i was in the car on the way home from my grandmas house talking to my mom about my anxiety and how my grandma had OCD but that me and my siblings never really had it (keep in mind I haven’t told my mom about my HOCD yet). i was talking to her about how I think I have some OCD in me, hoping that she would say something along the lines of “yes you probably do!” but instead she said, “you may, but you probably just have OCD tendencies”. apparently you can have just ocd tendencies without having full blown OCD?? anyway, now i’m getting all worried that I don’t actually have HOCD and that all this is just a “tendency” and that i’m actually gay. this sucks. i just wish she knew. i wish i could tell her. i want to tell her so bad but i’m just so scared that she won’t understand. i honestly might just wait until i graduate high school (i’m going to be a senior) and just get an OCD therapist wherever I go to college so that i won’t have to worry about my parents finding out about me going to a therapist ugh. i feel so bad for not telling them but i am just so scared

I don’t this there’s such thing as OCD tendencies. Try not to worry about it, but there is different types of OCD. And we have the checking and intrusive thought types.

Yeah. It’s frustrating. My mom got me in to see a therapist because I told her about my anxiety (not mentioning the HOCD) and then I told my therapist about it and she confirmed it was OCD and then I asked her to tell my mom so it could be from a professional stand point. My mom understood after that, but even though she understands she doesn’t totally get it. I mean, I wouldn’t if I was her. It’s someone questioning their sexuality obsessively and never finding an answer. She’s never heard of something like that. I told my grandma and she totally denied the reality of it. She told me that everyone has ocd and what I’m dealing with was no different and that I just had to stop thinking about the thoughts. Even though it’s gotten to the point of me mimicking suicidal thoughts, she doesn’t understand how horrible and torturous it is. It’s kind of like coming out as gay in a way. When you tell people about your HOCD they either reject you or just don’t understand.?

all i want to do right now is go online and find some sort of OCD diagnosing thing that can tell me that i do have OCD and that they aren’t just tendencies UGH i want to so badly... but i’m going to fight the urge

I understand, when I first told my siblings about it I was afraid they’d think I was actually questioning my sexuality but I wasn’t. I was hat afraid of being something I’m not obviously. But same, I was also having suicidal thoughts. Ocd is really a pain. I haven’t been diagnosed but I think I might have it. It kind of runs in the family. Inherited from my mom, especially the anxiety. But I get you.

Don’t feel bad. OCD likes to trick and make you doubt yourself.. it’s called the doubting disease for a reason! A book that really helped me was “overcoming intrusive thoughts” by Martin Seif and sally Winston. There’s a kindle version available to download. It may make you feel better and more comfortable with all of the things you’re thinking and feeling.