aholcomb17
- Date posted
- 6y
puppychinopuppychino
- Date posted
- 6y
And also, regarding my fiancé’s faith or absence of faith and how I’m understanding it now: I don’t believe that God gives up on anyone, not in this life or after it. Faith evolves and we journey in and out and through faith and it will look different at different times in life. Everyone worships something, and I believe that when our minds and bodies are directed at loving and serving others, this is an act of worshipping the God who washed his disciples feet. So even though my fiancé won’t make a “faith claim” so to speak, I know that I’m loving me and loving others, he is also loving and moving in the spirit of the God who is Love itself.
VillonrVillonr
- Date posted
- 6y
I thinks that's really personal. I've been through the same situation, and he ended up going to church and indeed becoming a Christian. But it was a terrible relationship in spite of all this, but I kept telling myself we were meant to be because I helped him go to church etc. But he was a terrible, abusive person who did awful things to me, "Christian" or not. Your bf might not be Christian right now but turn out to be an amazing person who will treat you well. It all depends, my advice to you would be observe what is good for you, at the beginning of the relationship I blamed OCD for all these thoughts on how he wasn't the right person but it turned out that all these thoughts were actually that deep down I knew he wasn't treating me well even though I tried so hard to ignore it. In your case, it can be OCD, so it depends on how well your relationship will develop and if it's healthy for you.
aholcomb17aholcomb17
- Date posted
- 6y
It is healthy, he’s supper supportive and we actually have broken up once before Bc my mental health was becoming toxic. But we got back together and were the happiest we ever been. He’s helped me to grow a lot and learn more about love and myself and he’s helped me a lot with my ocd as he goes thru a different type of ocd. He’s even changing to become a better man and tells me how he wants to be kinder and nicer to all so Ik he has a good heart deep down.
puppychinopuppychino
- Date posted
- 6y
@aholcomb, my heart breaks for you that you are experiencing this, because I have/am experiencing it too. And I know how hard it is. I agree with @villonr that this is an individual decision that really has to be based on your individual situation. I can only tell my story and what I’ve learned through it. I hope you will find encouragement through it. My fiancé is a wonderful, wonderful man and he is kind and generous and treats people like Jesus taught us to treat people. He comes to church with me sometimes and prays with me and really supports my practice of faith. His position on faith is that there is no way he can possibly make a statement about whether God exists or not. And of course, when we are honest with ourselves, none of us can really make 100% sure truth claims about God, because we can’t pull God out of a hat and say “hey look, it’s God.” We have been together for seven years and this issue tormented me for much of that time. After we got engaged last year, I had a breakdown and we had to postpone our wedding. I was very close to ending our relationship for no other reason than I felt like I “shouldn’t” marry someone who didn’t 100 percent share my beliefs, even though we share the same values. I realized that most of my anxiety wasn’t really about him, but was relationship ocd that is rooted in the spiritual trauma that I grew up in, the trauma that taught me to be terrified of disobeying God and taught me that nothing I could ever do would be good enough for God to love me. And that picture of God really needed to change for me. And while im still dealing with the relationship ocd, we are planning to get married in the next month or so. And here’s another thing I’ve learned; God is bigger than me and the person I am choosing to marry, and he doesn’t need my obedience. God cannot be anything other than loving, and I think, now, that faith is more about the action of loving others and sitting in brokenness with them than about a series of intellectual claims that we say we believe in. If God is Love, as the Bible says, then God is always moving in love, sitting with us in our fear and sadness, teaching us to be vulnerable with others and with ourselves. I encourage you to check out Sheryl Paul’s work on relationship anxiety; you may find it helpful. I hope you find peace in your situation.
puppychinopuppychino
- Date posted
- 6y
*i know that IN loving me and loving others
CerseiCersei
- Date posted
- 6y
You expect him to accept your religion. It's only fair if you accept his lack of religion as well.
Related posts
Anonymous
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
Partners difference in views
I was good with my themes kinda, and then I felt the ocd switch so that was expected. But this one feels different, since my ocd I’ve been more accepting of gay people, I believe in God and that he created life and people as they are, and don’t believe that it’s necessarily wrong to be gay, but my boyfriend believes that being gay is a sin, he’s not discriminating or disrespectful to anyone. He has never let it impact the way it treats anyone like ever. This topic has only come up in conversation like twice in the 4 years we’ve been together and both times it was while I had soocd so it felt super sensitive to talk about. But now, I’m grasping more with seeing him as his own person again and not comfort for my ocd, so my ocd is clinging onto this one difference between us and it truly feels now like this is a dealbreaker, even though this has never impacted our relationship together at all. It wouldn’t impact the way we raise our kids or treat other people but just the fact that he thinks that makes me ocd think it’s enough that I’ll want to find someone else with the same view as me. I know deep down I don’t want to break up because when I’m not focused on this flaw, I feel happy and in tune with him. Does anyone have any advice ?:(
cmax20
- Date posted
- 23w
Religious OCD and romantic relationships
I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining
eafik36
- Date posted
- 17w
Advice
Hi bear with me I don’t know how long this is going to be (coming back after writing it way longer than I expected I just needed to get this out) but I’ve beenn struggling with this. So basically me and my ex let’s call him Gus just started talking and hanging out again cuddling kissing yk and he broke up with me because he had feelings for another girl but I’m actually really glad we didn’t work out the first time I wasn’t ready for a relationship. my relationship with God wasn’t where I wanted it to be. He is also a Christian so I kept telling myself it would be good which maybe it would’ve been but I still should’ve haven it time but I still rushed into it. We had been friends for like 4 years before tho so it felt natural. I felt good when we broke up it hurt and I missed him. Fast forward 5 months and we hangout again for the first time we cuddle and he kissed me. he’s still confused about what he wants he says he doesn’t want to hurt me again and doesn’t want it to end like last time also doesn’t know if we should keep acting the way we have been as just friends. I was really mad at myself at first I had 5 whole months to get back to where I wanted to be with God but I didn’t and I just kept going back and trying to redo it in my head which is what happened the first time and is why I think I felt stuck for so long. I kept thinking only if it was good the first time and only if I blah blah blah just going in circles you guys know the drill. Now it’s gotten better I’ve forgiven myself because I know God has too and I just have been spiraling. first I convinced my self I should go no contact for two weeks but I realized that was me trying to go back and control the past which is not my call I’ve been feeling a lot better about giving the whole thing to God and not stressing about the past or future just trying to live in the present but every time I think of completely letting that feeling that this isn’t gonna work or that I’m ignoring God go I get stressed again. I’m scared that He is trying to tell me to get out before it goes wrong again but I’m not listening I’m just scared I’m having false peace because I’m getting what I want if it’s ok to figure things out with Gus. On the other hand sometimes God gives us things we want when we finally learn to let it go and I have I’m ok with being alone romantically it’s not a need but I do desire it and I know God puts desires in our heart according to His will. The break up and the whole situation taught me so many things that I need to learn and how to really just let it go and give it to God. I keep trying to picture both scenarios in my head 1 us not together me just growing in God alone and not worrying about Gus and letting him go and 2 us being together and me being happy which him while not feeling like I’m not listening to God and just be at peace. I’m trying to stop imagining them it’s taking to much out of me my brain is exhausting but I can’t helps but feel like I’m ignoring God. Like I know I shouldn’t worry about the future but what if God is trying to tell me something and then I go to what if Jesus comes back tomorrow and I’m still pursuing Gus even if I don’t know what that means but I really am ignoring God and I don’t get to go with Him to heaven. I feel so safe with Gus the ocd never bothers me when I’m with him I let him touch my face and be on me and it’s so relieving to have that I trust him so much and i really don’t trust people that way. I fell asleep on him and ifkyk id let him bring me food and I’d eat it I just feel so comfortable with him I can talk to him about anything and we’re doing a plan on the Bible app together and he has helped me grow in my faith which feels wrong for some reason too like talking to him did. He just feels so safe and that’s really rare for me which I think should mean something right? I don’t know if it’s conviction or condemnation or just the ocd it would be so easy to blame it on the 2nd two but that feels wrong. Sorry this got so long thank you if you stuck around for the whole thing I really appreciate it.💗
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