Long distance relationship

i don’t know what to do anymore. i love my boyfriend but i also feel so guilty because i critcism him in my mind and im really controlling and i know that and im pretty sure if i really loved him i wouldn’t be thinking the things i do about him sometimes i wish he was smarter or did certain things and i hate it is it bad that i think that? part of me thinks i should just give up and find someone perfect and wait for the real one but i also love him and he’s my best friend and i don’t want to lose him but at the same time i want to break up with him because sometimes certain things don’t feel right and just the fact that i have cirticisms about him makes me feel terrible and he’s so so perfect and sweet and i think he deserves someone better and i really don’t know what to do please help i wanted it to be him i did and it just feels like something’s going to happen to us like i’m going to break up with him but at the same time i don’t want to but i don’t want to feel like this forever i wish i didn’t judge him because he’s perfect and i planned my future with him but i also can’t stand having all these thoughts and it’s not right to him either and i love him but i don’t even know what to do anymore i want to be with him forever but i want this to go away and i wish he was different but i also know i can’t make anyone change and it’s bad that i don’t love him just the way he is? shouldn’t he deserve someone who loves him just the way he is i just feel so awful and sick this is going to break my heart it feels like i should break up but at the same time i start crying as soon as i think about losing him please help im paralyzed and sick and losing my mind

I’m not saying any of this to be rude or hateful in any way!! Basically, I like this guy and I really love him, but, everytime I look at this one photo of him, I keep noticing he looks unflattering and it makes me worry, because I’m scared what if he’s ugly? And why does that even matter? Why can’t I just love him in peace without having to check his photo to make sure he’s not ugly? Like that sounds really rude and disrespectful and it hurts even more to know that he’s self conscious and I would NEVER want to hurt him so I don’t tell him I check his photo to make sure he’s not ugly, I get anxious when I notice/feel that he is unattractive/unflattering, so I check till I feel certain that I don’t think he’s ugly, why do I even do this? Why does it matter? Why does my brain make it difficult to even look at a photo without worrying, can I be normal? I say “I think he’s cute/I love him” to his photo and my brain is like “nope cuz he’s unattractive” then I get worried and for what??? I ask myself why do I care and I genuinely don’t know

I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?