i was in the car on the way home from my grandmas house talking to my mom about my anxiety and how my grandma had OCD but that me and my siblings never really had it (keep in mind I haven’t told my mom about my HOCD yet). i was talking to her about how I think I have some OCD in me, hoping that she would say something along the lines of “yes you probably do!” but instead she said, “you may, but you probably just have OCD tendencies”. apparently you can have just ocd tendencies without having full blown OCD?? anyway, now i’m getting all worried that I don’t actually have HOCD and that all this is just a “tendency” and that i’m actually gay. this sucks. i just wish she knew. i wish i could tell her. i want to tell her so bad but i’m just so scared that she won’t understand. i honestly might just wait until i graduate high school (i’m going to be a senior) and just get an OCD therapist wherever I go to college so that i won’t have to worry about my parents finding out about me going to a therapist ugh. i feel so bad for not telling them but i am just so scared

Im 21 years old, I had ocd seen I was 14 when it started it stopped me from telling anyone I have it. It was really bad at the time and I had no clue how to deal with it I even was able to kill myself at one point but decided to have hope it would get better. In time it did got better but I had no clue what was wrong with me and I didn't want to tell anyone. Until this year I finally found out what it was and my ocd started getting bad again but I'm doing better now. Is been 7 years but I really want my mom to know what I been through but I feel like if I tell her it hurt her and I feel bad for not telling her when it started. I just need same help getting the courage to tell her.

I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.