How to stop believing the narrative SOOCD creates?

Question - my mind uses any trigger to prove I am gay. My mind kind of auto defaults to the ‘worst case scenario’. I’m kind of stuck in this mindset that I ‘believe it’, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be suffering from the ongoing anxiety. Do others have a similar feeling? Concern? Experience? I’ve been battling what I think is SOOCD since I was about 25/26. Literally overnight it felt like my brain broke. Infatuated by a new GF, woke up. Had the thought “you feel nothing for her”. Obsessive worry, figuring out why. Led to “you are gay”. I’ve been diagnosed twice by two seperate therapists, but as we know, it’s hard to believe you have ocd. Ultimately, I’ve never thought of men in a romantic way until my brain broke. I still don’t think I do, but I can’t stop being sick with anxiety that I have changed or that I’m lying to myself?

Username: Meg JohnsonMeg Johnson

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm going through the same thing. Exactly everything you said.

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 1y ago

@Meg Johnson It’s so difficult to understand how the brain does this. Does your therapist give you any advice re changing how you put meaning into those thoughts and feelings? I can’t help but think - if I could just get my mind to accept I have OCD, then I can treat it as such. I’m guessing that’s normal?

Username: My OCD AcademiaMy OCD Academia

Date posted: 1y ago

Just like you, I have been diagnosed by 2 different therapists but still OCD doesn't care. My SOOCD started from a TV show where a character came out as gay and I got the thought what if I were to come out as gay one day and boom, my mind went down the gutter. I also never thought of men in a romantic way either until I had OCD. I have had other themes before this and its just been hard because any new theme theres always that "what if this time its different" thought.

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 1y ago

@My OCD Academia Sorry this is happening to you. I look back at my childhood/early adulthood and other than anxiety, don’t see OCD in my past. For me, it literally felt like my brain broke overnight as a 25 year old :(

Username: My OCD AcademiaMy OCD Academia

Date posted: 1y ago

@gp - had a traumatic event happen to me last year and OCD hit like a truck afterwards. had both therapists at one point tell me they believe I was already showing symptoms of OCD prior and the event didn't help at all. ever since then ive been on a battle with different themes. the stigma around OCD and the double standards when it comes to men doesnt help at all. was talking about this with another member on here that guys are deemed in society as tough, brutes etc. and any interest in "feminine" activities is considered gay. i love reading and i cannot enjoy the category of young adult romance books because my OCD has told me its a sign of me being gay or that if i enjoy listening to a female artist, its another sign. I try to deepen my voice, walk more "masculine" and at this point ive done so many compulsions to try to fight OCD, im wornt out. Then I get worried as to why Im not worriying like I used to about these thoughts 🤦‍♂️ . OCD SUCKS

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 1y ago

@My OCD Academia That sucks dude :( I’ve had the voice thing before and still do sometimes. I think “do I talk with a lisp?” That must mean I am gay. It’s so stupid. My theme has been ROCD into HOCD, back to ROCD and now back to HOCD.

Username: AHLAHL

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I have been straight my entire life, until I ran into SOOCD about a month or two ago. Could not stop the feeling in my chest of anxiety and fear . I constantly read blogs , YouTube videos , forums etc . I have been doing a lot better and exposures have helped . My best advice would be to be there as the presence that notices the thoughts . Do not try and “stop” thinking them. Because trying to stop in it self would cause you to think about the thoughts and ruminate and revisit them . Understand that you are on this forum for a reason . Otherwise you would be gay , and continuing on with your every day life . Do your research and reach out to the forums for help when you can but do not stay here , visit YouTube , look on forums repeatedly. Stay busy . Constantly looking for answers is part of the OCD cycle . Keep your head down and one day you’ll look up and you’ll have these thoughts but they won’t bother you anymore . Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to figure this out . Life is a journey . This will pass . You are aware that you have OCD , and that is a Huge step. Most people are not aware of the anxiety and stress they are under and do not admit to having a problem . Understand that finding a similar sex person attractive does not mean you are gay. Intrusive thoughts visit everybody , everyday . Be present , and express gratitude . Take some vitamins . You got this , hang in there .

Username: FuckedupFuckedup

Date posted: 1y ago

I thought so-ocd is my only theme, but now that I’ve learned more about my ocd, I see that I’ve had multiple themes since childhood. In my opinion this is the worst theme because it is not illegal or there is nothing wrong being homosexual. For me it causes a lot of shame cause I have always supported LGBT-rights and been open minded to people.

Username: abib1001abib1001

Date posted: 1y ago

The brain broke is so relatable. I literally felt something shift in my head when I was first triggered

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 1y ago

@abib1001 Yeah. Something changed. It’s like my brain decided something against my will when it first happened. Like a literal thought, that it said was true, convinced me immediately that I had no choice but live/think a way I didn’t want to. And I couldn’t convince it otherwise.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Why does SO-OCD feel so real?

It all started two months ago when I was making scenarios in my head to fall asleep.. i was imagining myself kissing a man and then it turned into a woman. The moment that happened, I opened my eyes and panicked.. it was complete panic, i started sweating, crying and I couldn’t function anymore. I started asking myself “am i gay”, “i have to come out to my boyfriend”, “i have to come out to everyone”, it was all within the span of 10 minutes… soooo overwhelming!! My mind acted as if I was gay, I lost my sense of identity, I couldn’t even trust myself anymore even when I reassured myself. It was such an awful cycle, to look at any person, a man to make sure i was straight, and a woman to make sure I wasn’t gay… i feel ashamed saying this. If i looked at a woman a certain way, like oh she’s pretty, my mind would say yes u see ur gay. After two months, I imagine any interest with a female stranger as a confirmation of being gay, I’m so nervous all the time, i start sweating and checking for groinal responses (the worst is when the response happens).. i cant afford a session with a therapist now, and i keep saying that i dont have OCD, im in denial, and that one day ill be gay. Can someone offer some insight on wether this sounds like OCD?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: gp

Date posted: 1y ago

Looking for others similar - any thoughts?

I’m looking for others out there that might be similar to me. I was 25(m), infatuated with a new gf. I had a performance issue. Next morning I woke up with the FEELING that “you don’t feel anything for this girl”. And the anxiety that came with it. I felt sick to my core. Enter 3-6 months of obsessively figuring out why. It made no sense. I was infatuated with this girl, I was so happy, so confident, I could see such an awesome future with her. But once the feeling of “you feel nothing for her” stuck, I felt I had to break up. But why? During this 3-6 months it felt like I lost all positive feelings, like I could no longer be attracted to women (or anything). Nothing mattered except figuring out why I had lost feeling? I remember thinking it wasn’t fair that I’d been robbed of my ability to be happy and to love. Googling everything, asking friends etc. it consumed my every waking hour. During my obsessing, I had this random question - “are you actually gay?” Enter obsessively figuring out wether I was actually gay. I was 26. I had never even considered I was gay. I think I had crushes on girls, I certainly fantasised about them and was much more shy around them than guys. Put simply - I had never thought of a guy as anything other than a mate. This obsession changed to kind of “I FEEL gay”. It was/is like deep down I believe I am gay, despite never seemingly being attracted to guys before. I’m now 35 and this same obsession has been with me on and off. I’m now seeking treatment. Question - most of the online resources call out that ‘deep down’ you know you’re not gay. What if deep down there is a FEELING like you are? Can an obsession be a feeling? Can HOCD convince you that you ARE gay rather than just question? I’d love to hear anyone similar.

Username: gp

Date posted: 50w ago

SOOCD - real or not?

I’m in a really bad panic at the moment re my ocd. I’m trying so hard to accept the thoughts/feelings and accept how real and true it all feels, despite the panic and anxiety. I read somewhere that you can clearly tell the difference between a thought about your sexuality being true vs an ocd thought. It said if the thoughts/feelings/narrative makes you feel panic, anxiety and dread, like you don’t want the thoughts, then it’s ocd. If they make you feel warm, content and normal, then they’re likely not ocd. Is that how people and psychologists differentiate? My situation is that I’m a 36 year old male that never questioned or had to question my sexuality until one day at 26, I had the question pop up “are you gay”. Since then, it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore. Questioning, checking, anxious 24/7, wanting to escape myself. Help :(

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How to stop believing the narrative SOOCD creates?

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