are. You're going to do these things eventually. You're going to have to tell your parents. And this freaks me out. I feel extremely gross and uncomfortable. And this confuses me so much, because I really don't want to be with a woman. Ocd tells me I'm just in denial, though. It's draining.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Lavander same exact thing for me and I hate it and during, I’m either crying, banging my head into a wall, or both
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes, it's the same thing for me. Especially when I'm in pms. Lately I've been doing great in keeping ocd at bay, but when I'm having pms, it attacks me. It's in the week prior to my period that I usually watch same sex porn, filled with anxiety and disgust. It's completely different from what I feel towards men. I always get so worried about this, though. OCD tells me and makes me feel like I'm living a lie, and this just kills me inside.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Lavandar @pureolife it’s especially bad when you’re in a relationship and while you’re having sex with your partner, all of a sudden his face morphs into random women and you hate yourself for letting your brain trick you during such intimate moments. Naturally ofc I’m already turned on Bc of my boyfriend so when my brain switches faces, I wanna throw up Bc now I’m turned on to women since I’ve already been pre-turned on
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 20w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 14w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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