Hocd has messed up my ability to rationally think anything. Everything I do, say, talk, wear, every single thing my mind goes to the conclusion that I’m gay. When I see a woman I find attractive, my mind says I’m lying and I’m forcing my attraction where as before my attraction and desire for woman was so clear and natural, it felt so right. My thinking is messed up, even when I’m getting aroused my mind goes to the image and the thought that I’m getting aroused by men and I just get so upset. This is so tiring.

yo i thought this only happened to me, only difference is i’m a female. it really makes me frustrated because it makes me so confused as to what i actually like

I have experienced exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve also overcome SOOCD and these thoughts never bother me anymore. I know you’re in a tough spot right now, but I promise it gets better! Do you have access to a HOCD specialist? Have you done any research on ERP and CBT on your own? The only way out is through with OCD. With some hard work, you can totally overcome this. When these thoughts come up, you have to stop fighting them and getting upset at them. Just let them happen. They’re there for one reason: to try to get you as upset as possible. The more you can allow them to just run free but sit with the anxiety until it subsides without doing compulsions to calm yourself, the more you’ll show your brain that these thoughts are irrelevant. And they’ll stop having the control.

I’ve felt exactly the same, only I’m female. I used to just find guys attractive naturally but now every time I see a guy that I think is cute or attractive, I run through my mind to make sure or check that I think he’s attractive, and analyze every thought and feeling that I’m feeling towards him. If for some reason I don’t feel attracted to him even for a second, I get crazy anxiety that that’s a sign that I’m gay. And I do the same for girls, only making sure that I’m NOT attracted to them, and if I feel like I am even for a second, the same anxiety strikes. It’s so confusing and maddening

I relate to this so much! I’m struggling to stop myself from mentally reassuring myself that I’m straight and instead just feeling the anxiety. If I can stop my mental compulsions before they trigger, I think I’ll be on a good path.

I feel for u