i was in the car on the way home from my grandmas house talking to my mom about my anxiety and how my grandma had OCD but that me and my siblings never really had it (keep in mind I haven’t told my mom about my HOCD yet). i was talking to her about how I think I have some OCD in me, hoping that she would say something along the lines of “yes you probably do!” but instead she said, “you may, but you probably just have OCD tendencies”. apparently you can have just ocd tendencies without having full blown OCD?? anyway, now i’m getting all worried that I don’t actually have HOCD and that all this is just a “tendency” and that i’m actually gay. this sucks. i just wish she knew. i wish i could tell her. i want to tell her so bad but i’m just so scared that she won’t understand. i honestly might just wait until i graduate high school (i’m going to be a senior) and just get an OCD therapist wherever I go to college so that i won’t have to worry about my parents finding out about me going to a therapist ugh. i feel so bad for not telling them but i am just so scared

ok so i’m going to therapy soon and i’m scared the therapist will tell me i don’t have OCD/HOCD and that i’m young and i need to do some soul searching or that i just need to learn to accept myself as bi and to know that it’s ok to be that way. i really hope i have OCD?

HOCD is a whole lot harder when you were raised in a family that doesn’t support the LGBTQ community :/ ok, so, i haven’t told ANYONE about my HOCD. i’ve been dealing with it on my own (i’ve actually gotten a lot better compared to when it started a year ago). its already hard to say u have HOCD but it’s even worse when ur family doesn’t necessarily support people being gay. it’s making this so hard because i know for a fact that if i were gay, they would definitely disapprove of me. there have been multiple instances where people we know came out and my whole family was very against it and didn’t support it. obviously they’re not mean or anything and would never do anything to hurt those people but they just HIGHLY disagree with it i guess. and the worst part is i used to be the same way...i just never really supported it. until now. my whole view on it changed and now i’m much more supportive. i guess that’s the OCD of it though. OCD plays off your worst fears. and my worst fear is to be gay since i know how my family would react to it,,,and it’s not good. that’s the root of my HOCD. i don’t want to be gay because i’ve never viewed a girl in that sense before but i mainly don’t want to be gay because of the fact that if i were, it would be a disaster for me. i LOVE my family and if i were to be in that situation, it would crush me. obviously there’s no way in knowing but i just feel like i would be more ok with having these intrusive thoughts and HOCD if my family wasn’t so anti-gay. ugh. idk what the point of that whole thing was hahah i think i just needed to vent. i know i didn’t ask for advice but any kind words would be appreciated ?

i would feel so much better if my parents and family weren’t so homophobic ugh. i’m SO afraid of lesbian, mainly because of the things i would have to go through after coming out. this isn’t supposed to be reassurance but, do people usually have an OCD theme and primarily fear the outcome of a situation?? for example, the possibility of me being lesbian doesn’t scare me (it does make me uncomfortable though, given that i’ve been attracted to guys my whole life), it’s the fact that if i were lesbian, my family would probably not support me or ever look at me the same again. does that make sense??