- Username
- hocdgirlsummer
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes! Geez, I hate this so much. I actually enjoyed fantasying about boys and now i don’t know and it sucks.
lmao the harry styles thing is a MOOD. i tried to use him has a coping mechanism for my ocd/intrusive thoughts but it really backfired and im afraid he’s ruined for me??
Yoooo exactly the same. Like it feels like im developing into the “real me” and shes gay. But then i know like little me drooled over boys. Teenage me too. Im still a teenager buuut i do believe this is hocd. If you would be gay u wouldve known. Ur not growing, your hocd makes you believe u are so dont give in to that thought. My advice is to stay away from anything sexuality related. Like just take a break from jt. Let your brain come to senses. It helped me. The anxiety is gone but the attracrion is not back. I truly hope it will return from here. I wish u the best !
I know uugh you dont know how glad i am i found girls my age and like me om here! I first was on a other support group online but there werent really a lot of girls my age on there. I learned a lot from there. I acc tried to stop going to the group bc ppl said its not good for your hocd which i do believe but this app is just something that really helps me and i can even make hocd memes on here like??? Bih dis is my home lololol anyway i do have to stop myself from coming here toooffen becasue the more time i spend on support groups the more time i spend on my hocd. And a loooot of people told me that distraction is the key. I have to go ger a job or something but hocd also ruined my motiavtion to go out there and do shit sooo much like for now it all is like, whats the point if im gay? So i just stopped caring about myself. I stopped staying hydrated, i stopped eating healthy, i stopped exercising... i know its bad but im just not myself at all. All i do in my life right now is shower, eat and sleep. I hate to let my parents down but i just wish they know what was going on so they dont think im just lazy. Anyway once i start writibg about my hocd feelings im never able to stop lol but i must ahah
I’m not dealing with HOCD but my OCD focuses really makes it seem like it ruined everything for me. I’m still pushing through and trying to watch Harry like i used to though??
I’m honestly just worried what if I’m growing out of being straight and I’m maturing and I’m becoming lesbian instead. Cause I used to obsess over boys as well. But now not so much. I’m scared it means something ?
Oh and advice? i mean im still a teenager but im not drooling over boys anymore lol teenager 12-15 drooled over boys. Now im 17. theyre like dust to me now due to hocd? i wish they were my dream again
Ahh I’m only 15! My ocd just started last year and it was the worst thing ever ! But yes I’m happy I’m not the only one who thought that.
I’m seeing about medication tomorrow, and as much as i hate the anxiety of OCD it also freaks me out when i don’t have anxiety it makes me think i “enjoy” it
Yes same here! The anxiety stage sort of stopped and now I’m scared that accepting the thought means I was in denial all along.
I’m 17 also and my OCD really hit me two months ago, but now that im looking back i can see the build up of it happening over time.
Yesss i feel u. Its like its been building up all over my life and it exploded. Last year was the worst. 2019 treated me a bit better like no anxiety. But it feels like me being lesbian is setteling into me. But i hope to stay strong and just keep living and hoping that one day i will feel everything i used to feel.
Yes we all will again. Sooner or later. I get scared each time I see a pretty girl. I start to analyze. I keep thinking maybe that means I’m only attracted to girls now. But before I would think anything of it. I knew I wanted a boyfriend and all of that. It’s what felt right to me. But now I’m so lost. It’s all so scary. Have you also experienced that?
The exact same thing i went trough. I completely relate. Like boys always felt right. They were my dream but true, every pretty girl i get this feeling in my belly that feels horrible its anxiett bevause i think i like them. My brain thinkgs The feeling is attractiom and therefore fake attraction. I haaate it because now im nervous around girls like whaaat?? Thats so unlike me. I always loved to be around girls because i could be myself and be comfortable as in friends u know. I miss thst womanhood feeling so much. Guys always made me nervous because i thought they were so cute and i wanted to look cute around them. Anyway now im nevrous aroung girls too and i hate it soo much i want to be comfortable again. In general this whole thing makes me so damn uncfomfortable 24/7 like im misplaced. Thinking im lesbian makes me feel so out of place but i hate that hocd made me get so used to the thought of being gay. I wish it was all still unknown to me.that i would never dived into all this. I fee like i lost my innocense and purity. Ugh this all goes so deep. Anyway i truly feel what u go trougj and im always here for you!
Oh man thanks! But it does go so deep , it goes from thought to thought. It sucks because we should just be happy and tell ourselves what we are. But then this stupid uncertainty won’t rest. Little by little we have to get back to normal.
I know. It truly sucks because i started college while having this and omg it ruined all my dreams and expectations. I thought i would go to parties and all that which i did get the chance to buut hocd made me stay home lol waaay to triggering. I always think of this scenario where im drunk and that i will go with a girl and omg its the freakiesthing to me. I know i would never do that because it would disgust me but still... hocd
Yeah I’m sure your finally would definitely care and try to help you. But I get if you don’t want to “bother” them. But I’m sure they wouldn’t mind helping you. But I understand. We are all here to support each other. So far, this app is nothing but helpful to me. It’s feels nice to know I’m Not alone. Especially since hocd is more common in men. But on here there’s many teenage girls going through it and I thought I was the only one. But we’re here for the support !
Forreal i try so hard but like it just wont give me any feelings
Yeah same, my ass used to cry every night when i was like 14 because i probably wasnt gonna meer him ever in my life. Well at least that heartbreak is over lol. But u know hes ruined for me too.. it hurts so mch to see all these girls thirst over him while im here like ? i could only wish. Its crazy thst i have to pray and wish to fall in love with a boy while before hocd i fell in love with every walking man around me. Well not litteraly but u feel me
That shit sounds tough. I can relate that it ruins everything for you. For me too. Like litteraly everything. My passion for makeup, fashion, harry ?✌? but yuh im tryna cope???
Omg that does really suck. It always ruins things. It would ruin when I’d go out. My family always tells me to go out and distract myself but then I see girls and it triggers me so bad.
Does ur family know about your hocd? I wish i could tell mine but they probably hand me over to the trash lol
Yes they do know. Only my siblings. I was scared they’d think I was lesbian and that why wouldn’t understand. But they did. They supported me. Talking to them made me feel less alone and i felt comfort knowing they knew. They also think I’m not actually lesbian but I’m scared of being lesbian.
Wow wish i could tell my fam. I acc think they would understand but im scared bevause i dont want to put another problem on them like they already are so busy with work and i just know they cant deal with me right now. But im managing right now like im breathing so i hope i can figure this out w ppl from here and just myself
Omg yes! I was on the support group too and no one replied quick like they do here! And there was many more active people here! I’m so glad to have found this app. But I was doing really good up until yesterday. That I started stressing and worrying about it again. But yes I feel you. When i was going through anxiety with hocd I couldn’t even sleep. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to work out. But I suggest you take it step by step. Working out can help you relive that anxiety you get. Just try. When you can focus on getting healthy again. Just step by step. I stopped feeling anxious but this damn question and worrying is still here. I try to focus on my boyfriend and make sure everything is good as normal. But sometimes it feels like I’m forcing myself to be in the relationship because of these stupid thoughts of thinking I’m lesbian. I hope that’s normal. Because I genuinely enjoy being with him. Sorry back the the point. I think you should consider telling your parents or any family member. It made me feel better to get support from people I know. But I get why you wouldn’t want you. Even if you don’t. You has this whole support group! Even better, because we actually understand what you are going through. We’ll all get the though this!
Thanks for the support girl, truly is helpful :)
i judt searched hocd and found this. and omg i relate so much to this :( this was posted a long time ago, how are u guys doing now ?
Heyy! I actually am dealing with hocd a lot less now. I’m a lot happier now than I was a year ago. Just know you’ll be okay!
@advice? aww I’m so happy to hear that ? :) I’m sure you will overcome it completely soon
Reasons why HOCD doesn’t make sense: -having my first crush on a boy in kindergarten (his name was Jon and he was tan with dark hair and I loved him) wait actually before kindergarten I had a boyfriend in pre-3 I loved him lol I forgot -first grade through seventh grade having a massive crush on the same boy because there were only 6 boys in my private school class and evidently he was the cutest I was recasted when he moved schools in the 8th grade -started dating the “it” boy on my swim team in 8th grade(he even tried to leave me for this other girl..I hated her) -saw sixteen candles for the first time! Jake Ryan oooolala -broke up with my 8th grade boyfriend because I was going into high school and we lived very far away from one another and evidently I saw all the boys that were going to my high school needless to say I was in love...the leg hair...the arm pit hair...the smell of their sweat after practice...thinking about it now that’s kinda gross but the mature boys who had leg hair and armpit hair and a bit of a five o clock shadow always struck my attention because I thought they might be more mature and obviously were more hot! -having a crush on this boy named Cameron who was the HOTTEST person to ever exist god! We would go to football games and I would always try to stand right next to him...he was exceptionally flirty and ALL of the girls liked him obviously so getting his attention was hard at times but you know I strived for it anyway! -having my first episode of HOCD due to lack of attention and confidence my freshman year -HAVING NO HOCD the next three years of high school -having a thing with a boy named jack sophomore year and being heart broken when he ends things -I swore I fell in love with a boy named carson the beginning of my junior year...ahh the ray band the brown hair the old Jeep his style I loved him I swear...he ended things with me I was heart broken for an extremely long time! -having a thing with a boy named Jackson end of my junior year but having him end things with my for another girl (I hated her) -falling in love with a boy named Hayden going into my senior year...losing my virginity to a boy named Hayden my senior year...getting ROCD over a boy named hayden my senior year..crying because I didn’t know it was ocd...watching 50 shades freed wishing my boyfriend was Christian grey -getting over ROCD -graduating high school while still dating my boyfriend -breaking up with my boyfriend because we go different colleges -meeting the hottest boy named will in Cabo...omg -having sex with your exes bff because he’s too hot to resist (wow I’m so sorry) -talking to a boy named cole who was the coolest and the hottest person alive...no one else mattered...getting sad when he would leave you on read and when he posted a snap story with another girl! -GOING TO COLLEGE BABY!!! Meeting a kid named Zak who had already slept with the entire cheerleading squad but being completely unaware cause you had gotten to college five minutes before you met him and was unaware that “talking” to him would get me shunned from having any female friends on campus because he was a “player”...continuing to sleep with him after that because he was hot...so hot -meeting Andrew, I was unaware of the affect he would have on my life when I first met him...he was my neighbor in the dorms he’s in the army he’s 6’2 and has tattoos I love him I love him I love him, he’s at air assault school right now and I’m at home... -the end part of May I felt the Demon of HOCD creeping back into my life...prior to this I was obsessed with working out eating right, looking hot you know? I had to look good for the military ball! Well that was over so my mind was like well now what do we have to obsess on and the little bitch raised her hand and said “obsess about me you haven’t for awhile” so obviously I go to the gym unaware of what’s brewing in my mind and I see this very thin tan tall girl who I strived to look like and my mind says “you’re a lesbian” meanwhile I’m like “fuck are you kidding me this again oh my god” I then go back to my dorm room proceed to have a panic attack and there it was “HOCD” clear as day to anyone who wasn’t in my brain...I didn’t understand how this could happen I didn’t notice girls I loved my boyfriend and that one really y’all toned guy in the gym was so hot and the boy that was on stage from the football team that had a beard was so cute and I loved beards and the football team ooo La la...it doesn’t make any sense! How could i a girl who was notorious for loving boys and never even considering girls as sexual beings could come down with HOCD again? I don’t know ocd is super weird and even now when I think Im getting over it there’s still this impending doubt in my mind that I’m lying to myself like there’s some hidden Zoe just in the depths..it makes me doubt the things that make me happiest.. it feels so real... This is what I know: -I know I want a husband and children...I know I want to grow old with a man and laugh with a man and buy a house with a man. I know that. -I however do not know why OCD has to constantly torment me -I doubt I even have OCD all the time but every now and again the ocd cycle will break and I will be like “what the hell was I so worried about...you a lesbian...not a chance” and then my mind begins to obsess again and then I begin to think it’s real I find myself thinking “it’s not OCD this time, it’s the real deal” like what does that even mean? I miss the excitement of a boy following me on Instagram, I miss being able to scroll through Instagram without wondering if I am attracted to this or that girl..I miss getting sad when a boy would leave me on read...I miss the excitement of a boy asking to hang out for the first time..I miss the nervousness of the first kiss..I miss the anticipation of the next one. I miss my desire for men. I miss looking at my boyfriend and pinching myself because he’s MINE. I miss getting ready to go out with my friends that are girls and texting the boys were talking to at the time and helping each other pick out outfits to hopefully impress the guys. I miss talking to my mom about my boyfriend like he’s the best thing that ever happened to me (he is). I miss going out in public and not even looking at girls and if I did, I wouldn’t think anything of it! I miss piece of mind knowing that I am attracted to men! I miss the pure joy of snap chatting a boy and him sending his face back even if there’s no conversation happening! I miss myself most of all. She was pretty cool. She was fucking awesome man, but she’s not here. I miss her. God fucking damn it I miss her.
I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.
Okay so I have been struggling with HOCD for so fucking long. I never felt like I had crushes on boys growing up but I wasn’t attracted to girls either (this was through 5th grade). Until 6th grade hit. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the thought walking up the stairs and it was “You’re lesbian.” And ever since that thought was there and I fought it I have been dealing with all types of OCD ever since (been going on for 7 years). And only this year I found it was OCD. But it’s hard because I don’t know if I’m actually gay or I convinced myself I’m gay because I gave up and gave in. Now whenever I see I pretty girl I feel tingling. And I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a lesbian so I look up pretty pictures of girls with their boobs out and I loved it. And I wanna make out with a girl so intensely. But then at the same I don’t wanna be in a relationship with a girl and I wanna marry a guy and I just desperately wanted to be like by a guy. But I get so horny whenever girls are in bikinis and stuff. But I have OCD and I’m so confused.
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