Mom with Harm OCD

Hi - I’m a Mom of 3 with Harm OCD. I’ve had OCD for a long time since I was a teen, prior to kids. It’s been harm/sexual orientation, etc. pretty much every theme at some point. My harm OCD got set off so badly by the Lindsay Clancy case back in January. It seemed to settle down for awhile and now is so bad again. I question if it’s even OCD at this point or if I’m actually an awful person wanting to do these things. I’m really struggling. The thoughts feel like urges and it’s all day long. I think of the case everyday wondering and trying to figure out if it was OCD that she had that turned into her losing control and feel sick to my stomach then panic that will be me. Any other Mom’s out there dealing with similar issues? Thank you.🤍

Username: Anonymous 567Anonymous 567

Date posted: 1y ago

Same. Exact. Thing. You’re not alone. I could have written this myself. I have been fighting the urge to google her case for the past several days to see if there was more info out there. I have managed to not do it.. bc no matter how much research we do, we are giving in to the compulsive behavior searching for answers that we do not need. We are not her. Her story is not our story. What happened there was a freak tragedy. I’ve tried to wrap my head around her illness to see what made her do that terrible shit but we will never know. It’s not our business to find out. I do know that OCD thoughts are not able to make you “snap” one day and become a murderer or a psychopath. There’s no such thing as just losing control out of nowhere. We find these urges/feelings/thoughts frightening, sickening, and they cause us anxiety and cause us to search for answers. I think she had no connection to reality, severe post partum depression, highly overmedicated and post partum psychosis. And when this story first came out OCD was never mentioned. I saw mentions of PPD and PPP Which psychosis also scares the shit out of me and I’ll try to convince myself I have it. We don’t. It’s crazy though how mine kinda got better for a little while too and now it’s back again full force. I just love my baby so much so of course ocd latches on to him. Having harm ocd is so hard when you have kids bc there’s nothing a mom loves more than her kids. And when it latches on to them it goes against our core beliefs and values. Like we must be monsters if we are having thoughts/urges/feelings of harming our children. Like even typing it makes me feel shame like something must be wrong with me. Feel free to reach out to me whenever. I’m in the struggle with you. I literally curse that woman’s name sometimes for sending me into this spiral lol

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 17w ago

@Anonymous 567 How are you doing? I cannot even believe I found this post because all of this is me and while I am so sorry to hear you were experiencing the same, I cannot express how relieved I feel to hear someone else has experienced it.

Username: Anonymous 567Anonymous 567

Date posted: 17w ago

@HayBD I have ups and downs but I try very hard to implement what my therapist taught me. She helped me with separating myself from the ocd. She helped me learn how to “talk back to ocd” I still have spirals where I’m really bad off and I have thoughts every. Single. Day. My main themes are harm and fear of going crazy or developing schizophrenia or something like that. I try to do erp around this and it has seemed to help a bit. I’m not in as dark of a place as I was right after the Clancy case happened. That sent me in one of the worst spirals I ever had where I was in a constant state of panic and horrible thoughts 24/7 for months. But it’s gotten much better. I would say I’m on my recovery journey. Definitely not fully recovered but noticing improvements. I try very hard not to do compulsions (Google.. checking this app for ppl going through the same exact thing… reassurance.. thought neutralizing, avoiding being alone with my kid) I still struggle with these things but I really do try to not give in even though it feels so urgent. If i feel like I neeeeeed to do something to find relief then I know I’m doing a compulsion and I try to delay it until later. Like I’ll tell myself “I’m not gonna do this right now. I’m busy doing XYZ, If I still feel the need to do it later, I will.” And most of the time I forget to do it later lol or it’s not on my mind anymore. Being able to delay compulsions helps to give you some feeling of control back. Cuz we often feel like we are losing control and that fuels the fire.

Username: Kiki10Kiki10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w ago

I came across this post really late in the game but it’s EXACTLY what I’m dealing with! Same story sent me into an OCD spiral! After that I got such bad intrusive thoughts about hurting my kids that I checked myself into a psych ward. They didn’t keep me since it was obvious to them it was OCD but at the time it felt SO real. I’ve been in therapy now with NOCD for months and one of my ERPs was to actually watch and rewatch her case a million times. Until it got boring. Honestly the whole thing just made me sick to my stomach. I also wondered if she suffered with OCD but they never said. I guess it doesn’t matter because we are good people at our core and although I struggle with the thoughts daily there are still so many more good days than there ever were. I hope you’re doing well and your OCD has gotten more manageable!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 12w ago

Same thing and same case! Ugh I hate that woman and I hate OCD

Username: Snorts07Snorts07

Date posted: 24w ago

ME TOO GIRL! same exactly

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 17w ago

@Snorts07 How are you doing?

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 17w ago

How are you doing? I cannot even believe I found this post because all of this is me and while I am so sorry to hear you were experiencing the same, I cannot express how relieved I feel to hear someone else has experienced it.

Username: HopefulMamaHopefulMama

Date posted: 17w ago

@HayBD Doing much better! Still have some days that are harder than others but not in the dark place I was when this spiral took over! How are you? How long have you been dealing with ocd?

Username: cam1724

Date posted: 1y ago

Trigger warning! Harm ocd

Hi guys. So idk who all has read about the Lindsay Clancy case, but ever since it’s been brought out, my harm ocd has sky rocketed. With thoughts towards my fiancé and even my dog 😞 I don’t have any kids, but the idea of losing control one day and acting on these thoughts is really getting to me. My biggest theme for years was harm, then went to suicidal for 2 years, and now I’m right back to harm and it’s freaking me out 😞

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Harm OCD

Anyone else with harm OCD extremely triggered by the Lindsay Clancy case? I’m struggling realllllly badly right now.

Username: butterfly23

Date posted: 1y ago

Mom with harm OCD

Is anyone else here a mom with harm OCD? It makes me question everything. If I love them enough, if I really want them, it's horrible I don't wanna have these questions or doubts. I wanna be a happy mom that is sure of herself and sure of wanting her kids and the love I have for them. OCD has taken a lot from me. I even was hospitalised for it because I couldn't take it anymore. Please tell me it gets better. Is anyone in the same position?

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Mom with Harm OCD

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