I keep feeling like I’m letting god down Bc I’m dating an agnostic person but he’ll pray with me and he says maybe one day he’ll become a Christian and he’s offered to go to church with me. I keep feeling like “god wants me to leave” but idk if it’s my ocd. Any tips ?

Hi bear with me I don’t know how long this is going to be (coming back after writing it way longer than I expected I just needed to get this out) but I’ve beenn struggling with this. So basically me and my ex let’s call him Gus just started talking and hanging out again cuddling kissing yk and he broke up with me because he had feelings for another girl but I’m actually really glad we didn’t work out the first time I wasn’t ready for a relationship. my relationship with God wasn’t where I wanted it to be. He is also a Christian so I kept telling myself it would be good which maybe it would’ve been but I still should’ve haven it time but I still rushed into it. We had been friends for like 4 years before tho so it felt natural. I felt good when we broke up it hurt and I missed him. Fast forward 5 months and we hangout again for the first time we cuddle and he kissed me. he’s still confused about what he wants he says he doesn’t want to hurt me again and doesn’t want it to end like last time also doesn’t know if we should keep acting the way we have been as just friends. I was really mad at myself at first I had 5 whole months to get back to where I wanted to be with God but I didn’t and I just kept going back and trying to redo it in my head which is what happened the first time and is why I think I felt stuck for so long. I kept thinking only if it was good the first time and only if I blah blah blah just going in circles you guys know the drill. Now it’s gotten better I’ve forgiven myself because I know God has too and I just have been spiraling. first I convinced my self I should go no contact for two weeks but I realized that was me trying to go back and control the past which is not my call I’ve been feeling a lot better about giving the whole thing to God and not stressing about the past or future just trying to live in the present but every time I think of completely letting that feeling that this isn’t gonna work or that I’m ignoring God go I get stressed again. I’m scared that He is trying to tell me to get out before it goes wrong again but I’m not listening I’m just scared I’m having false peace because I’m getting what I want if it’s ok to figure things out with Gus. On the other hand sometimes God gives us things we want when we finally learn to let it go and I have I’m ok with being alone romantically it’s not a need but I do desire it and I know God puts desires in our heart according to His will. The break up and the whole situation taught me so many things that I need to learn and how to really just let it go and give it to God. I keep trying to picture both scenarios in my head 1 us not together me just growing in God alone and not worrying about Gus and letting him go and 2 us being together and me being happy which him while not feeling like I’m not listening to God and just be at peace. I’m trying to stop imagining them it’s taking to much out of me my brain is exhausting but I can’t helps but feel like I’m ignoring God. Like I know I shouldn’t worry about the future but what if God is trying to tell me something and then I go to what if Jesus comes back tomorrow and I’m still pursuing Gus even if I don’t know what that means but I really am ignoring God and I don’t get to go with Him to heaven. I feel so safe with Gus the ocd never bothers me when I’m with him I let him touch my face and be on me and it’s so relieving to have that I trust him so much and i really don’t trust people that way. I fell asleep on him and ifkyk id let him bring me food and I’d eat it I just feel so comfortable with him I can talk to him about anything and we’re doing a plan on the Bible app together and he has helped me grow in my faith which feels wrong for some reason too like talking to him did. He just feels so safe and that’s really rare for me which I think should mean something right? I don’t know if it’s conviction or condemnation or just the ocd it would be so easy to blame it on the 2nd two but that feels wrong. Sorry this got so long thank you if you stuck around for the whole thing I really appreciate it.💗

I have been constantly ruminating about if God wants me to be with my boyfriend. I am so hyper fixated on Gods will for my life that I often overthink every move. I have constant “what if” thoughts or “if God wanted him in your life you wouldn’t be having these thoughts”. I can’t differentiate Gods voice with my thoughts. What if this is God speaking? I also keep seeing TikToks that say if God wanted this person in your life they wouldn’t do blah blah blah. I am just not sure what to think anymore. I want to be with my boyfriend and he wants to be with me. However, as of lately we have been having some issues because we show our love differently. Then I see these TikToks saying that the right person will love you the way you need to be loved naturally, nothing will ever need to be forced, rhat I’m forcing a rib into the wrong man, etc. and then I’m like is this God talking through these videos saying I shouldn’t be with my boyfriend? I am not sure what to think. I just feel like my mind is in a constant spiral and I get so confused.

Recently, I have been obsessing big time over being the best girlfriend I can be and being the best Christian I can be at the same time. Its rough since I always have these lingering thoughts that I’m leading me and my boyfriend down a path of sin by being more passionate to the point of having lustful intrusive thoughts when with him sometimes despite the fact that we’re both not wanting to go past pretty passionate kissing. For some extra context here, I’ve grown up in a Christian household my whole life and over the past few years, have been getting progressively more interested in my faith after temporarily abandoning it. It’s been tricky knowing what’s okay and what’s not okay to do, especially since I don’t view it as a religion necessarily but more like me wanting to get to know my creator better, show how thankful I am to be here/have everyone who is in my life and show said thankfulness by being as devoted as possible while still being who I am to my core. As for my relationship, I have been with my bf for almost 6 months now and he’s made me the happiest girl in the world, constant hugs, kisses, sweet little gestures that make my heart melt, caring comfort, the purest of love in my opinion and I’m so blessed to have him as my partner. Unfortunately though, I’m always worrying about him and our future together and how this will work since he himself isn’t a Christian. A lot of people who aren’t Christian’s won’t understand this logic but my brain always goes to 2 places. 1 is possible disagreements we may have about how we want our lives to go since I don’t want to hold him back from what he truly desires. That though, may not always align with what I have in place for my life. 2, quite frankly the worst one, is worrying about my bf not going to a good place after he dies. Now, this is not because of him as a person (he’s the best, very kind, sweet, supportive and loyal) but rather, because of rejecting God from coming into his life, and that scares me more than anything. Basically, I was taught that going to heaven is accepting God into your life and having your sins forgiven, and if you don’t, your rejecting the one thing that can take away all your imperfections and make you whole once more, which leads you to not fully making the mark despite me practically begging on my knees that it wasn’t this way for the sake of others who may not view things the same as me (no disrespect towards others btw, I love and respect people no matter what the believe or do). Does that make me sound judgmental? Yea, it probably does, but I swear, I wish it wasn’t this way. Based on what I’ve come to understand as a believer in God and Jesus, it’s not that simple. Knowing that, there’s 2 things that I mainly worry about due to the context and concerns I have. I worry about being a bad influence and Christian as a whole because of how much I struggle with my mental health and how much I fall to my own imperfections. I try and I try but I never feel like I’m good enough, that I’m probably a lukewarm Christian (iykyk) and that even I won’t go to heaven because of my own doubts and mistakes. I pray constantly for reassurance and for peace so I can be with my bf and even by myself and not feel this overwhelming weight crushing my shoulders constantly. It’s scary, not knowing what to do, how to feel, if what I’m feeling is okay or not, etc. Idk if anyone else is in my shoes, whether they are worried about being a not good enough person, not strong enough in your beliefs, or even loving someone and worrying for them and their future to such an extreme extent. If there’s anyone out there who might have some advice to make the fear fade away, even if it’s a little bit, I would be forever grateful. Before I end this, I just want to say your are loved and appreciated for who you are and nothing will change that fact, even if you may not feel that way, I’ve been coming to accept that the more the years go by and I wish for everyone to know this. Anyways, God bless and hope everyone has an amazing day/night. ❤️