- Username
- morgan?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I'm struggling with this too. Before I was actually obssessing over being asexual but it went away and now I'm genuinely questioning if I'm somewhere near demisexual. I do experience attraction but I usually feel romantic attraction first and then it comes sexual attraction. However ocd definitely messed up my attraction so it may also be that. It may be it may not. My ocd wants to make me obsess about it but I don't really care right now. When this will be over I'll have my answers
Of course there is! That’s the OCD. If you were asexual and just not sure, the NEED to know wouldn’t be so strong. You’d just be like “oh I dunno I’m just not that into sex. Oh well.”
How was your sex drive and experience with sex before HOCD? My guess is that if you lost your sexuality drive due to OCD, it doesn’t mean you’re asexual. However if you’ve never been interested in or fulfilled by sex, then you could be. The frequency of thinking about and wanting sex doesn’t really matter. We’re all on a spectrum. Some people want it multiple times a day. Others are good with once a month.
I’ve never had sex I’m only 15
But I can’t stop thinking about if I’m asexual or not
Oh! You are definitely just suffering from OCD then. Don’t even worry about if you’re asexual or not. Right now your OCD is going to make it impossible to determine and the more you think about it the more confused you’ll get. Also at your age things like your sex drive are still in development! You actually won’t know until you’re done with puberty and your brain finishes developing and even then, sexuality kind of ebbs and flows throughout your life based on a ton of factors. I’ve had times of wanting it a lot and times of not really paying it much attention. Rule of thumb: if you can’t stop thinking about it that means it’s an obsession. And obsessions never lead to finding some deeper truth. You can’t feel the truth until you stop looking for it.
Thanks sm!
It’s just like their is this part of me that has to know though if I am or not?!?
Exactly I feel the same way as you right now my mind wants me so hard to obsess over all this like it is like trying to push it in my brain but it’s not going to happen and I think I’m just not as anxious about it because I’m just tired of all these thoughts
I feel the exact same. Like I don’t wanna be asexual I want to find love it just everything scares me. I had pocd then I was having soocd about if I was bi and then I got over that too and during all of this I still had a desire to be in a relationship and kiss someone etc the only thing that I did have through all of this was a fear of intimacy. Ever since I was a young child I’ve been scared of sex but when ever I pleasure myself I do want to and I can imagine it really clearly then after the anxiety kicks back in. So I’m getting over that now And I’m a lot more willing to have sex it’s just now it’s swapped and kissing and going on dates scares me but I still do want a relationship I just don’t think I will find someone who will put up with me because some days il want to be loved and some I will want to be left alone and Icolated and it making me have this while crisis about being asexual because I’m like well all your over friends just go straight into relationships fine why can’t you and idk what to do because I hate labels but I don’t wanna like be in denial of who I am but like I don’t even know who I am I identify as straight and I’m attracted to men but I’m just so scared did relationships
Ok so this might be long might not but I’m going to try and explain this very well ok so I have always dreamed about having a boyfriend and I’ll read novels and want that for me and I can imagine myself with a guy when I’m older and happy but right now I can’t whenever I try to think about it I get anxious and just want to cry cause more than anything in the world I want happiness but ever since I got hocd whenever a guy tells me they like me all I want to do I stop them from liking me and want to tell them to stop liking me I get an anxious type feeling and lately I have had the theme of asexuality like “am I an asexual? What if I turn asexual? What if because I get these weird feeling about boys liking me does that make me asexual?” I need some opinions of what people think and I also don’t know these could be new feelings to me I just have never dated or had a boyfriend I want one but at the same time “myself” doesn’t want me having one! What do you think?
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
I am having such a hard time right now. So I’m a person who suspects they have OCD. I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about harming myself or my family, Also those of being a pedophile for years now. But the one that is currently in my mind is that I’m Asexual. I’ve always felt I was gay. I wanted to kiss boys I’d be aroused by the sight of them, and just wanted to be close to them. I always suspected why I never had a boyfriend was because of my apprehension and the small dating pool, and being in high school almost non existent one. So I vowed to just save it for the right person. But earlier in the week I got the thought that I subconsciously never wanted that, and that I was just lying about being gay and actually never felt attraction. Now I’m racking my brain of all the times I’ve ever liked someone, trying to find out if it was real. And it’s terrifying me. I know there’s nothing wrong with it but it just doesn’t feel right for me.
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