aholcomb17
- Date posted
- 6y
puppychinopuppychino
- Date posted
- 6y
And also, regarding my fiancé’s faith or absence of faith and how I’m understanding it now: I don’t believe that God gives up on anyone, not in this life or after it. Faith evolves and we journey in and out and through faith and it will look different at different times in life. Everyone worships something, and I believe that when our minds and bodies are directed at loving and serving others, this is an act of worshipping the God who washed his disciples feet. So even though my fiancé won’t make a “faith claim” so to speak, I know that I’m loving me and loving others, he is also loving and moving in the spirit of the God who is Love itself.
VillonrVillonr
- Date posted
- 6y
I thinks that's really personal. I've been through the same situation, and he ended up going to church and indeed becoming a Christian. But it was a terrible relationship in spite of all this, but I kept telling myself we were meant to be because I helped him go to church etc. But he was a terrible, abusive person who did awful things to me, "Christian" or not. Your bf might not be Christian right now but turn out to be an amazing person who will treat you well. It all depends, my advice to you would be observe what is good for you, at the beginning of the relationship I blamed OCD for all these thoughts on how he wasn't the right person but it turned out that all these thoughts were actually that deep down I knew he wasn't treating me well even though I tried so hard to ignore it. In your case, it can be OCD, so it depends on how well your relationship will develop and if it's healthy for you.
aholcomb17aholcomb17
- Date posted
- 6y
It is healthy, he’s supper supportive and we actually have broken up once before Bc my mental health was becoming toxic. But we got back together and were the happiest we ever been. He’s helped me to grow a lot and learn more about love and myself and he’s helped me a lot with my ocd as he goes thru a different type of ocd. He’s even changing to become a better man and tells me how he wants to be kinder and nicer to all so Ik he has a good heart deep down.
puppychinopuppychino
- Date posted
- 6y
@aholcomb, my heart breaks for you that you are experiencing this, because I have/am experiencing it too. And I know how hard it is. I agree with @villonr that this is an individual decision that really has to be based on your individual situation. I can only tell my story and what I’ve learned through it. I hope you will find encouragement through it. My fiancé is a wonderful, wonderful man and he is kind and generous and treats people like Jesus taught us to treat people. He comes to church with me sometimes and prays with me and really supports my practice of faith. His position on faith is that there is no way he can possibly make a statement about whether God exists or not. And of course, when we are honest with ourselves, none of us can really make 100% sure truth claims about God, because we can’t pull God out of a hat and say “hey look, it’s God.” We have been together for seven years and this issue tormented me for much of that time. After we got engaged last year, I had a breakdown and we had to postpone our wedding. I was very close to ending our relationship for no other reason than I felt like I “shouldn’t” marry someone who didn’t 100 percent share my beliefs, even though we share the same values. I realized that most of my anxiety wasn’t really about him, but was relationship ocd that is rooted in the spiritual trauma that I grew up in, the trauma that taught me to be terrified of disobeying God and taught me that nothing I could ever do would be good enough for God to love me. And that picture of God really needed to change for me. And while im still dealing with the relationship ocd, we are planning to get married in the next month or so. And here’s another thing I’ve learned; God is bigger than me and the person I am choosing to marry, and he doesn’t need my obedience. God cannot be anything other than loving, and I think, now, that faith is more about the action of loving others and sitting in brokenness with them than about a series of intellectual claims that we say we believe in. If God is Love, as the Bible says, then God is always moving in love, sitting with us in our fear and sadness, teaching us to be vulnerable with others and with ourselves. I encourage you to check out Sheryl Paul’s work on relationship anxiety; you may find it helpful. I hope you find peace in your situation.
puppychinopuppychino
- Date posted
- 6y
*i know that IN loving me and loving others
CerseiCersei
- Date posted
- 6y
You expect him to accept your religion. It's only fair if you accept his lack of religion as well.
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ellij
- Date posted
- 21w
Gods voice Vs. OCD thoughts
I have been constantly ruminating about if God wants me to be with my boyfriend. I am so hyper fixated on Gods will for my life that I often overthink every move. I have constant “what if” thoughts or “if God wanted him in your life you wouldn’t be having these thoughts”. I can’t differentiate Gods voice with my thoughts. What if this is God speaking? I also keep seeing TikToks that say if God wanted this person in your life they wouldn’t do blah blah blah. I am just not sure what to think anymore. I want to be with my boyfriend and he wants to be with me. However, as of lately we have been having some issues because we show our love differently. Then I see these TikToks saying that the right person will love you the way you need to be loved naturally, nothing will ever need to be forced, rhat I’m forcing a rib into the wrong man, etc. and then I’m like is this God talking through these videos saying I shouldn’t be with my boyfriend? I am not sure what to think. I just feel like my mind is in a constant spiral and I get so confused.
Asherose
- Date posted
- 21w
Obsessing over my relationship and my beliefs
Recently, I have been obsessing big time over being the best girlfriend I can be and being the best Christian I can be at the same time. Its rough since I always have these lingering thoughts that I’m leading me and my boyfriend down a path of sin by being more passionate to the point of having lustful intrusive thoughts when with him sometimes despite the fact that we’re both not wanting to go past pretty passionate kissing. For some extra context here, I’ve grown up in a Christian household my whole life and over the past few years, have been getting progressively more interested in my faith after temporarily abandoning it. It’s been tricky knowing what’s okay and what’s not okay to do, especially since I don’t view it as a religion necessarily but more like me wanting to get to know my creator better, show how thankful I am to be here/have everyone who is in my life and show said thankfulness by being as devoted as possible while still being who I am to my core. As for my relationship, I have been with my bf for almost 6 months now and he’s made me the happiest girl in the world, constant hugs, kisses, sweet little gestures that make my heart melt, caring comfort, the purest of love in my opinion and I’m so blessed to have him as my partner. Unfortunately though, I’m always worrying about him and our future together and how this will work since he himself isn’t a Christian. A lot of people who aren’t Christian’s won’t understand this logic but my brain always goes to 2 places. 1 is possible disagreements we may have about how we want our lives to go since I don’t want to hold him back from what he truly desires. That though, may not always align with what I have in place for my life. 2, quite frankly the worst one, is worrying about my bf not going to a good place after he dies. Now, this is not because of him as a person (he’s the best, very kind, sweet, supportive and loyal) but rather, because of rejecting God from coming into his life, and that scares me more than anything. Basically, I was taught that going to heaven is accepting God into your life and having your sins forgiven, and if you don’t, your rejecting the one thing that can take away all your imperfections and make you whole once more, which leads you to not fully making the mark despite me practically begging on my knees that it wasn’t this way for the sake of others who may not view things the same as me (no disrespect towards others btw, I love and respect people no matter what the believe or do). Does that make me sound judgmental? Yea, it probably does, but I swear, I wish it wasn’t this way. Based on what I’ve come to understand as a believer in God and Jesus, it’s not that simple. Knowing that, there’s 2 things that I mainly worry about due to the context and concerns I have. I worry about being a bad influence and Christian as a whole because of how much I struggle with my mental health and how much I fall to my own imperfections. I try and I try but I never feel like I’m good enough, that I’m probably a lukewarm Christian (iykyk) and that even I won’t go to heaven because of my own doubts and mistakes. I pray constantly for reassurance and for peace so I can be with my bf and even by myself and not feel this overwhelming weight crushing my shoulders constantly. It’s scary, not knowing what to do, how to feel, if what I’m feeling is okay or not, etc. Idk if anyone else is in my shoes, whether they are worried about being a not good enough person, not strong enough in your beliefs, or even loving someone and worrying for them and their future to such an extreme extent. If there’s anyone out there who might have some advice to make the fear fade away, even if it’s a little bit, I would be forever grateful. Before I end this, I just want to say your are loved and appreciated for who you are and nothing will change that fact, even if you may not feel that way, I’ve been coming to accept that the more the years go by and I wish for everyone to know this. Anyways, God bless and hope everyone has an amazing day/night. ❤️
Mary Hinchliffe
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 18w
Advice?
I’m a Christian and I’m in my first relationship, often feeling guilty/uncomfortable with various things in relation to sexual purity. I’m struggling to know when things are OCD or genuine conviction. Any advice on how to know?
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