Deep breathing, looking at art, and meditating helps me but I feel like I am betraying God and making excuses for it and having selective Christianity which is against my values in the first place so I’m also a hypocrite

I don’t think meditation is against God, I think your OCD is trying to make you feel guilty about your healthy coping mechanism so it can drag you back into despair and doubting, which seems to be what you are doing right now. It’ll be okay, and I’m sure you’re very good and faithful to your religion.

I agree with fleurisez (or at least... I want to agree with her.) I’m not going to stop doing it though, it’s the only relief I’ve ever had. Like aloe, I’m taking it easier on myself abt being radical as far as being radical abt god. It feels bad like I am a sinner, but it feels so good just to let go. Still, I worry about things like “now if you have a mental health ‘come up’ due to this, all of your successes will be attributed to the devil and won’t be REAL successes, to God you’ll still be the low life slob who lives on the couch and doesn’t do anything with her life, even WHEN that’s not true any more, because it’s the devil that got you into the headspace to do it. Like any money you make during this time will be the devils work n therefore not YOUR money or your lifestyle to have! You don’t deserve a nice lifestyle!” But now I’m just trying to tell that voice to SHUT UP n let myself meditate

I am so proud of you—you trying is a big step. You’re not alone, okay? We’re all here for each other.

How do you feel as if you are betraying god?

Because it’s... meditating

They are all forms of meditating. I even get paranoid that I’m gonna be possessed if I focus too hard on coloring

If it makes you paranoid, don’t do it. Figure out other things that help.

This may be a trigger warning but this is the exact reason why I let go of religion and took it easier on myself as far as being radical abt believing in God. I could easily still be a a believer and approach religion in a more healthy way but I think I’ve been more at peace with being agnostic and giving myself the benefit of doubt bc I’m not going to put my mental health at risk at the expense of something I’m not entirely convinced exists. If anything praying is a form of meditating there are many different ways you can meditate it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re betraying God and also avoiding meditation in my opinion wouldn’t be healthy bc it’s not giving you exposure to your anxiety and on top of taht you’re linking it to something that is supposed to be helpful and making it do the opposite. God loves you and I’m sure God would want you to do what will help you not bc you’re being selective but bc it’s help you heal

I’m not even a real Christian either and I will never be saved and I will go to hell... have you guys ever heard that song I’ll Mind of Hopsin 7?

Thank you so much ???

If you ever want to talk, I’m here, even though individual messages on here aren’t a thing. I always have tumblr; the username’s the same. Don’t give up!!! You’ll be okay.

And no, I’ve never listened to that song, is it good?

Yeah, I would look it up! :) let me know what you think

I will, thank you for the recommendation!

I just feel the need to confess that I’ve been binging teal swan videos lately and they’re really helping me and I feel bad that they’re helping me like I’m being helped by the devil, but they ARE the reason for my influx of hope, optimism, and self love & awareness lately

I wholeheartedly believe that if it’s helping you and making you feel better why would it be such a bad thing. I soon came to realize that the whole idea of not doing anything b of your mental health and being a slob to God is a whole social construct and a burden you’ve put on yourself. I’ve come to the conclusion that that is what ppl have made you believe and probably not what God sees you as. If I’m going to agree with one thing abt religion it’s abt knowing God loves you and loving yourself . You got this and if you wnat to keep believing in God then think of God as being by your side and getting that money, be that better version of yourself bc that is what he put you on this earth to do!