fear of ocd itself

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now. I guess that's why they call OCD "the fear factor." If it's any consolation to you, I think most of us have been through what you're experiencing. I used to fear coming home after a business trip because I was afraid that the OCD would kick up bigtime when I got home. OCD therapy and ERP helped me get over it. The fear is what the disorder wants us to experience, but I'm an example that it can be treated. I remember reading and hearing the famous President Franklin Roosevelt address to the nation at the beginning of World War II. He said "we have nothing to fear, but fear itself." I think that sums up what we experience with OCD; it's the fear, even, in reality, there really are no bears in that cave. My therapist taught me that it's not the content of our intrusive thoughts that's important; after all, they're only thoughts. It's how we react to them that matters. My suggestion is for you to stay in therapy and if your therapist doesn't use ERP you may want to consider finding one who does use it. It's the gold standard for OCD treatment and it really works. Hope this helps.

Did I write this lol

same… have you done erp yet

Good news, my friend, ERP works very well with pure-o, harm-o and just about everything else, for that matter. I'm living proof, because I, too, am recovering from pure and harm. And urges and body sensations are classic OCD, because OCD is liar and uses it to keep you in its clutches. What happens with ERP is your therapist will gradually expose you to your fears. Is it scary? Damn right it's scary. When I first started I said "you want me to do WHAT???" :-) But happens is over time you it no longer scares you and you learn that there ain't no bears in there. This is coupled with tools to help you stay in the present (instead of ruminating all day with the "what ifs") and to accept uncertainty. Example:" I accept uncertainty that I will ever do this, because I don't know the future (and neither do you, OCD!) but I'm not doing it now, not planning on doing it and I have a choice." What happens is you've accepted uncertainty and stayed in the present at the same time, and you just took away OCD's power. It takes work, and in my case, the flare ups can be more profound at first because I wasn't performing any mental or outward compulsions, but over time, with therapy, it began to subside. Recovery is not linear, amiga, it's messy, but our disorder IS treatable. Hope this helps.

Nope. Cause my themes are so random. Not sure how it works