Spiraling Out - Please Help

Hi all, First time posting and it comes in the midst of a big spiral and panic. Currently dealing with what we think is borderline existential OCD where I feel like I’ve come to believe that I’m not real, that this is all a dream, that I’m actually a psychotic person walking down the street imagining all of this. Got very triggered yesterday by seeing someone screaming and yelling at what seemed to be nothing. Had a panic attack this morning and just haven’t been a wreck since worrying that I’m going to end up in psych ward, realize I’m actually crazy, etc. Been in NOCD therapy for almost 4 months now and still struggling to sit with the uncertainty, avoid researching, seeking reassurance, and most of all ruminating. Anyone go through something similar and if so what were key tactics you used during these spirals to calm things down and recenter yourself?

I had a really stressful couple of weeks and it's all hitting me right now. I cannot for the life of me shut off my brain my thoughts for a little and it feels like drowning. It's 1 a.m. here and I'm feeling completely hopeless like this feeling is going to last forever. I'm feeling like I can't use the tools I've been given my my psychologist and my meds feel like they've stopped working. I feel like by the end of the end I'm going to lose my mind. I usually am able to find some silver lining but today has been so bad. Everything triggers me and I have really bad intrusive thoughts about dying and finding some peace but I know that's not what I want. It's just so difficult navigating life when your brain works against you. I'm so tired and defeated and I feel like I have no one to turn to, but even that is some form of reassurance and it makes me spiral that I decide actively against it. I just feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm going "insane" from the distress. All my failed friendships and relationships have come back to haunt me and I feel like I can't get out of the house. All my sort comings are layed out in front of me and I feel like I am the worst person in the world and nothing will fix that. I have some real bad thoughts about my friends and family. And I know alla of this is classic symptoms of OCD but even though I know I can't rationalize and come to peace with them. I'm so envious of people being able to lead a normal life without this burden and in my mind it's just highlights all my shortcomings. I've had moments like this before but the last really nasty one was four years ago when I was yet undiagnosed and I really felt insane back then. I was hoping that when this happened to me again I'd be more capable of handling it but I don't think I am. I'm constantly on a battle against my mind and some times I win and sometimes I lose. I'm sorry for the rant I just feel extremely hopeless right now.

I had a really bad nightmare revolving around one of my big themes and I woke up with the panic still left over the dream as if it was real and I kept thinking about the situations. I tried to tell myself it was just a dream, but then it made me question real life. So then it was a cycle of ruminating about the events as though they were real and my reality which really messed me up bc my biggest theme right now is becoming schizophrenic/catatonic/"crazy." I feel stuck in a loop, I've tried saying the "maybes" and even talking to my partner about other things but it just keeps looping in my head "am I crazy?" "I can't differentiate between dreams" "I feel like I'm stuck in my head and I can't even talk". Any tips? I feel like I'm at the crescendo of my 20 years (lifelong) ocd due to stress from moving soon.