- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes! Geez, I hate this so much. I actually enjoyed fantasying about boys and now i don’t know and it sucks.
- Date posted
- 6y
lmao the harry styles thing is a MOOD. i tried to use him has a coping mechanism for my ocd/intrusive thoughts but it really backfired and im afraid he’s ruined for me??
- Date posted
- 6y
Yoooo exactly the same. Like it feels like im developing into the “real me” and shes gay. But then i know like little me drooled over boys. Teenage me too. Im still a teenager buuut i do believe this is hocd. If you would be gay u wouldve known. Ur not growing, your hocd makes you believe u are so dont give in to that thought. My advice is to stay away from anything sexuality related. Like just take a break from jt. Let your brain come to senses. It helped me. The anxiety is gone but the attracrion is not back. I truly hope it will return from here. I wish u the best !
- Date posted
- 6y
I know uugh you dont know how glad i am i found girls my age and like me om here! I first was on a other support group online but there werent really a lot of girls my age on there. I learned a lot from there. I acc tried to stop going to the group bc ppl said its not good for your hocd which i do believe but this app is just something that really helps me and i can even make hocd memes on here like??? Bih dis is my home lololol anyway i do have to stop myself from coming here toooffen becasue the more time i spend on support groups the more time i spend on my hocd. And a loooot of people told me that distraction is the key. I have to go ger a job or something but hocd also ruined my motiavtion to go out there and do shit sooo much like for now it all is like, whats the point if im gay? So i just stopped caring about myself. I stopped staying hydrated, i stopped eating healthy, i stopped exercising... i know its bad but im just not myself at all. All i do in my life right now is shower, eat and sleep. I hate to let my parents down but i just wish they know what was going on so they dont think im just lazy. Anyway once i start writibg about my hocd feelings im never able to stop lol but i must ahah
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m not dealing with HOCD but my OCD focuses really makes it seem like it ruined everything for me. I’m still pushing through and trying to watch Harry like i used to though??
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m honestly just worried what if I’m growing out of being straight and I’m maturing and I’m becoming lesbian instead. Cause I used to obsess over boys as well. But now not so much. I’m scared it means something ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh and advice? i mean im still a teenager but im not drooling over boys anymore lol teenager 12-15 drooled over boys. Now im 17. theyre like dust to me now due to hocd? i wish they were my dream again
- Date posted
- 6y
Ahh I’m only 15! My ocd just started last year and it was the worst thing ever ! But yes I’m happy I’m not the only one who thought that.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m seeing about medication tomorrow, and as much as i hate the anxiety of OCD it also freaks me out when i don’t have anxiety it makes me think i “enjoy” it
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes same here! The anxiety stage sort of stopped and now I’m scared that accepting the thought means I was in denial all along.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m 17 also and my OCD really hit me two months ago, but now that im looking back i can see the build up of it happening over time.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yesss i feel u. Its like its been building up all over my life and it exploded. Last year was the worst. 2019 treated me a bit better like no anxiety. But it feels like me being lesbian is setteling into me. But i hope to stay strong and just keep living and hoping that one day i will feel everything i used to feel.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes we all will again. Sooner or later. I get scared each time I see a pretty girl. I start to analyze. I keep thinking maybe that means I’m only attracted to girls now. But before I would think anything of it. I knew I wanted a boyfriend and all of that. It’s what felt right to me. But now I’m so lost. It’s all so scary. Have you also experienced that?
- Date posted
- 6y
The exact same thing i went trough. I completely relate. Like boys always felt right. They were my dream but true, every pretty girl i get this feeling in my belly that feels horrible its anxiett bevause i think i like them. My brain thinkgs The feeling is attractiom and therefore fake attraction. I haaate it because now im nervous around girls like whaaat?? Thats so unlike me. I always loved to be around girls because i could be myself and be comfortable as in friends u know. I miss thst womanhood feeling so much. Guys always made me nervous because i thought they were so cute and i wanted to look cute around them. Anyway now im nevrous aroung girls too and i hate it soo much i want to be comfortable again. In general this whole thing makes me so damn uncfomfortable 24/7 like im misplaced. Thinking im lesbian makes me feel so out of place but i hate that hocd made me get so used to the thought of being gay. I wish it was all still unknown to me.that i would never dived into all this. I fee like i lost my innocense and purity. Ugh this all goes so deep. Anyway i truly feel what u go trougj and im always here for you!
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh man thanks! But it does go so deep , it goes from thought to thought. It sucks because we should just be happy and tell ourselves what we are. But then this stupid uncertainty won’t rest. Little by little we have to get back to normal.
- Date posted
- 6y
I know. It truly sucks because i started college while having this and omg it ruined all my dreams and expectations. I thought i would go to parties and all that which i did get the chance to buut hocd made me stay home lol waaay to triggering. I always think of this scenario where im drunk and that i will go with a girl and omg its the freakiesthing to me. I know i would never do that because it would disgust me but still... hocd
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I’m sure your finally would definitely care and try to help you. But I get if you don’t want to “bother” them. But I’m sure they wouldn’t mind helping you. But I understand. We are all here to support each other. So far, this app is nothing but helpful to me. It’s feels nice to know I’m Not alone. Especially since hocd is more common in men. But on here there’s many teenage girls going through it and I thought I was the only one. But we’re here for the support !
- Date posted
- 6y
Forreal i try so hard but like it just wont give me any feelings
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah same, my ass used to cry every night when i was like 14 because i probably wasnt gonna meer him ever in my life. Well at least that heartbreak is over lol. But u know hes ruined for me too.. it hurts so mch to see all these girls thirst over him while im here like ? i could only wish. Its crazy thst i have to pray and wish to fall in love with a boy while before hocd i fell in love with every walking man around me. Well not litteraly but u feel me
- Date posted
- 6y
That shit sounds tough. I can relate that it ruins everything for you. For me too. Like litteraly everything. My passion for makeup, fashion, harry ?✌? but yuh im tryna cope???
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg that does really suck. It always ruins things. It would ruin when I’d go out. My family always tells me to go out and distract myself but then I see girls and it triggers me so bad.
- Date posted
- 6y
Does ur family know about your hocd? I wish i could tell mine but they probably hand me over to the trash lol
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes they do know. Only my siblings. I was scared they’d think I was lesbian and that why wouldn’t understand. But they did. They supported me. Talking to them made me feel less alone and i felt comfort knowing they knew. They also think I’m not actually lesbian but I’m scared of being lesbian.
- Date posted
- 6y
Wow wish i could tell my fam. I acc think they would understand but im scared bevause i dont want to put another problem on them like they already are so busy with work and i just know they cant deal with me right now. But im managing right now like im breathing so i hope i can figure this out w ppl from here and just myself
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg yes! I was on the support group too and no one replied quick like they do here! And there was many more active people here! I’m so glad to have found this app. But I was doing really good up until yesterday. That I started stressing and worrying about it again. But yes I feel you. When i was going through anxiety with hocd I couldn’t even sleep. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to work out. But I suggest you take it step by step. Working out can help you relive that anxiety you get. Just try. When you can focus on getting healthy again. Just step by step. I stopped feeling anxious but this damn question and worrying is still here. I try to focus on my boyfriend and make sure everything is good as normal. But sometimes it feels like I’m forcing myself to be in the relationship because of these stupid thoughts of thinking I’m lesbian. I hope that’s normal. Because I genuinely enjoy being with him. Sorry back the the point. I think you should consider telling your parents or any family member. It made me feel better to get support from people I know. But I get why you wouldn’t want you. Even if you don’t. You has this whole support group! Even better, because we actually understand what you are going through. We’ll all get the though this!
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks for the support girl, truly is helpful :)
- Date posted
- 5y
i judt searched hocd and found this. and omg i relate so much to this :( this was posted a long time ago, how are u guys doing now ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Heyy! I actually am dealing with hocd a lot less now. I’m a lot happier now than I was a year ago. Just know you’ll be okay!
- Date posted
- 5y
@advice? aww I’m so happy to hear that ? :) I’m sure you will overcome it completely soon
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
i'm positive i was attracted to women before this got a thought when i was high thought really really deeply into and changed my life now im 24/7 scared im gay ive always been attracted to girls but early in my sexual life where im at ive always got with girls and seemed a little disapointed after would love help and to hear past experiences
- Date posted
- 15w
hi guys i added to list. i’m freaking out i just need some help. signs of comphet (comphet is when lesbians who don’t know it and just follow norms and believe there straight) ive felt: “I never felt anything when kissing boys and totally thought that was normal… I talk to men, go on dates, but I think it’s to keep my life ‘interesting’ and have something to talk about with friends.” • lack of deep, natural emotional connection • • talking about my boyfriend to other people made me feel “cool”, “worthy”, “interesting” and felt like a way to prove myself • being able to clearly articulate all the reasons I liked a guy crush/my boyfriend (he’s smart, funny, kind, handsome, etc) whereas with a girl crush I can’t exactly put my finger on why I like them but I’m just naturally drawn to them • never missing my exes or feeling heartbroken about them (i would feel sad from being lonely and no longer having that daily routine of having someone to talk to, but didn’t necessarily miss that specific person) • i was always very hesitant about “becoming official” with a guy i would be seeing and would make him wait before deciding to date because i “didn’t know if i really liked him or not” only being aroused by their the man’s desire for me • Thinking I was cooler than other girls because I didn't spend any time thinking about how cute boys were or being "boy-crazy". I was under the impression for a while that I must just be less shallow than other people because I didn't really take looks into account when I had a crush on a boy, I only factored in their personality. chasing the ego boost more than emotional closeness agreed with friends or mom about someone being attractive even if you didn’t feel it—another big flag being bored, ditching serious commitment, chasing the drama again it also feels like i’m acting a lot of the time to make it more romantic cause i cringe When you fantasize about men, it is mostly just enacting a kind of narrative. More focused on movement than features- the men in your fantasies might be faceless or blank-featured or their bodies might symbolize some emotion. you might not even be in the in the fantasy, but instead another faceless woman might be. You might even imagine yourself as the man. The narrative follows the sexual script, but the details are more vague and abstract and might even shift and change throughout the fantasy. i dont care about like what guys looks like. like my sister saw a video of a guy working out and was like got damn omg gotta like that. if i saw that i would prob be like damn to try and prove something to myself but i don’t really understand what i should feel it feels like i relate to so much comphet after i read it on reddit and it doesn’t even make me want to cry and die anymore. it feels like i tolerate men or have done it for attention or because i thought it was going to happen at some point cause it was what was happening around me like sister and friends. i’m scared ill never find someone i want to marry that’s a man it feels like it’s all just comphet and i don’t want to actually be with a man the more my meds work and anxiety lessens the more the fear feels real because i can’t get myself anxious about it anymore. i can about other stuff but not this. i always told myself i don’t chase i attract. maybe thats cause i never wanted a big badly enough. maybe what im missing is a girl what if that ends up feeling more real Straight people don’t need to talk themselves into what’s hot. like during the hocd break i would try and like see what was “hot” and and be like yeah that’s hot. i also i refused to masturbate to women and not think about it because i didn’t want it to prove that i still liked it but i mean idk if that was left over hocd
- Date posted
- 14w
MY STORY i’ve grown up in a mostly supportive family and area and we are not homophobic. i grew up knowing what gay people were and i don’t care i grew up not to care. im from nj. my parents are friends with a lesbian couple and we see them once in while. i grew up watching people like joey graceffa whose gay. i also had some school friends that were gay like this kid kevin and this girl elizabeth. i also babysit a little gay boy who likes to dress up as a girl and i always tell him to embrace it and defend him. i wouldn’t care if a friend was gay or anything like i wouldn’t care if my sister was it would just make me rethink things about myself i think. from a young age i liked male attention and had labeled boys as crushes from my mom says. i dont think i liked girls when i was younger and my mom said it was only guys. but idk maybe there was. However i do remeber hairy men when i was younger would gross me out like with black hair and pale. my mom said every since i was a little girl i would tell her i liked boys. as i got older and in middle school i always wanted guys to want me and think i was funny and pretty and i would get awkward around them and nervous around them. but i remeber i didn’t have specific things i found hot or attractive and if someone said something was hot i would just agree and start telling myself it was hot even when i didn’t care i just wanted to be cool. then hocd hit at 13-15 during covid where i was so confused. the first time i had hocd i would like not avoid the thoughts i would do a lot of testing to figure it out for hours and hours in diffrent ways and would feel the same arousal and attraction im feeling now. but i remeber wanting to end up straight and try and rule out gay stuff. but it wasn’t avoidance i didnt have anything against gay people. when the thoughts were still there i still would only act on stuff with boys. when i first had it i remeber crying to my mom for like a month and i was like whatever she’s not helping im gonna figure this out by myself. that’s when i started testing myself for two years. over time it was just there. ofc it was distressing but i don’t remember much. slowly when i went to high school it faded because i loved going to parties and flirting with guys and talking about them and thinking what boy am i gonna kiss tonight it’s gonna be a crazy night. when covid ended and we went back to real like i started going to parties and kissing boys. i started dating one boy and we would talk all the time just not really hangout so we broke up because i wanted more male attention and was kinda bored of the relation shop. i started hu with this one boy and like didn’t really know if i was into it cause i kinda wanted to hoe around and we were kinda like locked in and i didn’t know if i wanted that. so he got the hint i wasn’t into it and stopped talking to me moved on to another girl and got popular in the span of like two weeks. after this i was obsessed with him and got all nervous to see him and i always just wanted to be like can we go back to the way we were. we then started to “hate” eachother and i was so sad all the time he didn’t want me anymore and moved on. we hooked up in and off for two years. then i started hooking up with this one kid cause i always thought he was really funny and chill. we hooked up for a little and then i started to get the ick. i then got with like two other boys at parties. so then we stopped talking and i started talking to the “hate eachother kid” again. we then started dating and he’s my current boyfriend of a little over a year. all these instances made me feel good and i loved the attention and drama. but i struggled with committing with people. i don’t know if this all for validation because i loved when men wanted me it gave me an ego boost and still does even if i didn’t really want them or couldn’t get it to last with a boy. i’m scared it was all for attention and confidence there attention gave me. i liked feeling like a baddie. i liked when the hot funny guys liked me now at 18 it’s back and for six months all i been doing is talking to my mom my sister and my dad about it constantly researching and checking and for those six months i was in a haze of just despair. i was also in erp but it was so bad i couldn’t sit with the distress so i didn’t make much progress and my pyscuatrust told me to stop for a while until we get my brain right with meds. after three weeks no erp and more meds of seretonin and rexulti i finally don’t feel distress or anxious but the feelings of attraction are still there. i thought there supposed to vanish. i’m from nj and from a supportive family and ig supportive environment and friends. i’m 18. and in high school okay so growing up my mo said i only liked guys and would talk about guy crushes and had two celebrity guy crushes. this was all the way up into middle school. then when middle school came around i started liking this guy cause he was funny and popular. then we started dating and everytime he would do something affectionate i would start crying and get so tense and freak out so i broke up with him because he made me so nervous . a year later i still liked him and i got back together with him and the same thing happened so i broke up with him. i think during middle school i liked guys. my mom said i did. i also would get really nervous when any of them would come around to hangout and i wouldn’t talk. but i would also just follow what my friends and sister said. if they said a guy was hot i would just agree. i dont know if i actually found them attractive. i still kinda do this to this day. then covid hit for two years. during those two years i was in my house house and got hocd. so i had hocd sexual intrusive thoughts only and had the groinal really bad. but i would still try and have crushes on guys and think i did. but my hocd also attached itself to one of my pretty friends who was a girl. it made me have a lot of sexual thoughts that i would masturbate to about her. it was about her waist and stuff and it made me loose myself. before hocd me and her were bestfriends and really close and im not sure if i had feelings for her. i mean i was always jealous cause all the guys always wanted her and thought she was pretty. then we got out of covid and i was now in high school. the hocd slowly faded my freshman year. in the begining of freshman year there was this tall brunette guy who i started talking too for months and started dating and i would get all nervous when he came around. i really liked him and enjoyed talking to him. then we broke up cause we never hung out. after that for the next two years i developed what i thought two be two genuine crushes. i would make out with cute guys at parties for the experience and to add cute guys to my kids list. basically hocd was gone but i did this one thing sometimes i did is i would always try to prove i was straight to my mom. like if we were watching tv i would say a guy was hot. i didn’t want her to think i was gay even though she wouldn’t care at all but i would do this because she was the only one i would talk to about my sexual intrusive thoughts and feelings. i was hooking up with my guy best friend but then started to looses interest but he was still obsessed. one day he caught on i wasn’t into it started hanging out with older people and going to there parties and started hooking up with this older girl. i got super jealous and heartbroken cause he didn’t care about me. i don’t know if this heartbreak and crying was because he got popular, he wasn’t giving me attention, we weren’t friends anymore or because i actually liked him. i always had a thing for him after this. i started going to the older people parties and i always wanted to see him there and make him jealous. one and half years later we started talking again and we started dating. once we started dating we started having sex. almost every time or most of the time i finish when he eats me out, we have actual sex or if we’re just humping. we say i love you and stuff. ths first six months we would do everything together like just little shopping trips or whatever. we were always hanging out. then it started to dial down and i started getting annoyed with him sometimes which my mom and sister said was normal. but i still said love you and we would hangout and have sex but idk. i would have thoughts like we aren’t going to last because he’s not smart enough, and sometimes my mom would say this too. but she would also say how much he loved me and how he was such a sweet guy and how he would do anything for me. but idk i just wouldn’t feel it. like i still showed pda and did like him. would a lesbian who didn’t know it yet likely date a guy for a year and a half at 18, have sex like once a week, have orgasmed during penetration, creamed, squirted finished by his hands and mouth then hocd hit again. this time much worse. it was even stronger it felt like with the feelings. the first three months i was in this haze and was crying everyday that i might be gay and how i really really really didn’t want to be. i still have hocd and im in therapy and on medication. i cant tell if my attraction to men is real. my mom says it is and she knows me and im not gay and ive shown genuine excitement about guys. my sister says the same thing. but it feel like ive convinced myself ive been doing it to fit in. the thoughts got bad and ive told my mom my sister my dad and ive told three friends. my mom and sister ive told the details too or the intrusive thoughts and false attraction. i’ve always found women attractive and i find it easier to find them attractive like physically but never felt this way can i conclude im not lesbian? or like is it likely my attraction to men hasn’t been genuine
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