any help

What I learned is that the event is not the issue. It's OCD. You made it an obsession because of an underlying reason. You fear that by having done a bad thing, you are x or y, or you fear that in the future x or y will happen to you. So to prevent that, you start problem solving, which kicks an infinite anxiety loop. The answer is to learn and accept that people are not their mistakes, and tend to make mistakes, small and big, moral or in grey areas. That it is okay to do that, and that you are allowed to learn from them. So, show the world you have now learned from the thing that bothers you so much.

I totally hear you. I AGONIZE after past events and how they make me feel like a horrendous person. For me, it helps when I flip the script. I think about if someone else had done this, wouldn't I offer them forgiveness and compassion? Usually the answer is yes and if someone else deserves it I do too.

i just can't help but think it's the worst thing to ever of happened i feeel regret guilt and just that my life's over

I’m dealing with the same exact issue right now. I know how you feel and if you wanna talk you can message me.

Don’t try to stop thinking. Just allow yourself to feel depressed or regretful. There is this strategy called LLAMP. Labelling emotions/ thoughts Letting go of the urge to control or get rid of the feeling Accept Mindfulness P- act with purpose. Like tell yourself. My purpose is not to get bugged by every OCD thought. Right now I want to what I always loved to do( fill in whatever you would like to do). You may want to do it whenever you are in a OCD spike.